<p>This is an essay for Option #2: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you. I understand that my essay has no mention of me. However, I felt like I made a good stance on a certain topic. Is it bad that this essay doesn't express anything about me? Keep in mind that I am not completely finished with this essay; I'm thinking of making some sections more concise and adding another paragraph. Here is the essay:</p>
<p>Wear a seatbelt… YOLO
You seem to try really hard to sound smart, especially with the fancy vocabulary. I think you’ve written very well for a school paper but it seems too formal for the personal essay. The purpose of this essay is to help admission deans learn more about you, so I suggest you at least connect this to something personal or write something else entirely.
Also, never say “in conclusion” in an essay.</p>
<p>thanks for the essay. Now I can finally submit my UT application.</p>
<p>Much love</p>
<p>You’ve used some of the words in your essay incorrectly, I assume because they are not in your normal vocabulary. You don’t need to work so hard to impress the reader. YOLO is a fine topic for the essay but yours is missing an essential element, “its importance to you.”</p>
<p>Try to let the reader hear your voice in the essay. What issues do YOU care about? Why?</p>
<p>You need to take your essay off of this thread and ask if you can PM people it. It’s sad, but somebody might steal the essay :l</p>
<p>@sue22</p>
<p>What words have I used incorrectly? Would you suggest I keep the intro paragraph and the elaborate how “yolo” has an impact on my life? </p>
<p>@ellassanta</p>
<p>This was originally for a school paper.</p>
<p>@Callmemaybee</p>
<p>Hahaha, i hope you’re kidding. If not, it’s not that big of a deal. From the sound of it, this essay would not be a very good essay to submit.</p>
<p>@djizzle-</p>
<p>If i remember correctly there were a half dozen or so, including “ascend”. </p>
<p>“Never use a long word where a short one will do.”
-George Orwell</p>
<p>Do you mean aprehend? Because aprehend can also mean to comprehend.</p>