<p>Now to address the OP’s issues: Whatever the intent, whatever your issues with your daughter, your ex is the primary caretaker and custodial parent. You can voice your opinion, nicely and firmly and with love to your daughter, and not with love but concert to your ex, but you are out of the picture. Your job is to pay the child support and the 1/2 state tuition and love your daughter and give her all the moral support you can.</p>
<p>As for your other kids, just as previous bills and debts still have to be payed even with current pressing obligations, so it is with families. That you have 4 other kids has nothing to do with what your first one gets. It’s been reduced to that child support and 1/2 state tuition and those other sentiments I expressed above. That’s it. What your ex chooses to do and where she ends up at age 70 is not your concern because you can’t do anything about it. You can make sure you are not a dead beat dad, which you are right now. You owe a year and half’s worth of child support. When you get proof of your D’s attendance at college and that she did not get a full ride, you owe 1/2 of state’s tutions. Don’t know when the statute of limitation runs out on that, but I don’t think it’s even close, and you will get sued for it and owe interest and likely fines and court fees not to mention probably having to get an attorney and paying your ex and D’s attorneys if they sue you for that money. And you will lose. NY state does not look kindly on deadbeat dads and you don’t have a scrap of evidence as to why you did not pay other than the fact that the electronic payments were not accepted. Your ex can say that she gave you another account number, asked for a check, anything. No proof there. And too many deadbeat dads who say the same things that you will say as a reason, and no way to tell you are telling the truth. She has you over the barrel because it makes no sense that she didn’t ask, plead, beg for the money and that you didn’t make excuses, promises and just not pay. She’ll win every time on that one. The only reason I believe your story is because I am pretty involved in the intricacies of financial aid which very few people are, and too much of your story hits certain points that I have seen when folks game the system. </p>
<p>So whatever your motives and feelings about all of this, the fact comes down to what you owe. As to making sure what is above board, you don’t have the time, knowledge or money, most likely to get to the bottom of all of this. I don’t see anything flagrant that is provable that your spouse did wrong, though I do suspect sneakiness in all of this and you probably were duped somewhat. But that is just my suspicion and not provable. Just fill out your PROFILE, make sure you very carefully document your payment TO YOUR EX that is owed and make sure ALL INFO regarding money is in writing so that you are not caught like this again.</p>
<p>I know deadbeats dads who have avoided paying for years too. But this is not the issue at hand. The OP says he is going to pay what he owes. He is not looking to get out of paying from what I can see here. I think he feels duped and doesn’t agree with any what’s doing here. </p>
<p>Also I know dads who have gotten walloped with late child support payments. All depends on the attorney, whether you can hide, what kind of work you do. If you have a regular ol’ job and have a bunch of kids and can be found and don’t want to pay a lawyer and don’t want a garnishment and have a regular bank account and not hiding things, your not going to get far in NY State not paying your support. If you’re a sly one and want to make this your mission it’s one thing, but I don’t get the sense that this is the case here at all. I could be wrong, but this is not a child support thread but a financial aid one. I’m stating what the OP should and shouldn’t do in terms of where he is in terms of his obligations to his daughter and financial aid for college.</p>
<p>Just a few more things that I want to address: No parent HAS to complete FAFSA or PROFILE, and no parent HAS to pay what the college says s/he should pay. So the OP’s obligation is limited to paying what is in his divorce decree. If the school, his D or his ex asked him to fill out the PROFILE, he can do so, if he so pleases, and is under no obligation, any more than any parent to pay what they say he should pay. It may well be beneficial to his D not to complete the form, if his ex is telling the school that he is an absent, non participating parent and trying to get that PROFILE kept out of the picture.</p>
<p>Part of the divorce decree states that the child will be responsible for contributing to her own educational expenses with grants, loans, scholarships, etc. At the expensive school, this brings the cost down to 100% of ‘equivalent of instate tuition and fees’ When my other kids go to an instate school, their grants, loans, scholarships, etc. will bring that number down about 50-60% based on my research. So I won’t be paying nearly as much for them.</p>
<p>In fact, in my state, (which my eldest, “Jane”, could have applied if she had wanted) tuition is free to students above a certain GPA. But she didn’t want to, and I didn’t want to push the issue, knowing how hard it would be to pick up and transfer for her Senior year of HS.</p>
<p>I hope you got what you came for. I hope everyone involved will be ok. </p>
<p>I don’t know what to make of your story, but it really doesn’t matter. </p>
<p>Unless you need more information, more advice, or more abuse, I don’t understand why you keep the discussion going. You’ve consulted an attorney and now know that you will not be a party to the fraud. That’s good news. </p>
<p>We’ve pretty much deduced the consequences, and they are what they are. There are no winners. </p>
<p>All that is left to do is assess blame. People are bored, looking for drama, and you’re delivering, LOL! If that’s where you want to take the discussion, it’s your nickel. </p>
