<p>To the OP: Actually in your state personal possession of marijuana is a misdemeanor with no jail time.</p>
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<p>May I suggest an alternative viewpoint? Show those photos to your Congressperson and ask if he or she understands that U.S. drug policy is making pot smuggling extremely profitable for the cartels, so profitable that they will torture and kill in order to keep their business. An American college student growing a pot plant or two for occasional, personal use sounds to me like an appealing alternative to the current state of affairs.</p>
<p>I went to a drug counselor to try to determine what I’m dealing with. I then had my son go. He didn’t have a full assessment yet (that will happen if there is any more trouble), but from talking with my son for an hour, the counselor determined that so far, his use is not a serious problem…meaning that the frequency is not concerning. And he seems to know when it is or isn’t appropriate. (He knows and respects that it can’t be in my home or cars.) There are extenuating circumstances behind all the incidents. I guess I’m going to chalk it up to bad luck and stupidity.</p>
<p>For example, when he got caught at school, he and a friend were smoking pot outside, at night, far from the dorms. Apparently someone walked by and smelled it. Then the cops were called. How many people, if they smell pot, call the cops??? Maybe it was the RA that walked by. We’ll never know.</p>
<p>When he got pulled over, the cop gave him no reason for the stop. It was late at night (1:30 am) and he had just dropped a friend off. My son had to turn around to go back to his friends because he forgot his phone. When he pulled into a residential area from the main road, unbeknownst to him a cop was behind him. He turned around in a driveway (to head back home) because he realized his phone had fallen on the floor. As soon as he turned around, the cop pulled in front of him blocking the road. We live in a small community outside of a metropolitan area. The cops here have nothing to do. There was NO traffic violation. So why was he pulled over? For turning around in a driveway late at night?</p>
<p>This is not to say that I’m not concerned. I’m hoping that this whole situation wises him up to the perils of pot use. But ultimately it’s up to him to choose to use or not. Legally it can (and has been) be a huge problem.</p>
<p>The social environment he finds himself in at school is clearly enabling and promoting his behavior. When I was an undergrad in engineering, one of my classmates got involved with smoking pot and the social scene that goes with it. His high “friends” ended up beating him to death with a baseball bat, apparently for the rolex he was wearing and the money in his wallet. That experience certainly did a lot to formulate my opinion of potheads.</p>
<p>I’m sure you know that it’s extremely difficult, if not impossible, to say no to using pot if all your friends are using it. If it was my kid, he would promptly find himself either at another school or in a 9-5 job in the real world until he straightened up. I don’t see how you can expect anything to change once he goes back to school if he’s still hanging out with the same crowd.</p>
<p>Is this 1953 again?? I suggest a viewing of “Reefer Madness” so you can feel at home–in the deep fear-mongering past. Half the people smoking pot today are over 50 and normal middle class folks.</p>
<p>I don’t think you need to be freaking out just yet—definitely keep an eye on his general behavior and grades, but unless it is affecting those I personally don’t think it’s a huge problem. I have friends whose parents still smoke recreationally!</p>
<p>I go to Cornell, and I’d have to say 8/10 people I know drink at least once a week, and probably 6/10 smoke recreationally (at least once every few weeks). My freshman year all the guys on my floor bought a vaporizer together—so that they could smoke without the telltale scent and thus get away with it in the dorms.<br>
I don’t think its particularly unusual for an 18 yr old college kid to try these things—it really only becomes problematic when it interferes with other parts of your life. </p>
<p>I think random drug testing might be a bit extreme in this case, but maybe you could confront him about what you found—don’t yell at him or punish him yet necessarily, but maybe discuss how its understandable for him to want to try new things being away from home but how this could affect the rest of his life negatively if he’s not careful and smart about it.<br>
Do some research about your state’s laws and the state’s laws where he goes to school—they can vary greatly. I have a friend who lives in CT–where you can get jail time for being caught in possession of weed, but goes to school here in NY—where it’s not that big a deal at all, usually just a fine for a reasonable amount in possession.<br>
Talk to him about how drug related arrests could affect his life forever and his possible career options. Also discuss drug testing for jobs and internships and how this could affect his future. I have friends who smoke all the time but when they apply for internships and jobs they stop smoking 2 months in advance in preparation for drug testing and stop smoking the week before finals so that they can focus on studying. Emphasize no driving under the influence, etc.
