<p>For my college essay topic (Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence) I'm writing about how a doctor on discovery health channel influenced me/inspired me to work hard when i was younger. I'm also including how my opinion of the doctor later changed after learning about his DUI's, medical malpractice, etc. Also including how i learned not everything on tv is real/my naivety. My dad thinks i avoid writing about television and someone i haven't actually met as an influence. I value my dad's opinion, but i don't know if i should scrap it write and something new or just keep what i have... Any suggestions? Thanks!</p>
<p>I think they want you to write about a person that you personally know that influenced you into becoming the person that you are… That would likely be a person who taught you to try harder, be thoughtful/caring for others, be ethical, be hard-working, never give up, thrify, honest, etc.</p>
<p>Possible people…</p>
<p>parents/step parents
grandparents
uncles/aunts
teachers
principals
neighbors
coaches
priest/minister/rabbi</p>
<p>I agree with your Dad. Choose someone that you have had a personal relationship with rather than some random character on TV. Go back to the drawing board. Think a little more deeply. Think about the people in your life. Be creative. </p>
<p>Remember–sometimes it’s the people that we least expect that inspire us or make us think more deeply about ourselves.</p>
<p>PS–The relationship doesn’t have to be a close personal relationship–think: the bus driver that has driven you to school over the years, the babysitter when you were younger, the lunch lady who always seemed to put a positive spin on a bad day, etc.</p>
<p>Here’s a different take… I think the point of a “significant influence” essay isn’t who influenced you, so much as how you were influenced and what you’ve done differently as a result. This is a way for the admissions folks to get to know more about you.</p>
<p>So I wouldn’t have a problem with someone on TV being the subject of your essay, as long as his influence on you was truly significant and you can use it to highlight positive things about yourself. What did you do with that inspiration you mention? When you were disillusioned, how did that change your attitudes and behavior? Did you become jaded and decide that nobody’s really that good, so what’s the point of trying? Or did you resolve to keep the good habits that you gained from emulating this doctor and avoid his pitfalls?</p>
<p>I don’t read application essays for a living, but I can imagine there are a zillion takes on (e.g.) mom, dad, a grandparent, or a teacher as a significant influence. A TV doctor might be a refreshing change. :)</p>
<p>I agree. I think “my dad/grandfather/older sibling/teacher” could be trite.</p>
<p>I think that your idea is fine. A friend’s son wrote an essay on the same subject that was really “outside the box” and she was horrified. It ended up that the adcom mentioned specifically how much he enjoyed reading something different from the standard relative-oriented essays. He said that he knew that his essay came from the student instead of from the student’s parents.</p>
<p>ETA: I agree with Geek_mom.</p>
<p>The point of the essay is for the college to learn about YOU – how you think, how you write, how you learn, what you care about. Writing about a person on TV can work perfectly well from that standpoint. With all due respect to mom2collegekids, she has provided a formula for a completely conventional essay, and it would be difficult to follow that formula and communicate much beyond the fact that you know what is “proper” and are completely prepared to conform to it.</p>
<p>Now, in some contexts that would be fine, even preferable. But if you are applying to selective colleges, you would rather stand out (for your creativity and intelligence, of course – avoid standing out for your sociopathic tendencies!) than look like one of the herd.</p>
<p>in first place, why do you let your Dad read your essay? It is YOUR essay, isn’t it?</p>
<p>I’ve been in positions in which I’ve read college, graduate school, scholarship, and internship essays including for very competitive schools and programs.</p>
<p>The choice of person – whether real or fictional – isn’t what’s important. What’s important is what your choice and the lessons you learned reflect about your character.</p>
<p>What you’re planning to write sounds like a wonderful idea, and also will make your essay stand out in a good way among the many that will say things about: favorite teachers; courageous, poor immigrant parents; beloved dead grandparents; sick siblings – that are similar to things that the admissions officers have read many times. </p>
<p>Do stick with what you’re planning to do. Your dad is well meaning, but your idea is likely to produce the essay that will most impress admissions committees.</p>
<p>Yours is another example of why I think that when it comes to applications to top schools, students would be better off not sharing their essays with their parents, teachers and peers. No matter how well meaning and informed, parents are likely to inhibit students from taking the kind of creative risks that pay off in these kind of essays for the very top schools. Such schools highly value out of the box thinking, the kind of thinking that may make well meaning parents cringe. Teachers and peers, too, are likely to value the conventional far more than the types of innovative essays that the top schools love.</p>
<p>I agree with several points. Avoid the stereotypical parent/teacher unless there is something truly remarkable about them and the result. The essay really needs to tell the school something about you that they can’t find in the application. This, outside of an interview, is your best opportunity to sell yourself to them.</p>
