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<p>Come ON! Haven’t we been over this? You can wear the t shirt. Forget what they think! ;)</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I was denied merit aid, finalchild. I suspect that Pizzagirl used the adjective “provincial” to describe me on the GC form, and that took me out of the running.</p>
<p>Oh holy parchment with a golden seal batman…there are alot of PhD’s on this thread. Not sure a gal with a lowly BS from Podunk U should even try to engage. But then I seem to have a lot of time on my hands since DH and I have been retired for about 10 years, and yes, could pay for any U without pain…But…just because one can doesn’t mean one should. Yup. CC does cause one to develop the deer in headlights syndrome…but then it is better to argue in the virtual realm than at the dinner table …or over mint juleps (or has that been replace by the cranberry Cosmos these days).</p>
<p>You are permitted to engage if you pass the thread litmus test: Did you, or did you not turn down admission to a more expensive, higher-ranked college in order to attend said state school?</p>
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It’s not just that they couldn’t care less, but that they think others should also care less. They are evangelists for this point of view.</p>
<p>TheGFG: Nope, applied to one local CSU…walked from home to school on most days. Got a car in Junior year to attend those pesky night classes. Worked about 15-20 hours a week as part of my 'college experience. </p>
<p>I do however still see a childhood friend on occasion…graduate from ohhhhh…ahhhhh university, MS from (ohhhhh ahhhhh ) X2 university and an almost PhD. Can I stay based on my breathing the same air on occasion? (oh… the grandparents of this family are paying all the educational expenses for ohh ahh university offspring…because ohh ahh can’t afford it… not sure if GP’s will be willing to foot full freight for college since ohh ahh’s were about 1/10 of what they are today)</p>
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<p>That like an atheist insulting a fundamentalist by calling him dogmatic. There’s plenty to go around on both sides.</p>
<p>M</p>
<p>I don’t mean it as an insult to say that somebody is an evangelist for his or her point of view. All I’m saying is that it possible to want to persuade others that it’s not healthy to be so hung up on college prestige.</p>
<p>It’s possible, but the great frequency and vehemence with which they proclaim their indifference raises suspicions of sour grapes or an axe to grind. Similarly, if bovertine commented daily and passionately on the car forum about how much better the Saturn is than the Rolls Royce, after a while people might suspect he owns a Saturn dealership, or has purchased a lot of stock in Saturn, or was teased about his lowly Saturn by Rolls Royce owners.</p>
<p>Hunt, totally agree. Neither point of view is immune to epistemic closure. Sorry I assumed your intention was anything but pure.</p>
<p>Best,</p>
<p>M</p>
<p>I don’t know. I think if somebody promotes a point of view relentlessly, over a number of years, the most likely explanation is that they are a true believer.</p>
<p>Hunt, I agree and as true believers, they are immune to outside opinions and points of view, even if the counter points of view are 100% factual.</p>
<p>M</p>
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<p>No more than defenders could be said to be constantly questioning their decision to spend as much money as they did and thus coming out here to rationalize it.</p>
<p>In reality, it’s most likely as Hunt suggested, each side so deeply believes their position that they can no longer appreciate the counter point of view.</p>
<p>M</p>
<p>When resentment intersects with belief you truly run into something that is impenetrable and virtually permanent…in its incurability. Which you will find in the ballpark of almost all wars (small and large). And a strain of denial that is remarkable in its impossibility of recognizing denial as denial.</p>
<p>But what is odd is that so much emotion has gotten attached to the subject of college choice, which on the surface you’d expect to be a rather dry and uninteresting topic. It seems like the decision shouldn’t carry any more emotional content than a decision about what style of house to buy. Yet discussion about this has taken on a quality of intensity that you normally only see for religion and politics. I personally dislike split level houses, but can’t imagine anyone getting all upset and personally offended while trying to convince me I’m not properly appreciating the split level–at least in the abstract. It’s a little different if I were to say I detest the split level at 23 Main Street and that was your house.</p>
<p>Someone brought up about the midwest and how big 10 is more desirable to many than an Ivy. Also pointed out about the coasts. </p>
<p>I was raised very mid-western style since my parents were from there, but grew up in California and went to college there as well. I live on the east coast now for 18yrs. And have 2 in college. Life is VERY different here than the west. And in many aspects, I miss the midwestern style of thinking (like I said, my parents and all their friends were from there and those values instilled).</p>
