It’s also important to realize you are in a very small minority of people. Many high schools have most of their student body thinking about things other than college after graduation, though that is dwindling with the need for a degree. Still, few high schools are small enough to even notice other students, and many schools are moving away from using class rank, which encourages this behavior you mentioned. While these problems exist, it’s peanuts compared to other more general problems in the same area, in my opinion.
What is very interesting to me is the second part of what you mentioned, which affects many more students: the fact that high school has become an audition for college. Check the right boxes, ring the right bells, get a high GPA, take challenging courses, prep for standardized tests, find a true passion in life (please, go around and ask adults about their “true passion” and at least half will turn pale instantly, eventually trying to mentally decide if they are even happy), and if you want to get into a really good school, invent something and cure cancer.
All for what? A spot at a college where you will then, just maybe, get to take a deep breath, enjoy, and do what you want. Unless you want a good job, then you’ll need to make sure your “passion” that you’ve selected in high school is lucrative as a career, get internships, and at least to some extent keep high grades. Oh, and try to have a social life since college is “the time of your life”. But get some sleep too, your brain is still growing.
So, if you make it through that gauntlet, you get to work for the rest of your life! And just maybe you’ll be happy then, starting at age 22. Unless of course you’re going to grad school, law school, or medical school. Rinse and repeat.
Now let’s zoom out for a second. I think I just gave a very nihilistic but accurate take on the education system you find in the US, particularly for the lower-middle class and up. Notice, not once in there did I mention learning. I barely touched on social fulfillment, life experiences, anything. Of course, your education at each step should. But what does it say that all of these life goals and the path really don’t mention it?
Despite what you probably think after reading this post so far, I actually think that escaping this is very easy, and even more, have an overall positive outlook on it. It has nothing to do with the system, or any flaw in a part of the path. It’s mindset. Instead of painting with this negative brush I just used, step back. Before you do anything, ask why. Is it for future happiness or current happiness? Is it for learning or experience? Why am I doing this thing? Once you have your answer, then comes the hard part: is this enough reason to do it?
For that last question, I have personally boiled it down to this: you know how the system works, so you have to find how you can best use it to suit your needs. Bear in mind the realities of adulthood and living, but focus on finding what you enjoy and want to do (and know it’s okay to struggle to find it). That means that, for some, you may need to decide if a “Top 30” college is worth sacrificing your happiness in high school for instead of going to a “Top 60” school. What school do you really need to go to for what you need?
Personally, I had this realization around sophomore year of high school, and took a week off school to really reorganize what I was doing. Rather than pour everything I had into my classes, I strategically applied effort. Did I really care about the B- in this class? What is the lowest acceptable grade that would allow me to focus elsewhere and get more out of my learning? What is the target GPA I need for college, and if I have target X, is grade Y in class Z acceptable? It turns out, the ole “Pick 2 of Grades / Social / Sleep” is flawed - pick some of each and balance them. You don’t have to be this methodical, but I wanted to detail this to show how approach really changes the game.
I went to a school that was similar to yours minus the competitive aspect. You know how many clubs I was in? Just one. I wasn’t even in National Honor Society. I played sports because I enjoyed them, but had absolutely no pattern to them. I never once thought about how any of my EC’s would look to colleges. I did what interested me, and it ended up leading me where I enjoyed being. The college process came, and my math worked out. My GPA wasn’t good enough for a certain number of high caliber universities, but I didn’t need to be there. I’m still at a great school, doing exactly what I want and with the exact life balance I want. I was lucky enough to find things I truly enjoyed in high school, which helped, but you can do just as well even if you’re still looking in high school (or college!).
In that note, I want to close with this: http://www.manrepeller.com/2017/01/internships-are-overrated.html
Basically, as many adults will cheesily tell you, life is not a straight line for most, but more of a winding foggy path. Focus on learning about yourself, the world, and how the two fit together, and you will be able to make a path that you enjoy. If you try to follow a set path, you may struggle, as many of your depressed peers probably are starting to catch on.
I hope all of this helps - I know this is a bit of a tangent from the OP, but I think that I understand where you’re coming from. Correct me if I’m wrong. Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to discuss anything with, and I’d be happy to follow up here as well!