Perhaps note that while you accept his recreational use of these things in college might happen because of the environment–that if he is not smart about it and gets caught again you will need to consider random drug testing.</p>
<p>I’m sure pot as a drug is less dangerous than alcohol. The problem is the attitude and indifference to authority of the people that are involved with the growing, distributing, and selling of pot (see drug cartels). You have a much higher likelihood of ending up dead or behind bars if you associate with those people than if you don’t. </p>
<p>My point is, if Youngcheol Park didn’t hang out with people who smoked pot, he wouldn’t be dead right now. It’s not like he was robbed randomly on the street - he was at his buddies house smoking pot and doing lines of coke, and the guy killed him. You can argue correlation and causation all day, but the people in my class who didn’t regularly smoke pot all lived to graduate.</p>
<p>People form their opinions based on personal experience. Obviously each of you have had different experiences with pot and/or people who use it.</p>
<p>The only experience I’ve had with it is that I knew a few people in college who smoked a lot. One turned out to be a successful cardiologist. One was kind of a loser and hasn’t amounted to much–maybe he wouldn’t have even without the pot. The others I don’t know what happened to. Now my only other experience with it is my son’s use. I HATE IT. Is it any different than drinking a couple of nights a week? I don’t know. I have a glass or two of wine, or a cocktail or a couple of beers 2-3 nights. Is what my son is doing any worse than that? </p>
<p>But there is a BIG difference. He can get arrested JUST for possessing his drug of choice. I can’t. And there is a stigma attached to those who use. Why else do employers drug test? Why don’t they test to see if people drink alcohol?</p>
<p>Then something else was going on. Someone stoned on pot, in the absence of aggravating factors, specifically a tendency to commit violent crimes regardless of their drug use, is the least likely person on Earth to kill someone with a baseball bat. Just sayin’.</p>
<p>I don’t have any more to add to this conversation - I just want to clarify that I fully agree that the pot had nothing to do with what happened at Penn State - and the pot itself is not what KMPete should be concerned about. The problem is the people who engage in that type of lifestyle sometimes have a complete disregard for the law in general (i.e. the distributors), and what KMPete should be most concerned about is removing his/her son from the social environment that is causing him to engage in smoking pot.</p>
<p>Although, given the fact he already has an arrest record - there could be merit in just letting him figure out life for himself. If he doesn’t realize by now that his losing the summer job is a direct result of his choice to smoke pot regardless of whether it’s harmful or not, then his next arrest, and maybe some jail time, could be just what he needs.</p>
<p>Your son may not have a drug problem as defined by those at treatment centers, but because of his bad luck, stupidity, ignorance, etc in using the drug, he has a problem. He simply cannot afford to get caught again with the stuff in his system. I have told my kids that being stupid and having bad luck is a deadly combination, so they had better smarten up. The truth of the matter is that if you get caught doing something that a lot of people do with impunity, you are no longer in that carefree crowd. You now are looking at more severe penalties. </p>
<p>In the state of NY if you are caught speeding under certain circumstances, 2x, your license can be suspended. So even if EVERYONE is speeding, you cannot if you already have 1 violation on your record. You are not on the same playing field as everyone else. So your son has some problems that others have not had. I know a lot of kids who had to take drug tests and many of them smoke pot. But they passed their tests somehow. Maybe your son’s system holds the traces longer than other people do, maybe they are more savvy, maybe they refrained from touching the stuff for the required period of time. Regardless, he struck out of a great job because somehow he didn’t pass the drug test.</p>
<p>So when you are caught or have a problem with something, you have to behave differently and be a lot more careful. That goes for things like driving, smoking pot, drinking, anything really. If you are unlucky enough that a RA or a teacher or someone reports you for anything, you have that strike on your record, and if something like that happens again, you are a repeat offender.</p>
<p>He’s not a cool cat with 9 lives. This cat is getting close to edge here. He’s going to have to be a lot more careful than his peers because of what has happened in his life this past year. Nothing fair about it, but it’s just the way things work. If he doesn’t get this, he is being foolish.</p>
<p>I agree with the general gist of some of the posters. Some people are going to have a problem with alcohol, some people are going to have a problem with pot, some people are going to have a problem with cigarettes. What I tell my kids is right now pot is illegal. For two of my three alcohol and pot are illegal. Pot is barely a slap on the hands at my college kid’s college town, actually less of an offense than alcohol, but when he is home I don’t want it happening…just like I don’t want any alcohol happening and I don’t want any cigarettes happening. Its also incredibly expensive and a huge waste of money which I also tell the kids. Someone who has been caught numerous times for any illegal anything needs to cool their jets in my opinion and yeah I agree with CPT being stupid combined with bad luck is not a good combination and I tell the kids if they are smart enough to be in college they are smart enough to function within society’s rules whether or not they happen to agree or disagree with them. There are better ways to protest society rules than running around stupidly breaking the rules.</p>
