Is the 2nd+ time much easier for you?

Parent Cafe
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<p>morrismm, so our experience is very different because our stress level went down very significantly. </p>

<p>I feel like this going over college admission 101 again. The key is to understand how much you can pay and then determine the reach, match, and safety schools. With the experiences from the first time, I think it is much more easier to identify the match. Using right rolling and early strategy, you could get some “yes” before Christmas. The rest of the wait should be much stress free.</p>

<p>The stress I had on the first round mostly coming from not knowing what does it take to get into a T20 type of school. Had I known our children’s stats put them in good standings of some of the best schools of their interests, things would have been much easier. </p>

<p>Now there are reach schools that for any one is unknown. However, I would not stress over the reach just like you only have good dreams after buying a lotto ticket. Nice if you win but would not stress over if you don’t.</p>

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<p>Having been through it four times, it is easier in some ways and more difficult in others. Son #1 kind of set the bar with what seemed like an easy admit to his school. We didn’t know much back then so our ignorance probably was good for him. Its hard to believe he is graduating this year. Sons 2 and 3 are a year younger than their brother. I remember insisting that they have all of their applications ready to send in case early decision did not work out. I could not stand the idea of 22 applications being completed between Dec and Jan. That year was the most intense year of all. There was just way too many college visits, and applications were flying around my house. Child four was easier because her brothers were not home with all the noise and commotion that four kids bring. It was however more difficult because I was concerned about so many things with her. I always had that nagging feeling that we should not send her away. The application process was fairly seemless with her but the acceptances and packages left alot to be desired. We actually thought with three others in college that she would have received more money but I soon found myself saying that the offered were empty. If they really wanted her they would have given a tad bit more aid, to the kid with three siblings in college.
What I learned through it all is that things really do turn out the way they should, there are bumps along the way but the colleges seem to have some sense of who will be a good fit. In the case of our daughter, she took the leap but she needed to come back and learn how to take smaller steps.
So… I guess it is not easy with any of the kids, because they each have different needs and their own set of circumstances.</p>

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<p>D2 was the easiest of our 3 because we’d been through it once before, she was more interested in the whole process, she had a stellar GC (her older sister did not), we had CC on our side - lots of reasons. D3 was probably the most anxiety-producing because she knew she wanted a particular reach school, while her sisters had been enthusiastic about several schools, and she needed luck on her side to get in. Which it was, thankfully! Since she’d applied ED and was accepted, we all got to stop worrying in early December. So it was more challenging the third time around, but for a shorter period of time. :)</p>

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<p>No.</p>

<p>S1 only applied to one college. He was either going to go to this college or enroll in the Navy. He even enlisted in the delayed entry program and we had a signed letter from the Commander that if he got into the college, and still wanted to go to school, he could walk away from the Navy - no strings attached. That was the only way DH & I would sign for him to enlist. College came through, he notified the Navy of his decision and that was that.</p>

<p>S2 applied to 10 schools, but generally knew what he wanted to do. We, as parents, just didn’t know the complete lunacy of the total college process. We survived, he thrived and now we are almost at the end of his grad school experience.</p>

<p>Now he’s just deciding if he wants to continue his PhD program or come out into the working world.</p>

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<p>It’s different this time around. D is an over-achiever & her stress level affected us all. She got into some excellent schools & the cost has been quite manageable (a stretch, but manageable). S, on the other hand, is a smart kid who consistently achieves just below his potential - although he had an excellent ACT score, at least. No school EC’s, no leadership, no community service. He is a musician, but not in the typical sense. In other words, he is not a slam-dunk for scholarships or even for admissions for a couple schools he applied to. He doesn’t seem stressed, though, so I am not stressed. However, financing this kid is going to be more difficult … so the stress is going to come later!!</p>

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<p>Once again, 2nd, 3rd or whatever time around is NOT less stressful. I suppose I should say if applying to a selective school.</p>

<p>For instance, S and D1 had the same cumulative SAT’s, similar hs gpa’s and rankings. Both had great ec’s, blah, blah.</p>

<p>S got accepted C1, waitlisted C2 and denied C3. D1 got waitlisted C1, denied C2 and accepted C3 (C 1,2 & 3 are the same schools).</p>

<p>That is why future rounds are not less stressful. One never knows.</p>

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<p>Second time around was different, not necessarily easier. Older s was more self -directed. Younger s needed the gentle nudge of the caddle prod. I helped, at their request, to identify some schools that sounded like what they might like, but they made all the choices of where to apply.</p>

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<p>On my 3rd go around now. It’s easier from the standpoint there’s not much of a learning curve to deal with. It’s harder from the standpoint that each student is different (different profile) and the nuances of admissions continues to evolve a bit from school to school. </p>

<p>Given the success of the first two, the youngest also has very very high expectations which I’m concerned about. For some reason I’ve been unable help her maintain perspective. So no, overall I wouldn’t say it’s easier.</p>

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<p>I hope it’s easier for D2. I think 2008 is the worst year for D1’s high school. 2009 is already much better, maybe a better class, but who knows.
D2 has already said she has 85% chance of going out of state. This means there is more options for her. D1 only wanted to stay in CA.</p>

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<p>I think I can count an equal number of gray hairs for each of my 3, traceable directly to the college admissions process. </p>

<p>The two younger kids call their older brother “The Snowplow” because through him, our family goes through everything “first.” As the Chinese say, “All beginnings are hard.” </p>