<p>My DD wrote about a fictional character in a children’s book - and how it inspired her to become the person she is today. Worked for her - and I would think a TV character could work for you.</p>
<p>I notice that you’ve posted around CC asking people to read and evaluate your essays. Stop doing that! From what you’ve posted here, you have the kind of creativity and thoughtfulness that would produce exactly the type of essay that top colleges would love.</p>
<p>However, if you get a variety of well-meaning people’s advice on your ideas – what will end up happening is that your essay increasingly will become bland and be like the majority of essays that top colleges receive. That will hurt you because your essay then will be like the essays of people who don’t get in.</p>
<p>Far better to have a few typos, spelling errors or comma problems than to have an essay that doesn’t reflect your fine critical thinking skills and creativity. The top colleges aren’t looking for the kind of copy editing perfection that’s needed for people to pass copy editing tests. It’s far easier to find people with perfect spelling and copy editing than it is to find people with the critical thinking and creativity that top colleges seek.</p>
<p>Have confidence in your instincts, don’t show or discuss your applications to anyone else and stop taking their advice before you wreck your chances of getting into top colleges.</p>
<p>The other thing that can happen by sharing your essays is that the very smart but sociopathic students may steal your essay and submit it before you submit yours. Colleges may think that you plagiarized their essay! If someone is really sociopathic, they may even steal your essay after telling you that your essay is worthless.</p>
<p>geek_mom and others:</p>
<p>Spot on. My S wrote an essay on how the character Hugh Laurie on “House, MD” affected his personal character development from middle school through high school. He was able to weave in literary references as well, since “House” is a take off from Sherlock Holmes. My S addressed positive and negative character traits of the House character and related it back to his own personal development, especially the positive ones related to scientific inquiry since S is planning to be a physics major. We thought his essay came off well, with both the literacy references and the edginess from House. Additionally, the prompt did allow for fictional characters.</p>
<p>We’ll see what happens. My S was also “out there” with his Common App short essay elaborating on an EC. Since prose was not required, he wrote about how his piano makes him feel, and wrote it in a poetic style.</p>
<p>Excellent advice NorthStarMom</p>
<p>I agree with Northstarmom - I would be very concerned about someone accusing me of stealing an essay/cheating (well, they wouldn’t even bother accusing you, they’d just toss you and the copy-cat out!). Do not share your essay with people you don’t know on the internet.</p>
<p>I think it’s fine if you have your Dad read over your essay for spelling errors/typos/grammar issues. And also fine to get feedback from teachers at school. But make sure you don’t lose your creative spark.</p>
<p>Discovery channel doctor sounds like a totally fine topic - go with it. Aunts/teachers/dads/moms/siblings…I’m sure there’s TONS of essays like that and it would be harder to stand out.</p>
<p>For my “significant person” essay I wrote about a comic book character.</p>
<p>Have FUN with your apps :). Show colleges who you ARE :).</p>
<p>It matters less who you pick as your influential person, and MUCH more on whether it’s a great essay or not! A great essay is interesting, individualistic and reveals things about you.</p>
<p>*Avoid the stereotypical parent/teacher unless there is something truly remarkable about them and the result. *</p>
<p>I should have wrote the above…but I thought that goes without saying. But, I can see that some didn’t understand that.</p>
<p>Of course I wasn’t suggesting some trite story of how my mom was the greatest influence of my life because she is such a nice lady. :eyes rolling:</p>
<p>Many young people have been blessed with some incredible people in their lives who have had a marked influence on their lives. Perhaps it was a brother who you watched fight to overcome a serious birth defect, and his multi-year and painful efforts put life’s everyday challenges into perspective. Perhaps it was a neighbor who helps the poor, so you got involved with her charity group and expanded it to a larger community.</p>
<p>Dad II- I read our son’s essays…at his request. And every time I did, I first asked for clarification: was I reading to give feedback on the general impressions? Was I looking for grammatical mistakes? Not once did I comment on the substance of his essays. (And the one I thought was the riskiest was the one that the dean remembered and mentioned to me when she saw my name tag on accepted students day. So it is good that I held my tongue!)</p>
<p>mom2collegekids - wasn’t meant to criticize you at all! As a soon to be father2collegekids, I have read a lot of your posts and learned much! My message is the same as yours; Tell a story that sets you apart from the crowd!</p>
<p>I like NSM’s advice for you to trust your instincts. I wrote a risky essay which was part of a file that got me accepted at my HYP alma mater. There was no prompt or question I had to answer – it was just an open topic.</p>
<p>For some reason, the first thing that came to me was to recount about how I had foolishly “outed” one of my best friends in HS. I did it without thinking, with no intent to be malicious. I wrote about what I did to mend the friendship thereafter. that’s it.</p>
<p>In retrospect (I re-read it cleaning out old papers in my garage), I think it showed a 17 year old who was self-reflective, willing to be self-effacing, and sensitive to the world around him. </p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>