<p>Ok I went to Haiti after soph year after I chaired a project that raised $15k to construct new sanitary bathrooms there. So the mission trip was the follow up and to help out while seeing what it was really like over there. The kids called us (expletive warning, if you get offended easily, skip over the next word) fags in creole, m'assi (pronounced ma-see-see). </p>
<p>I like to start off the essay with the kids screaming that, but not translating it into english, but saying something to the effect that it's a bad fun word etc etc. Is that a good hook?</p>
<p>Then I want to talk about my friends Geoff and Joojoobee that I made over there, and it in fact confirmed what I had been doing so far and further inspired me to continue because of the strengthened community between all of us.</p>
<p>To finish, I was in a city there at a high point, and all I saw was poverty against the hills and the sea. I want to include that in there somehow. </p>
<p>How do I make this unique? any thoughts?</p>
<p>Btw, my insight is not to save the world or realize it needs saving. Or even that there are different cultures out there etc. Its not that. Yeah sure, one person can make a difference, but if everybody got together, than there would be full blown change (example: there are multiple cancer researching organizations, trying to find the cure, like 15 or something, all with imense resources. If they all put aside their future aspirations for glory and combined, we would either find a cure now or fairly soon, or at least scape off a large amount of years of research to find it. That type of thing)</p>
<p>It seems like you did more than most people, me at least. lol I think it's a great idea. To make it personal, talk more about what you learned from your new friends and if they helped you gain a new perspective on life.</p>
<p>Hmmm...oftentimes, it is a really, really good idea to be careful of mission trip essays. Adcoms get mounds of them. "I stepped off of the bus and met the beaming faces of the native children. In the deepest part of my heart, I knew I had been changed forever." This is the type of mission trip essay most adcom's expect to see (and are often not disappointed).</p>
<p>If you can make it different, more power to you. But make sure you make it different. You want adcom's to say "Wow, that was the most unique mission trip essay I have ever seen. After all those cookie-cutter ones, this essay put a really neat spin on the experience."</p>
<p>I think you have a really good start with it. Your mission trip starts out with being sworn at, not smiled at! (And that breaks the stereotype right there). I think this would tie into Geoff and Joojoobee pretty well. I am not so sure about the poverty part. It doesn't quite seem to fit; in other words, don't force it in the essay. </p>
<p>Just my thoughts. Good luck.</p>
<p>Thanks guys. And yeah Im SPECIFICALLY trying to avoid that "stepped off the bus bleh" because thats not what happened and it rarely happens. I wasnt really changed right then, but it was through reflection that my perspective changed later. Should I mention this? </p>
<p>Another problem. Joojoobee is 3 years old. Geoff's like 12, but he looked like 6.</p>
<p>Yeah...Joojoobee being three could present a slight problem. I don't know if adcom's are really going to believe you made a friend of a three year old that can barely count to 10. </p>
<p>I hope that doesn't sound flippant or that I am making light of your situation...because I'm not! I am just looking at it from an adcom's point of view.</p>
<p>Now on the other hand, you could do something with that "problem," like emphasizing that seeing things from a child's viewpoint puts the world in a common, simplistic perspective and eliminates the social problems that comes with being older.</p>
<p>Ok so what do you guys think of this insight? (Please dont steal if you think its good). In general (and I wont say this in general terms bc its a no no),
Is this too clicheish, if it is one at all?</p>
<p>I think it is a beautiful way to put that sentiment...Now if you can still edit your post, take out the statement before someone steals it!! (Seriously). PM posters you trust with essay ideas, or else they could get stolen!</p>
<p>I think your idea is very good, but I would try to stay away from the "mission trip " essay. Adcoms at any college, university, etc receive tons of similar essays with that topic. Maybe you could still write about it but twist it into another story, or use it to define your own values compared to the lifestyle from where you went?</p>
<p>Yeah I know, but this really is what changed and defined my life. Like I actually wanted to go on the trip because alot of the service I had done beforehand (aka raising $15k) was related to the village i travelled to on the mission trip, so it filled in all the gaps.</p>
<p>Plus community service is my passion, along with social justice. Yall have sports, science and math competitions, I have community service.</p>
<p>I realize community service is an overused/bad topic, including mission trip, but my question is whether my specific topic is bad (in other words, please do not automatically categorize it in the bad topic category). </p>
<p>thanks yall. anyone else</p>
<p>Community Service is a passion of several people and there are those people who go international and raise funds for something in that country and that experience of course changed them. However, common topics are used frequently on college applications. It is how well you describe the experience you had. Your experience was obviously different than someone else's. If there is anything you can think of that could be different that no one else may have experienced, include it. PM me your essay if you would like, and I would love to read it and make suggestions! :-)</p>
<p>I have seen it stated that what adcoms want is an essay that defines to them a point in time and your role in that moment. (btw, I worked in Haiti for 5 years.)</p>
<p>I think you could have a very strong essay with what you are going with, BUT avoid the "how it changed my life" part of the essay. You probably don't need to explain that if it comes through in your writing.</p>
<p>I really like the opening scene. Embellish if with lots of visuals and make your reader part of the scene. How hot was it? Dusty? Who was yelling at you? Pick up on some details that explain the poverty without actually telling about the poverty. For instance, when I first got to Haiti, I was struck by all of the t-shirts that people wore: everything from Chicago Bulls to who-knows-what-else. Then I found out how these shirts got there - bundled into batch shipments of shirts donated to charities in the US, but then deemed not good enough to resell at the charity shops. They are then sold by the ton for distribution to places like Haiti for resale for extremely low prices. Anyway, I'm off track here, but I'd stay away from the friends and the life-change (sounds condescending: "some of my best friends are...(gay/black/Haitian)."</p>
<p>Describe your involvement in raising money and what your pollyanna expectations were in advance and your reaction to what you found when you got there. Don't be afraid of letting the grittiness and some of the unpleasantness come through. That's the reality of life. Don't tell them that, but show them that, and that you are still dedicated to service.</p>
<p>But the opening is a good one. The word sounds kinda like "My Sissy."</p>
<p>It means that almost. I wont use the how it changed my life part. I'm not gonna use the life change and the friend part, because that's all he is a friend. It's more a story us working together and stuff.</p>
<p>any other opinions?</p>
<p>i agree with the opinion that this type of essay is a little cliche.</p>
<p>@valentinocuevas, How so? Could you please explain why, if you have time</p>