<p>I've been reading this forum for many months, finally decided to post. Here is my question: Dh and I spent all our time and $$ on our kids ( we enjoyed every second of it mind you). We never made the big bucks and valued time off work more than extra income. We did EVERYTHING with our kids. Their lives were incredibly rich in exploring educational interests as well as passions. They also turned out to be kind, creative, problem solvers that excelled in school and community service ( yes, I am a proud mama). </p>
<p>We never had much of a college fund because we felt we would always make "more" in the future and be able to devote more time to work as the children got older (lame, I know). Turned out the kids were so successful pursuing their passions that one of us seemed to always be on the road with one of them. We never did seem to find the time for more work hours. We felt it was more important to be with the kids as long as we could get by. We were never poor mind you, but we should have had more in savings.</p>
<p>Fast forward to college. The kids did incredibly well in the application process and I think a lot of it has to do with all the time we put in with them. Both landed at HYPMS with large grants. We feel so fortunate because we don't know what we would have done if the the schools didn't provide such generous aid. Both kids are excelling in their perspective pursuits and are contributing to their campus and college communities. They each have work study and good summer jobs. DH and I have picked up extra work to make ends meet and pay our EFC.</p>
<p>We still have very little in savings/ retirement and are in our late 40's. Our kids will be well educated and should land good jobs. We on the other hand are now broke! Did we make a big mistake?</p>
<p>Since you seem to have the colleges foot a large part of your college costs, i say consider yourself fortunate,if not lucky…Imagine if they didn’t get the large grants,you and they would be in a bad spot…Many people not only have little savings, but are trying to figure out how to pay for college…now, start saving as much as you can for retirement,late40’s still leaves you 15+ years…good lucj</p>
<p>It’s all a matter of perspective. To me, it doesn’t sound like you made a mistake. You did a wonderful job raising your children. They’re going to get excellent educations. </p>
<p>Parenting is finished. So now your mission is to save for retirement. You’re still young. If you save like fiends for 25 or 30 years, you should be able to retire in your 70’s. That’s not so bad. Good luck!</p>
<p>Yes! gdogpa, we are incredibly fortunate ( and lucky!) DH and I sort of “dropped out” of the rat race after college and assumed our kids would be like us. NEVER thought they would be interested in the type of colleges they chose ( literally figured we would be looking at community college) and then nothing in the top 30.</p>
<p>Now is the time to move on from making sure the kids have a great educational experience–grad school, semesters abroad, trip to NYC, whatever–and make YOUR financial security your job one. Sounds like you’ve set your kids up for their future. Now put that energy towards your future.</p>
<p>Believe me, that is one of the best things you can give to your kids…they do not want to have their parents show up on their doorstep someday with suitcases.</p>
<p>Dougbetsy…Ugh! 70, that is exactly what I am thinking. Wonder how I’ll feel about it in my late 60’s. Still have 3 and a half years left of college tuition ( though the amount is doable) and feel we cannot add to our retirement. We have already had to give up everything extra and take on extra work. At our income most of what we spend goes to the necessities. Our friends are buying bigger houses and new cars. Their kids are doing CC and then will move on to the State universities and live at home. This is very normal in my community and the kids seem to come out just fine.</p>
<p>Ellemenope-- they have been put on notice that they are “different” from many of their classmates. They seem to accept it and don’t ask for extras.</p>
<p>Drgoogle, good point. We have not seemed to have needed what “everyone else” had and don’t expect to travel the world or live on a golf course in our retirement. Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis! Just feeling we missed the boat.</p>
<p>So we were in pretty much the same condition as you. We still drive cars that are 15 and 17 years old respectively. Our mortgage is less than some people’s health club memberships. We live frugally, and I grow a lot of food (dug up the front yard.) My wife and I were both older than you and your DH. And we both had life-threatening illnesses in the middle of the kids’ college educations. We are grateful to the kids’ colleges for helping us make it work. </p>
