<p>Are the dorm bathrooms at Oberlin co-ed? I heard that somewhere.</p>
<p>Some of them are, but not all. Each hall votes at the beginning of the year to determine how they want their bathrooms to be gendered, based on what the residents are comfortable with. They could make the whole facility all-gender, or leave the sinks and toilets open to everyone but have separate showers. Or they could have divided men’s and women’s bathrooms - the drawback being that since most halls are co-ed and many only have one bathroom, half the residents would have to go for a hike in order to pee, and trans students would be out of luck.</p>
<p>The “E system” is getting more and more popular as a compromise. You put a cardboard E outside the bathroom, which folks can rotate to determine who’s allowed in at any given time: E = everyone, M = men, W = women, and 3 = me, myself, and I.</p>
<p>A lot of people are dubious about all-gender bathrooms before they get to Oberlin, and quickly find out that it’s just not a big deal. But there are also plenty of alternatives if it’s something you’re uncomfortable with.</p>
<p>I don’t understand why this topic keeps coming up. It just isn’t that big a deal. I lived in a coop in college, many years ago, and we had coed bathrooms. It was simply not an issue.</p>
<p>Seriously. And it’s not like Oberlin is the only school that has them. I think every college I prospied at had all-gender bathrooms as an option in the dorms… it’s a pretty normal thing to find at liberal-leaning schools.</p>
<p>Right. I actually don’t know of any college that <em>doesn’t</em> have all-gender bathrooms, except for very conservative and religious institutions.</p>
<p>If you went there, and your hall decided to have those, what can you do if you don’t want that?</p>
<p>So lots of colleges have all-gender bathrooms? I just haven’t heard this about any other college.</p>
<p>At one point it was policy that if a single person on a hall was uncomfortable with all-gender bathrooms, the bathroom there had to be gendered. I’m pretty sure that’s changed, but it may still be the case.</p>
<p>If you end up with a bathroom situation that you’re really not comfortable with - whether the hall voted for all-gender and you’re only comfortable in gendered, or vice versa - there are a few things you can do:</p>
<ul>
<li><p>Use the E-system for the bathroom, so that people can gender or ungender it depending on their preference. That’s a solution that accommodates everyone.</p></li>
<li><p>Have another hall meeting about it and ask people to reconsider their decision. You can ask the RA to advocate for you anonymously if you’re worried about speaking up yourself.</p></li>
<li><p>Use a comfortable bathroom on another hall. (And since most halls have one bathroom, if the bathrooms were gendered there’s a 50% chance that you’d have to walk to another hall anyway.)</p></li>
</ul>
<p>You can also ask to live on a single-sex hall, where the bathrooms are more likely to be gendered. (Conversely, someone who needed an all-gender bathroom could apply for the co-ops, where the bathrooms are virtually always “just bathrooms”.)</p>
<p>[url=<a href="http://www.umass.edu/stonewall/uploads/listWidget/8749/bathroom%20FAQ.pdf]Here’s[/url">http://www.umass.edu/stonewall/uploads/listWidget/8749/bathroom%20FAQ.pdf]Here’s[/url</a>] an FAQ from the LGBT center at UMass that says that over 150 colleges and universities have gender-neutral bathrooms on campus, including one where all restrooms on campus are all-gender. It’s not something you’re likely to hear about on the tour (“and here’s our state-of-the-art, $85 million gender-neutral bathroom!”) … but it’s definitely not just an Oberlin thing.</p>
<p>It’s not just bathrooms. At some schools, it’s dorm rooms:</p>
<p>[Just</a> roommates - The Boston Globe](<a href=“http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2008/04/02/just_roommates/?page=full]Just”>http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2008/04/02/just_roommates/?page=full)</p>
<p>And transgender issues:</p>
<p>[When</a> Girls Will Be Boys - New York Times](<a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/16/magazine/16students-t.html?pagewanted=2&ei=5088&en=c902f90f30e08263&ex=1363320000&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss]When”>http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/16/magazine/16students-t.html?pagewanted=2&ei=5088&en=c902f90f30e08263&ex=1363320000&partner=rssnyt&emc=rss)</p>
<p>But liberals assume wrongly their college is typical across the country. It isn’t. Gender neutral bathrooms are a growing concept but not yet the majority:</p>
