Grew up working class. Ended up in college by sheer will (college advisor wanted me to enroll in secretarial school), but still have a working class mindset in many ways. What should I be thinking about with my kids? One will be in HS next year and the younger one will enter 8th grade. Older daughter is a top, top math/science student, but B+ in English/history/foreign language. Plays a travel sport, but has no other EC. Don’t want her to end junior year with a “wish I would have known” feeling as she approaches college applications. Younger son is bright and wise, but struggles to focus on school. Also plays travel sport and plans to play in HS band (already in MS band). Daughter would like to go to top school, son plans to go to college, but doesn’t necessarily discuss schools. WWYD?
You need to start with learning about EFC, setting a budget and deciding on a strategy.
Will you qualify for need based aid at schools that offer to meet full need?
Will your daughter need merit based aid in order to hit your budget?
As far as activities and such, she does need to decide on a few things she really enjoys doing and pursue them intentionally.
She can start visiting college websites and signing up now to get on their mailing lists. Some colleges track interest, so I’m guessing they might look on that more positively than if she’d waited for them to contact her. Also, I’d have her take the SAT and/or ACT this spring. That way, she will have time to retake one later if she wants/needs to. Try to visit a few of her favorite colleges this spring, too, if you can. We waited until the fall of senior year, and I wish we’d started sooner.
My biggest advice to you is don’t let her fall in love with a college she can’t afford (in fact, do not allow her to apply to a college if you are certain it is not affordable), and make sure she has a list of colleges with a range of selectivity. You are right that lack of ECs will impact her ability to get into most top colleges.
Go to FAFSA and determine your EFC. But also know that each college has a net price calculator (NPC) on their website that shows what you might be expected to pay at that college. FAFSA is just for determining eligibility for Pell grants and federal loans, doesn’t say what a given college will expect you to pay. Note that the net price calculators aren’t very accurate if you are divorced, have a small business, or own rental real estate. You will probably get less aid than they show.
I’d start with finding safeties for your daughter. Schools she is quite sure she can get into, you know you can afford, and she is willing to attend. Then focus more on matches and reaches. Safeties are the hardest to find.
I’d leave your 8th grader alone as far as colleges go. Maybe have him tag along if you visit a couple of colleges with your D (it can give some incentive). But otherwise I’d just encourage him to do as well as he can in school and do ECs that he enjoys.
Also, have her take a peek at the Common Application website, because a lot of the top colleges use that. Specifically, look at the essay prompts. She can start thinking about possible topics for her Common Application essay now, even though she won’t need to write/polish the essay until late summer or early fall. The other thing I’d recommend is having her ask a few teachers in May if they’d be willing to write recommendation letters for her this fall. That way, things will go more smoothly in the fall when she contacts them again about the letters.
It looks like most people are interpreting your post to say “I have an 11th grade daughter and an 8th grade son,” but I read your original post as “I have an 8th grade daughter (“will be in HS next year”) and a 7th grade son (“will enter 8th grade”).” Which is it?
Sounds like her kids are in 7th and 8th grade. At this point they should just do their best in school, take challenging courses they can do well in, pursue their passions and that’s about it.
Start a google document so you remember any volunteer activities or extra curricular things they participate in and awards and recognition they receive. A lot of schools want to see volunteer hours in something she’s excited about. Wish I had known that earlier.
thanks for sharing. other things you wish you had known about earlier?
Yes, daughter is in 8th, son in 7th. Guess I am asking - how frank should I be about doing well in school? Right now daughter turns off teachers if she doesn’t like them, etc. Also says she is not good at language so does not put in time to improve. Would hate for her to have many options, but she forecloses some because of mindset, not ability.
It is the latter.
- Money gives you options. Start college funds if you haven't already. Every little bit helps. Learn about financial aid as well.
- Be careful where you seek advice, including who you listen to on this forum. You want level-headed advice, not "if you don't pass the SAT in 7th grade you're DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!" Good advice recognizes that getting into college isn't nearly as hard as getting into Stanford, and that there are colleges offering amazing opportunities at multiple price points and levels of selectivity. Try this one, https://www.amazon.com/If-Fits-Admissions-Princeton-2014-03-18/dp/B01FJ16GRU or this one https://www.amazon.com/Fiske-Guide-Getting-Right-College/dp/1492633305
- Start by exploring your in-state public university system, then branch out from there. Your in-state system is often a best buy, because you get an automatic tuition discount just for being a state resident. A few states, noticeably Pennsylvania, have expensive state colleges where your best price may be elsewhere. In sophomore or junior year, start making a list of things you might like in a school. Some good guidelines here http://schoolbuff.com/qualities.asp Before adding a college to your list, check net price calculator which is required to be on the school's financial aid website.