<p>I thought it was me…but recently the WA POST had an artlcle about differences between the WA DC area and CA. Readers submitted their opinions and one was about schools. Everyone here is so obsessed about where your kids goes to school, but on the west, it’s more about what you have done or do to be successful. SO TRUE… </p>
<p>Such a difference in attitudes. My two kids turned down elite schools. I sometimes wonder if it was a mistake. And then there were those people (from the local area here) that thought I should’ve forced them to go despite having to take huge loans. One said it was “my responsibility.” But they choose based on where they were most comfortable and would thrive and grow up (not academically but as persons/character). One is graduating and doesn’t regret not choosing the more elite and happy not to have a huge debt. He is very happy. My other is excelling and happy. I even asked several times about transferring to the Ivy, but he says no. I figure there is always grad school cause heck, we are paying $100 for 4 yr undergrad vs $240K now. </p>
<p>I sometimes wish they went with the more elite …though they are at good schools. I wonder what the future would hold with that school name on their resumes. I wonder if I should’ve depleted my savings or run massive debt? Would it matter? I feel embarrased if asked to explain why they didnt go the elite when they got in. Then I wonder how I became so different in thinking cause I really beleive it’s what you do and accomplish and not always the school name. Both have done wonders and worked great internships setting them up for a fantastic future… So why I struggle with this—I dont know except I am a mom worrying about her children.</p>
<p>So bottom line is they choose the place more comfortable and they are happy than I have ever seen.</p>
<p>Livelife55, it is irresponsible to run up
Massive debt, especially here where your kids were happy and have done so well “where planted.” Running into huge debt and possibly not saving enough for old age is a dangerous strategy these days when layoffs can prematurely derail careers, especially for older workers. Make peace with the choices you and your kids have made. Your resources can be out well for other purposes. Move on, as your kids have already done.</p>
<p>A friend of mine goes to an ivy league school, recruited for a sport and is paying full tuition (no FA, no sports scholarships since they don’t give that out, and no merit) parents I believe are either cosigned or they took out the parents PLUS loans… and he is taking out the max amount of student loans as well. i believe he’s majoring in applied math/economics and I think wants to do actuarial science and be part of the top firm companies. lol he already got in trouble since he dropped 2 of the 9 classes this year (he’s a freshman). and barely passed his finals. </p>
<p>He keeps telling me that what he is going through is an investment, that he understands that his parents asked him to pay them back in some way shape or form. He drills into my head that this ivy, will get him anywhere, that jobs will open up, connections will be waiting, and if he does get a connection, automatically assumes he will get the job/intern bc of this name brand. He expects he will have a great job, pay off his loans easily, move to nyc to work, and be able to travel. </p>
<p>I don’t know, he makes it sound so easy but it really isn’t…</p>
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<p>In the South, what people are most interested in is who is your family. It doesn’t matter if they’re rich or poor, sophisticated or renegade. What matters is figuring out how we should all know each other. :)</p>
<p>Even among the most highly educated people here, prestige is pretty far down the list. The Ivy League schools aren’t worshiped, nor are they disdained. They’re just another group of far-away colleges that few people think about.</p>
<p>Our D has gotten into Tufts - with no merit aid and into Kenyon which is offering her over 70 grand (over 4 years) in merit aid. And she is not going to be a doctor or a lawyer - she is interested in journalism and government relations. She is a 4.0 GPA and a strong resume (she interned at the U.N. and also at Doctors Without Borders) and a real go-getter. Obviously I am proud of her but my wife and I are trying to figure out the best decision. Our D went and visited Kenyon and loves it! Loves it! My wife worries that she is saying she loves it because she knows how much money it will save us and yes, to pay the close to 60 grand/year for Tufts will be VERY hard. I work in TV where if you are working (which I am - at the MOMENT) you can make good money but there is NO GUARANTEE of continuation of steady money. So, at the money, yes I could pay for her to go to Tufts but Kenyon would almost be half of that with the merit aid. And yes Kenyon is out there, quite rural but the college campus itself is lively and has tons of social event s as opposed to Tufts which is right there whee Boston is. I also believe the “just because you can afford it doesnt mean you should” Any advice? Thoughts?</p>