<p>[News:</a> Momentum for Gender Neutrality - Inside Higher Ed](<a href=“http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2007/08/27/gender]News:”>http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2007/08/27/gender)</p>
<p>Still, I was shocked when I, as a parent of an incoming freshman, first heard about this. I didn’t find out until the Accepted Students visit and orientation in April. The topic was raised in a large, auditorium style classroom packed exclusively with parents. Interestingly, the parents of boys showed very little concern and couldn’t understand why the parent’s of girls would be. Well, duh! Informally, in my conversations with parents, those most outraged and shocked all had daughters. </p>
<p>“150 Colleges and universities” is a tiny fraction. Most colleges do NOT have gender neutral dorm bathrooms. Personally, such an arrangement is unacceptable to me. But I realized that I’m not going to be the student. My kid is going to be the student. She has to be comfortable with it. I won’t be there. If she’s comfortable, I will accept it. If it turns out that once she experiences it she hates it, I’ll pull her out of there. It’s that simple.</p>
<p>Gee, Plainsman, I sort of thought the decision of whether to stay or leave a college was for the student to make. Guess you don’t think much of your child’s ability to make decisions. Maybe you should move to Oberlin in case she needs your help freshman year. You can even go to class with her to make sure she’s taking notes the way you would.</p>
<p>Plainsman, I certainly don’t think it’s “typical across the country” (unfortunately, IMO, since it’s a valuable option to have). My point was simply that it’s not some perverse innovation that’s unique to Oberlin, even though people seem to fixate on us whenever the topic comes up. Maybe it’s because we got a lot of publicity for pioneering all-gender dorms, way back in the day.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>This is the operative statement. Regardless of what parents think, it’s the students’ choice (literally! we vote!) - and FWIW, most students at Oberlin don’t consider it a big deal, and there are safe, comfortable options for those who are worried. If an all-gender bathroom is the most strange or unacceptable choice your kid makes after leaving home, well, you’re in pretty good shape.</p>
<p>(And jeez, I feel like [this</a> has come up a lot recently](<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/oberlin-college/692377-report-oberlin-weekend-visit.html]this”>Report: Oberlin Weekend Visit - Oberlin College - College Confidential Forums). Will it ever die? There are so many things at Oberlin that are more important and more interesting…)</p>
<p>I never understand why this worries parents. Students are quite likely to experiment and do things that their parents may not approve of, whether that is in relation to sexuality, substances, or simply lifestyles. Bathrooms being gender neutral has nothing to do with that, and everything to do with maximizing the comfort of all students in a place (thus it being up to student vote, and not simply an overarching policy). Think about it, you wake up in the morning, walk over to the bathroom, brush your teeth, take a quick shower, and get ready for class. You may see someone of the opposite gender in a towel, but you think nothing of it, they’re your neighbor and likely your friend. Students may find it strange at first, but within a week, that tends to disappear. The dorm is your home, and you share it with many other people. It is not as if sharing your bathroom with the opposite gender will promote moral debauchery or really any sort of issues.</p>
<p>Ok, thanks for all the information everyone. I just hadn’t heard that this was becoming a normal option, so I guess it’s not just at Oberlin. What are some of the other colleges with this policy?</p>
<p>A little quick googling turns up Harvard, Stanford, Dartmouth, Vassar, the U. of Chicago, Grinnell, Carleton, the U. of Arizona, Berkeley, Beloit, Bates, Emerson, Brown, Swarthmore, Williams, Connecticut College, the U. of Vermont, Skidmore, Pomona, Pizter, Harvey Mudd, San Diego State…</p>
<p>A quick google told me–</p>
<p>University of California, San Diego, NYU, Ohio State University, University of Colorado, Boulder, University of Vermont, Brown, Stanford, Rice University, Harvard University, Williams College, Hampshire College, University of Chicago, Reed College, Wesleyan University, UC- Berkeley, UC- Santa Cruz, Swarthmore College, Amherst College, University of New Hampshire, University of Iowa, Tufts University, Emerson College</p>
<p>Just to name a few.</p>
<p>EDIT: I guess dave72 beat me to it. =P</p>
<p>Some colleges’ allowing a gay and lesbian to be roommates seems to be an optimal solution, as a related issue.</p>