- Subscribe to a few email loops or podcasts to educate yourself gradually. I often recommend this one http://www.hscounselorweek.com/ and I've become a fan of the College Essay Guy Podcast more recently if you listen to podcasts.
From your perspective, the #1 thing is to look at the financial planning aspect: what can you afford, and what do the net price calculators of various possible colleges of interest say?
For now, the kids should try to do the best they can in school. http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/college-admissions/1995563-faq-high-school-college-prep-base-curriculum.html has some information on choosing high school courses for college prep purposes.
11th grade will be the standardized testing year. The PSAT in 11th grade is the one that counts for National Merit qualification (many colleges give big scholarships for National Merit status). Additionally, taking one each of SAT and ACT during 11th grade allows for chances to retake the initially higher one later if desired. The last SAT test date in 11th grade is often used for SAT subject tests by students interested in colleges that want them.
If your kids don’t read in their free time already, I’d use your parental authority to encourage them to start now. Being a voracious reader will help them on standardized tests, in high school, and in college once they get there. Also, it sounds like your older daughter is squared away in math, but make sure there aren’t any gaps. It’s critical to provide your kids with a solid education in algebra and geometry. If there are any issues, try to get a tutor sooner rather than later.
Adding, as the kids make decisions about courses in 8th grade and high school, consider what colleges (top and not) expect.
Many want 4 years of math (highest level they can do), some years of a foreign language, the main 3 sciences Bio-Chem-Physics at least, an American History plus a World/Euopean history, good writing and literature, etc.
Middle school is a landmine for smart girls. There is a lot of social pressure and sticking out by being getting good grades doesn’t make you more popular.
There are a number of chance me posts on these forums from teens thinking about college and wishing they had cared more about their grades in 9th and 10th.
You can’t say nothing, but you need to be careful not to become overbearing in managing your children’s high school careers. Be clear about expecting better and why. Middle school determines whether she gets into honors track courses in high school, which may be more interesting or have more academically focused peers.
Enrolled in top math in MS and assume same for HS. While son not in top math, he now sees a tutor to ensure he has strong foundation even if he is not rocking the top end of the concepts. Both kids were more voracious readers when younger, but still read every day.
what happens if they are not in advanced? how will this affect them?
The very elite colleges look for calculus which usually means algebra is done by/in 8th grade (geo 9th, alg 2 10th, pre-calc 11th and then calc). But the vast majority of colleges don’t look for that.
You can’t do a lot if they are not inclined. You can do a few things:
- Encourage them to be in the highest level classes (honor, AP) that they can handle in the areas they are interested in. Don't push for a full load of those type of classes if they struggle or just have areas that aren't their best subjects. But do encourage some of those classes in their stronger areas.
- I took both of my kids on ONE college visit sophomore year. It was just to introduce them to the process we would be spending a lot more time on starting junior year. It also acted as incentive for both of them. Both schools were probably matches or low matches for them at the time of the visit. Both told me later that their takeaway was, "Nice... but I think I can do better if I work at it." It helped for them to see what they were working for -- an actual visit to a school where we could talk about the GPA and test scores needed to attend there, needed to earn scholarships there, and to look at various college majors.
- I would attach some privilege to decent grades. By decent, I mean trying to stay above a 3.0 at least. A student over a 3.0 will have college options. Maybe there is some privilege lost if they are below a 3.0, and something gained if they are over a 3.5. But then leave it to them. I wouldn't hound them or nag them about grades. I'd check in to see if they needed and were receptive to tutoring in anything they are struggling with (my kids were just awful at foreign languages -- that is the one subject we got them some tutoring in).
- Overall, love the kid on the couch. Don't let their HS years turn into a never ending struggle about grades or ECs. Offer incentives and disincentives, but don't make it a huge deal in your relationship with them.