<p>Honestly, his decision to smoke weed outside in public was very stupid, and it doesn’t surprise me that he got caught. Smoking in public is never a good idea, regardless of the time of day. He should have stuck to smoking inside, using sploofs, sprays, and an open window to conceal the smell.</p>
<p>^That’s not always the best idea, depending on where you are. Or perhaps he had a roommate that wasn’t okay with smoke. I know in my town it’s a lot better to smoke outdoors, no one cares and it’s decriminalized. It does of course depend on where you are though.</p>
<p>Here’s a question for those of you who are college aged (or any age–I guess it doesn’t really matter). What about smoking in apartments? My son is slated to room with 4 guys in a private apartment (this is iffy at this point because his dad and I are thinking of changing his living arrangements) and I know at least one likes to smoke pot. If kids are smoking in their apartment, can it be smelled from the hall and would someone call the cops?</p>
<p>Of course someone could call the cops. You can’t predict whether they will or not. </p>
<p>If he’s planning on living with someone known to smoke pot, you know he’s going to smoke too. He’s probably planning on living with the kids he smoked with during the previous academic year </p>
<p>Rather than blame his getting caught on stupidity and bad luck, why don’t you put the blame on your son. In reality, he’s probably been lucky more than unlucky. I’m sure there were many other times when he just didn’t get caught.</p>
<p>I would not recommend that for your son, as he’s been in trouble before and most likely has much more to lose than the others who will be living there. However, he needs to know the laws and the general culture on campus.</p>
<p>For example, I will be living in a large “party” apartment building this coming fall where quite a bit of weed is smoked. No one is going to be calling the cops. No one cares and if they did they would live somewhere else. The culture of my school is also extremely tolerant towards weed in general.</p>
<p>Could someone call the cops? Yes, but you would likely be laughed at at the police department, considering it is essentially legal to smoke weed in a private residence here in Madison (there may be a small fine but it’s not a criminal offense). And the cops here use the same policy they do for underage drinking - they don’t get involved unless you are calling EXTREME attention to yourself. Technically some negative consequences are possible, but here it’s about as risky as drinking underage.</p>
<p>I personally will be smoking most days in my apartment, however I will most likely invest in a few fans/some Febreze and plugging up the space under the door with a towel, and I’ll smoke outside on my private balcony when it’s warm. I will also not be smoking right near the front door of the apartment. I don’t like making my room smell and not all my roommates smoke so I’ll be keeping the smell to a minimum. I am not worried, but that’s because I know a lot about what is acceptable and what is not at my school (though honestly there aren’t a lot of things that aren’t acceptable, lol). Even if some smell went in the hall, I know no one would care. Most times when I am walking down the hall of an apartment building here I can smell weed. However, you don’t know if your son has such a permissive atmosphere and how safe he would be, but overall I think many college students smoke in private apartments and they are just fine. Your son just has a lot to lose so I wouldn’t risk it.</p>
<p>He’s at the U of Iowa. They’re cracking down on any illegal activity. Though a liberal school, clearly not the level of Madison! Thanks for the advice and warning.</p>
<p>I’m sorry that your son has had these experiences, but I’m surprised that no on here has mentioned that through all of this one thing that you should do is take very good care of YOURSELF. </p>
<p>You indicated that you have seen a drug counselor, which is a good step, and sharing on these boards is another because support is essential. But I would also suggest finding a group like Al-Anon or Nar-Anon where you can hear and discuss the issues with your son with live people who have been through the situation. There will be stories far more harsh than your son’s but also ones that relatively mild. You can get some in-person parental perspective to keep YOURSELF sane, centered, and discover options that yu may not have been aware of for dealing with all or part of this painful situation. After all, the boy is over 18 and you cannot make him do anything about this until he wants to, but you can make up your mind what YOU will do. </p>
<p>That said, I think your son definitely has a problem. He can’t stop smoking/drinking after repeated negative consequences. He lost a job because he failed a drug test. And he gets high alone (I think that’s what I read, but I only skimmed this thread), which is by definition not being a “social” drinker/user. He makes no attempt to hide his drug paraphernalia while at home. And he promises to “cut down” yet has no real plan about how to do so—another classic sign of a drug/drink problem. He is doing well now at home, and that’s all to the good. Whether he develops a more serious problem nobody can yet say. It’s certainly true that for some kids experiences like his are just a bump in the road, not harbingers of doom. </p>
<p>But these are certainly enough red flags here for me to think that his use is beyond the experimentation or social drinking (smoking) stage. And enough to think that you should find some sort of support group to help you through this until it becomes clear that he needs to take more action to stop using, or you can chalk it up to the dumb excesses of immaturity and living away from home for the first time.</p>