<p>I think you have now touched on another aspect of the pressure/stress situation. </p>
<p>I acknowledge that my S took ownership of the process early in the game. Sounds like your two S's did the same.</p>
<p>To what extent do you think some of a student's stress is from feeling that he or she is not really ready or even wants to go to college? For those who appreciate the humor of seeing a flat tire on a Rolls Royce, my S's prep school uniformly experiences some of its graduates burning out at some pretty "elite" colleges and universities.</p>
<p>I wonder how many parents give off the "vibe," or come right out and announce that it simply is not acceptable for the S or D to decline or delay going to college. </p>
<p>FYI-- that's one of the reasons I made my S the offer of a gap year.</p>
<p>Idle musing -- I wonder if this outcry about obsession would be as loud if your son or daughter were making All State in their sport and chasing the Big Time Scholarship and a major U. It seems that to be truly great at something, music, art, sports, or academics, requires some degree of obsession. Maybe the kids that are chasing the Ivy dream are no different than the ones chasing the football scholarship at USC, Notre Dame, and Florida?</p>
<p>Unfortunately, parent obsessions begin very early in some cases. My friend who is a preschool teacher has just spent the past few months writing "recommendation letters" for her preschool kids so they can get in to the prestigious private elementary schools. Her preschool is now offering yoga classes to keep up with the demands of parents. Next thing you know, they'll be offering AP Finger Painting :)</p>
<p>Kidding aside, after being an "obsessed parent' myself and hovering over my first child through her college application process, I'm definitely taking everything a notch down with my other kids. It's not easy especially when we're surrounded by overachieving kids and obsessive parents...
but I'm working on it :) Instead of obsessing with colleges, I want to obsess more on creating fond memories with them and teaching them compassion, tolerance and service.</p>
<p>Sports/arts "gifted" kids are being pushed too hard in one direction, especially in the sports area, where injuries are common and the moneymaking tier is ruthlessly, ruthlessly cutthroat. When I see a 5-ft-7 kid planning on getting a football scholarship - and avoiding his studies to pursue it - I really wonder where the parents are.</p>
<p>I call it the American Idol Syndrome: Simon Cowell is the only person who tells these dreamers "ah, you can't sing and you need to do something else."</p>
<p>I hope you guys don't get mad at me for posting in here (being a student and all) but this is the only forum on this site where there is some sanity to be found. Reading the student forums makes me laugh a lot but also makes me pretty sad for them. Luckily I've had an amazing past two years of high school. I've done what I needed to ensure that college works out how I want it to, but I've also spent a ton of time with my family and friends relaxing and doing the things I love to do. I can't imagine the immense regret that these kids will have in 20 years looking back at high school and the time they wasted studying for that 4th SAT retake to get 20 more points.</p>
<p>What scares me is that they might not break out of it. If they keep up, how will they survive? What scares me more, is how will they raise their own children?</p>
<p>An obsession by its nature is not healthy. Some are worse than others. I'd rather kids be obsessed with college than cocaine, I still think these kids could be better off.</p>
<p>Visirale...you are far ahead of your peers...just from understanding all the facets of one's life. Parents push children way too much...have to get into the right preschool.....the right prep school. Must play sports....cheerleader, little Miss Princess, etc. Kids grow up stressed and at least the vast majority here...standardized tests are the proof you've "made" it. How many threads begin...."your scores aren't high enough." Or I've made a 2400 on SATS...what are my chances. Every school in which we researched, stressed diversity. </p>
<p>Also...high school, then college, is supposed to be the greatest time of one's life. Why spend the entire time worrying about college. My kids work hard on their studies and extra ciriculars. But they have much downtime just to be kids, to be a member of our family. Any obsession is not healthy.</p>
<p>Doesn't the whole college process breed this obsession? The application process is much more intense that when I went to school.
All college bound senior do their first semester is focus on all that is involved in applying to college. The second semester is for interviews, auditions, scholarships, and whatever else might be needed. It's no wonder that in March they are driving themselves crazy and pretty much just want high school to be over.
We as parents (I think) need to be the voice of reason and perspective for our kids, not an additional source of stress.</p>
<p>(randc is stepping off his soapbox now :) )</p>
<p>When my son was finishing high school a year ago, it seemed that the parents were far more concerned with where the kids would end up than the kids were. He knew early on that he got into the college he wanted, but it took the other kids a while longer to decide. When the parents were at some gathering they would always ask each other how the college process was going, and where were the kids going. The kids almost never talked about it, they made their decisions (with parent input of course) and continued on with their busy lives.</p>
<p>I know in my household, I'm the obsessed one, not my son. When he has his stack of acceptances, he'll think it over rationally and choose one. Sounds so simple. I do at least realize I am being ridiculous. Whether he talks about it at school, I don't know, but at home he's just doing his usual thing. As it should be, he's focused on the play he's directing and the rest of his semester. I tell myself, I'm doing the worrying for all of us, but honestly, for the most part, it doesn't need to be done.</p>
<p>My daughter is beginning to stress but she remained calm and focus during the application process. I was proud of her committment and dedication. I try to keep my thoughts quiet.</p>
<p>I know what you mean. My son has 2 ED "yeses" with 5 RD to come. I"M the one who seems to be way more interested in will the 5 (or which of them) be yeses or won't they.</p>
<p>As a parent you have to be obsessed to the right level that when it comes time for the decision. Have all factors which need to be considered been considered by your children? Many of these kids lack the interest, bandwith and experience to net out the entire big picture of picking school A over School B. Have they gone to the webpages, have they made the value judgements between schools based on some decision matrix. Kids can reach a emotional decision rather than a factual one and this is where the parents experience, knowledge have to come in. As an example with many kids the Financial elements and outcomes of the decision (loans, parents ability to pay) ect just aren't all that important. I think many Parents who post here have similar concerns thats why they tend to be so active and engaged. One just needs to pickup the USA today and read some of these case studies of post college graduates.</p>
<p>Because the financial part is ok for us, we're going to leave the decision totally up to our son. I will, of course offer my services to help him sort through the factors that will go into the decision, but he'll be the one spending time there so, in our family, he'll be the decider (if W hasn't ruined that word). I have no problem with other families handling it differently. Every situation is different.</p>
<p>Our family was in the same situation with my son several years ago. He had a very hard decision, and we helped him sort through it, but was the "decider". He ended up being very happy with his choice, but even if he hadn't been, he wouldn't have had his parents to blame:)</p>