<p>“I think it’s fine if you have your Dad read over your essay for spelling errors/typos/grammar issues.”</p>
<p>The problem with many folks in doing this is that the student will probably not include some things in the essay if they know that their parent/teacher/friend will be reading it. It’s far different revealing oneself to a stranger than to a person who’s in your life.</p>
<p>I’m not referring to obviously very personal things that you probably wouldn’t talk about to anyone and shouldn’t include on a college app (an example would be explicit details of being sexually abused). I’m referring to things that you might not mention to people whom you know in real life because they may not understand what you meant or may be hurt for dismayed for some reason.</p>
<p>For instance, I’m fairly sure that in my Harvard application, I included info about how stultifying my small town, undiverse, conservative home town high school was for me, and some racist incidents I had experienced there, but I wouldn’t have wanted my mom to read about that because she had gone out of her way to make sure I attended the best school in the area.</p>
<p>Another example: I’m sure Mom would have been alarmed to see that the essay I submitted for a prestigious internship was about my taking over buildings in college student protests. Yet, I got that internship. :)</p>
<p>I don’t think that the few grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors that may slip through if one doesn’t have another person copyedit one’s essay will hurt one’s application to a top college. Presumably, students applying to such schools have excellent grammar and general writing skills anyway, so it’s highly doubtful that they would commit a copy editing error so grievous that it would cause a college to withhold admission.</p>
<p>If one is concerned about whether one’s essay topic is appropriate, one can ask knowledgeable adults as the OP has done here. No need to show them the whole essay.</p>
<p>I say your Dad is wrong on this, but probably pretty right in every other area. In any event… I think writing about family members being great influences is pretty trite as well and been done to death. And truthfully, as others have said, the essays are not about them per say. As the admission’s officer at Tufts said a few years back to a tour group, it’s not grandma applying for admission, so telling us how great she is does nothing for you as the applicant (or some variation).</p>
<p>Now that I’ve read every post here…there isn’t a “wrong and a right.” The point is to write an interesting essay no matter who the influential person is. </p>
<p>Tell an interesting, unique, and gripping story.</p>
<p>Start out with a sentence that grabs the attention of the reader.</p>
<p>Put forth a strong and interesting thesis at the end of your first para.</p>
<p>Defend your thesis with supporting and thoughtful points. (Try not to use the word “I” too much or start too many sentences with “I”. ) Use transition sentences.</p>
<p>have a good conclusion. Your conclusion paragraph needs to restate your thesis. Have a clever but not trite ending. The essay should end in a clear and concise way.</p>
<p>have someone who won’t “judge” your thoughts, but is strong in writing, review for typos/grammatical errors.</p>
<p>Wow thank you all for your advice. i wasn’t expecting this many replies. I really appreciate it! I’m going to stick with what i have and start doing some editing!</p>
<p>Gosh I really like the premise of the essay. I think making it about something from TV shows a refreshing absence of pretension. And the whole idealism devolving into realism could be quite effective. </p>
<p>But now that you shared this very provocative and potentially great essay idea - it’s pretty much not possible to go forward and use it, imo.</p>
<p>You’ve gotten some terrific advice, and here’s my addition: Don’t just focus on what the tv character has “taught” you, since that was already conceived by a team of executives. But, it definitely works if you add how what you learned when that TV character became a real person with DUI and whatever other weaknesses he had. That could be a very strong essay.</p>
<p>At one of the college information sessions we attended, the director specifically mentioned avoiding writing this type of essay (including the perennial, “what I learned on my mission trip”), if possible. She said that the counselors read so many of these that it gets really old and it’s hard for most people to sound original.</p>
<p>Go with your original idea. As long as it’s done well, the adcom will really appreciate the chance to read something different.</p>
<p>Both of my kids wrote college essays on something that THEY did themselves that they felt was significant and changed their perspectives. In both cases a mentor type of person was part of the essay, but was NOT the focus.</p>
<p>*At one of the college information sessions we attended, the director specifically mentioned avoiding writing this type of essay (including the perennial, “what I learned on my mission trip”), if possible. She said that the counselors read so many of these that it gets really old and it’s hard for most people to sound original.
*</p>
<p>Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence</p>
<p>The school has provided the above prompt; it sounds like your plan is fine. If the admins read so many that they get bored, they need to change the prompt.</p>
<p>Re: “I think it’s fine if you have your Dad read over your essay for spelling errors/typos/grammar issues.”</p>
<p>“The problem with many folks in doing this is that the student will probably not include some things in the essay if they know that their parent/teacher/friend will be reading it. It’s far different revealing oneself to a stranger than to a person who’s in your life.”</p>
<p>I was saying if she WANTED to do such a thing, it made sense, as long as she made it clear she wasn’t looking for advice on the topic, but rather suggestions for better sentence structure/clarity/etc. It was just in response to many parents flippin’ like, omg, can’t believe you let your Dad read your essay. I mean, so what? My parents definitely read mine-you just have to know where to draw the line ;). And of course if you DO want to include things you wouldn’t feel comfortable showing to your parents, then you WOULDN’T show it to them…thought this was common sense :P</p>
<p>Put me in the column of those who think your essay topic is fine. I’ve heard from any number of college admissions people that the standard answers get pretty boring. It’s okay to think out of the box. They love to find kids with a strong voice who aren’t afraid to march to their own drummer. (Not that you can’t also write a great essay about your grandmother.) :)</p>
<p>I read my younger son’s essays. I thought they were a bit risky, but didn’t stop him from sending them in. They got him deferred at one college and accepted at another.</p>
<p>Another vote for the good essay choice. The school would have made it a “person you KNOW” if they wanted only those influences. Your first post indicates your essay is about you, not the TV character and shows indepth thinking on your part. Good luck.</p>
In any event… I think writing about family members being great influences is pretty trite as well and been done to death. And truthfully, as others have said, the essays are not about them per say. As the admission’s officer at Tufts said a few years back to a tour group, it’s not grandma applying for admission, so telling us how great she is does nothing for you as the applicant (or some variation).</p>