<p>Each kid, however, wanted something very different at college, in terms of major, cultural climate and location. In some ways, we felt like newbies each time. </p>

<p>As parents, we never breathed easily until the first check went into the mail for a housing deposit. At that point, we basically stopped breathing. :stuck_out_tongue: As for the kids…who knew what they were thinking? It must have been completely scary for them. We all pasted on smiles throughout each winter just to keep up morale.</p>

<p>But each one is working out just fine! No regrets.</p>

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<p>Dad II – Any EA or rolling you’re ready to tell us about? (Or…did I miss them somewhere else on CC?)</p>

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<p>We promised ourselves we’d pay for undergrad, that we didn’t want them to have debt.</p>

<p>Our first has been expensive. Poor high school performance and ADD issues led to expensive small liberal arts college. It’s a good fit but we hadn’t budgeted for this and are sweating bullets finding the cash eash semester. We’ve both had recent salary cuts.</p>

<p>Our second is high performing student who wants to attend state flagship university. If she goes there, she’ll cost us less than what her preschool cost. </p>

<p>I don’t know how to think about balance and fairness to our kids. I wonder how other parents think about this.</p>

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<p>Fair is not necessarily equal. Remember that and you’ll go far. Fair is what is fair for each child.</p>

<p>If child ONE needed braces on his teeth, would you get braces for child 2? Just because one thing is right for one kid does not mean that the exact same thing is going to be right for the other. Doing what is RIGHT is fair.</p>

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<p>Agree with thumper on this one. There was actually a pretty long/involved thread on this not too long ago that discussed what parents do in this situation. </p>

<p>First child is costing us a small fortune at a small expensive LAC thanks to his lackluster academic performance. That expense will undoubtedly end at the conclusion of this year. No, he’s not graduating. </p>

<p>Second attends state flagship. Main cost is books that she has a stipend for. We’ll help her with graduate school.</p>

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<p>Fair does not mean equal. (thumper1 and sabaray, we crossposted!)</p>

<p>Different kids need different solutions (some need expensive solutions, some less so; some nearby, some far…) in order to all feel equally cared for, tended to, appreciated by their parents, and set up for a chance to gain a foothold/cope/figure out/continue/graduate or excel at college.</p>

<p>Am I a Marxist here? “From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.” </p>

<p>LOL about paying more for preschool than state flagship tuition! At one point, I returned for a one-year masters degree that had good professional work locked in upon graduation. But I had 3 children at home, ages 4-12. My grad school tuition at a public university cost LESS than the preschool and afterschool babysitters that freed me up to attend school. But I recouped all that money within 2 years of professional work using the degree. </p>

<p>Why did we feel we needed “so” much money that I’d work fulltime+ with 3 in elementary and middle schools? We wanted to offer identical monetary amounts for a private LAC undergraduate education to each of 3 kids, in case they that needed or wanted that path. It’s quite a circle! </p>

<p>So, if one of your kids is a “high performing student who wants to attend state flagship university” you are fortunate. The key word there is “want.” Don’t feel guilty if what she wants is less expensive than what her sibling needs. You are providing for both equally. IMO</p>

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<p>We were very lucky. Both kids applied to their first choice schools via ED, were accepted and the process was finished.</p>

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<p>Everything else has been easier with number 2 so I expect applying to college will be as well. Sure hope so. I’m getting old and like things nice and calm these days.</p>

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<p>It has been a lot easier with S2, mainly because I was such a “newbie” with S1 and had no support from GC or other friends going through the process. Our high school sends very few kids out of state or to privates. I did read a lot of books, but then, I found CC!</p>

<p>Even though the two are quite different, I have been able to apply what I learned from one to the other. With S1, I did not even know that merit scholarships existed, except for the most talented kids. I did not grasp the whole notion of “tuition discounting” at the non-tippy-top schools.</p>

<p>So, with S2, we set off to cast a wide net. He started visiting schools his sophomore year, and easily constructed a list of colleges he would love to attend - from his most reach-y to his safeties. We even found the ultimate back-up with a March 1 deadline in case things really got bad. </p>

<p>I did have to help him get organized, and made a time-line for the essays. I have had to bug him at times, and he has gotten frustrated, especially as the deadlines piled up at the same time as his major papers were due at school. But, as I learned from S1, I also gave him breathing space, and frequently “rewarded” his hard work with spending money to go to a movie or dinner with his friends. (I believe another parent shared this tip.)</p>

<p>After each campus visit, interview, or in-town presentation, he and I went to a meal together, and I took copious notes on what he said about each school. (He’s a pretty talkative kid.) I gave the notes to him and he used these notes for his “why this college” essays. He genuinely is a good fit at each of the schools he is applying to.</p>

<p>He and I have been pleasantly pleased with the EA results - 5/5, 4 with scholarships! He’s waiting to hear from his EDII school, and if not them, his #2, but he has great choices so far. We truly have utilized all the great advice on CC. </p>

<p>(At times I wish I had S3 - I would get it perfect next time!) But, unlike P3T, 2 tuitions is enough for me!</p>

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<p>^ Your post is an inspiration, mom2sons!</p>

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<p>Much easier this time, but it’s because I’ve realized that kids can be happy wherever they land. With our first child, I was more concerned with prestige. But in the end, oldest chose a school we had never even heard of before. He loves it and is doing well. Also, with dozens of college tours under our belt (between the two kids), and knowing the pros and cons of oldest’s school, I feel that we finally know what to look for in a school. Third child should be a breeze!</p>