<p>It has all worked out just fine. I would never trade the time we spent with our kids (we homeschooled them) for a larger house or a newer car or even a larger retirement portfolio. The kids are doing great on their own now. My wife went back to school in the middle of this (became a hospice nurse), and, with a two-year degree, makes more money than I ever have. </p>
<p>And yes, I travel the world. Second home in India. Work in Africa, which keeps expanding. D1 does research in Italy, and we visit. We didn’t “miss the boat” - we got on a different one.</p>
<p>You’ve given your children an amazing gift – your time, energy and interest. We all make our choices that put us on different paths than we ever imagine. It appears that you and your husband are happy regardless of your financial status, so save what you can. </p>
<p>H & I have retirement but the college fund is not as hefty as I’d like. We invested and will use that $$ for college. A grandparent offered to set up a fund, invited me to the meeting with the bank financial manager and even shared the amount to be invested for each child each month. We were going to use that money to close the gap for tuitions at private colleges. Unfortunately, that GP is a compulsive shopper and never set up the fund :(</p>
<p>This was discovered quite by accident, but at least now we’re aware of the situation and we can better plan for college.</p>
<p>I think you are still very young, late 40’s. You have plenty of time to save. Maybe not working till 70, but if you save for at least 10/15 years you should be ok. I know some people had kids very late like early 50s. They still have to work in their 70s.</p>
<p>I am not sure the OP really is asking a question… this feels more like “fishing for validation” to me. And, of course, on CC you are pretty much going to get it given the outcome for your kids.</p>
<p>Mini, I have read lots of your posts and you seem very wise. I like the idea of just taking a different boat! I also started planting vegetables last year–haha</p>
<p>Intparent-maybe validation is what I need because I am feeling a little unsure of the path we took. Like I said, friends kids seem to have come out just fine. Thought I’d ask this question on CC for precisely the reason you mentioned. Many CC parents seem h@// bent on getting their kids into top schools and debating how it should be accomplished. Just wondering how much people would be willing to give up to get it? </p>
<p>PS. I am not implying that what we chose to do is the “thing” to do. Like I said we are regretting some financial decisions we made.</p>
<p>Timely post. My daughter says tonight that the minute she has her first child, she is setting up a college fund. We don’t have much savings either though we could. I am 37 andy husband is 35. We have devoted our lives and a lot of our money to our kids ( Competitive cheer and dance… Very expensive.) And I have always worked part time because my husband travels and I want to be with my girls.</p>
<p>My husband has an IRA that is doing good and I have a small 401k. But I love that I spent all this time with kids. Worth it. I do regret not putting more in savings but the beauty of being a nurse is I can pick up lots of extra hours whenever I need to. Well, I need to now!</p>
<p>We have been fortunate to have been able to save (but if you end life with health problems or dementia, you will never have “enough,” haha), but even if we hadn’t I would agree with you and not your neighbors, that it’s more important to have financed the kids education than to have bought a bigger house or a new car every year.</p>
<p>We lived in a small house so we could afford day school through 8th grade and then college for our 4. If we couldn’t have afforded a TV I would have said no big deal, kids, here’s a library card.</p>
<p>Your kids may not ask for extras, but you’ll want to provide them, LOL! My kids realized that they were “different” from many of their college friends when they saw them feel burdened by student loans. </p>
<p>Our goal was to get them through undergrad without loans–student or parent. We’ll succeed, but our retirement fund could fund a lot more comfortable lifestyle had we insisted they go to cheaper colleges. But I don’t regret doing things the way we did.</p>
<p>I’ll be the lone voice saying, “Maybe not.” Every financial guru and expert I’ve read and talked to in real life says to make sure retirement is secure before working on the college funds. I’m impressed and so glad your kids are launched in an incredible way, and that’s all due to you and your H and your parenting values. But it could bite you in the behind if you struggle into and after retirement. </p>
<p>There’s always a balance to be found and choices to make. I wouldn’t regret a thing if I were you, but I’d start talking to people to help you and your H become more secure for your future. And hopefully those kids will be amazingly successful and help out if needed someday!</p>