<p>Seriously, I don’t see why you need to reveal all of this personal stuff and try to exonerate yourself in anyone’s eyes. I don’t see why you care if anyone here thinks you are a good person. This is an online chat group. If you stop posting, it all ends. That’s what I’d do, but it’s a free country.</p>
<p>Stacy, I thought you were in NY, were instate tuition is about 6K; it seems that most of your cost is the continuation of child support, not the tuitition. Oh, but wait, if you convinced Jane to come live with you, that would go away too.</p>
<p>*At the expensive school, this brings the cost down to 100% of ‘equivalent of instate tuition and fees’ When my other kids go to an instate school, their grants, loans, scholarships, etc. will bring that number down about 50-60% based on my research. So I won’t be paying nearly as much for them.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Unless your other children already have the stats/test scores to apply to college, you have NO IDEA that your other kids will have the stats to get scholarships, etc. </p>
<p>It doesn’t sound like you’re low income enough to get grants from a state school. And, some of the state schools don’t give merit scholarships…or don’t give much. </p>
<p>And if it’s a year or more before the next child applies for college, you really have no idea what scholarships/grants will be available since many schools/gov’ts are rather broke and might change their awards. </p>
<p>The only thing that you can really depend on is that your other kids can take out student loans to reduce your costs. And, since you don’t like Jane taking out loans, why would you want your other kids to? That said, you could insist that Jane take out the max student loans…which for sophs would be 6500. </p>
<p>Again, all you’re being asked to pay is for half of an instate tuition/fees…that’s about 3500 or so. Is that really some unreasonable amount? And, is that really a lot more than you’ll likely be paying out each year for your other kids?</p>
<p>This is the fishy part (but now op is gone)–NY state and Mass. tuition, as far as I know, are not free to anyone, and I thought the op said he lived in NY!</p>
<p>I think OP said divorce order was NY. He could live in some other state. Maybe GA or Florida? That would make sense with OP. Moves to lower COLA area. Lets mom to deal with costs if she doesnt want kid to move.</p>
<p>*This is the fishy part (but now op is gone)–NY state and Mass. tuition, as far as I know, are not free to anyone, and I thought the op said he lived in NY! *</p>
<p>I don’t think he has said what state he lives in now. If he lives in GA or FL, then the D may have gotten HOPE or Bright Futures.</p>
<p>However, if the he lives in Mass, then the D may have gotten “free tuition,” but we all know that the “fees” in Mass are much, much, much higher than tuition. So getting “free tuition” is like an 1800 scholarship…but those nasty fees are about $5k per year. That’s often a surprise for those who are “thrilled” to get that “free tuition” scholarship.</p>
<p>That said, since the divorce was in NY and that’s where the custodial parent lives, the OP shouldn’t be using other state’s instate rates or scholarship rules as some kind of guideline for Jane.</p>
<p>What kills me about this thread is that other times on CC, people advise others, dont be concerned about what others do for finaid. Here, some want to help the OP bring his X down. I get “called out” for not wanting to be helpful to OP. I dont want to be helpful to OP. He has said so many things that are at best contradictory, at worse indicative of controlling and selfish actions. I dont undertsand why the same people who say play you own game think it is fine to help this guy. </p>
<p>Others here are more experienced re finaid. I think I may be more experienced re divorce, and this thread has more red flags than Moscow on May Day.</p>
<p>I’m not sure that the OP really was the husband. It could have been wife #2 posing as her H because she thought that she wouldn’t be a sympathetic character. The drama element sounded more like a second wife than a dad.</p>
<p>Mom2, I agree, I think that is stepmom. Based on tone, changing points as to what is known, and name. I mentioned that once and was criticized. So be it. I find it terrible that people want to help whomever this is wreck havoc on a child – apparently because OP dislikes the mother.</p>
<p>^^I had that same thought once or twice while reading. However, I have definitely known dads who stir up a heck of a lot of drama. And all the parts about how he wants his ex-wife to behave sounded a lot like an ex-husband, versus a second wife. If you’re all about policing and punishing others, particularly when you pretend you’re policing and punishing others for noble reasons (I don’t want my poor ex-wife to be saddled with debt, lol), there’s going to be a LOT of drama. Sad.</p>
<p>* because I read that once a FA counselor becomes aware of fraud, he/she is obliged to report it. So I wanted to get an answer before I said anything to D’s FA counselor.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>I don’t know if this was addressed…</p>
<p>I don’t think “fraud” has to be reported IF it only involved institutional aid. However, if fraud involved getting federal/state aid, then it probably would need to get reported. That said, there’s no evidence that the ex submitted a FAFSA that wasn’t accurate…and since fed aid and (I think) NY state aid is based on CP’s income, there wouldn’t be any fraud involved with that.</p>
<p>I just don’t think that a private school is required by any law to report “fraud” that ONLY involved their own funds. </p>
<p>I think that is stepmom. Based on tone, changing points as to what is known, and name. I mentioned that once and was criticized</p>
<p>oops sorry deleted that post re OP more likely being SM after another poster commented that I was mean spirited and not helpful to OP. But you can see the other posters reply, #40 on page 3</p>