I’ve experienced two Top 5 schools and one Hidden Gem school with my kids and I’d recommend the smaller / more boutique BS experience over a Big Top 5 school any day of the week- even for the super smart gifted above average kids, but that’s just my opinion.
That’s not to say that the two kids who did go " Big" had bad experiences- they didn’t but they DID tire of their Heads constantly trying to gaslight parents or prospective families into thinking that they were this big happy family when no one on either campus felt that way. The "Big " school culture actually suited their personalities ( which was totally fine with us ) but the phoniness coming from their Heads in front of their parents or new families was a little hard for them to take sometimes like- Are you talking about us? Let’s not get carried away…
It was especially hard for my husband. You don’t want to sit next to my husband when he isn’t buying what someone is selling. You just don’t. I was dying inside , too - Like- Why pretend? Everyone knows!!! We’re actually OKAY with it… Our kids don’t talk to us about anything at all and we’re completely in the dark about what goes on here ( snort- OMG- just stop! )… We should definitely cut them another check because this is getting good!! What campus are we on? Are we at the wrong school? Is this when they start handing out purple liquid in paper cups?
And I know we weren’t alone in feeling this way … If anything- it felt like a missed opportunity and it was a disappointment. Especially for parents who went to BS themselves and experienced an amazing Head who walked the walk and inspired us every day.
Heads are very important to the overall experience . I cannot stress that enough. Do your due diligence.
@PhotographerMom I know I sound like a broken record, but I’d still love to see the spectacle that would ensue should our husbands ever get stuck in a room together…smh. Thank you for your candidness! And for the comic relief that accompanies it!
Thanks @PhotographerMom for your post. At two of the smaller schools we visited, the Head of School greeted us and spoke to my kid for a few minutes. It made a positive impression - thanks if you’re reading this. Thanks also for making a kid feel welcome and not just an “average kid” among 1500 applicants - thanks for making it a wonderful experience for a kid who (thanks in part to CC) knows how difficult it is to be accepted to BS. A friend’s son attended Millbrook and told us that the Head of School often introduces himself to prospective families during tours - he told our friends to call him in case they had questions. They also met a few teachers during their visit. That was one of the things that sold them on the school. Really impressive and kind. Usually this doesn’t happen at schools until revisits. As I noted above, this will be your child’s home for the next few years. ^:)^
Now for some additional comic relief. Several years ago, a colleague took his daughter to visit some schools on the East Coast. While touring one of the girls schools with stables (either in Maryland or Virginia), an interviewer told him that this was an “exclusive school”. The dad questioned her and asked, “If its exclusive, then who are you excluding?” - Sort of like Deniro “You talking to me?”
@Golfgr8, I didn’t know it was a thing (as the kids say) to not meet the head of school on larger campuses. We’ve been to 6 open houses and have personally talked to the Head at each one. My son even had lunch with one of them. As a school committee member under 3 different superintendents for our LPS, I know how important good leadership is and have been very impressed with almost all of the Heads. Not that the ones that didn’t impress me were bad, I just didn’t hear enough about their vision to judge. I don’t know if this happens on bigger campuses, but I was very impressed with how many Heads knew many students by name and knew details about what they liked, where they were from, what teams they were on, dorms they lived in, etc.
@vwlizard — We didn’t score the VIP treatment 8-} but the BEST person we met at one BS was the most senior custodian (Director of Custodial Services) :-@ We got an earfull from him…really good insights - this guy should be an educational consultant. He had been at the school for 30+ years…we learned more from him than anyone. He gave our kid advice, also, about attending BS (in general). He also gave us some clues about what parents should be asking (thanks!). He also was a great historian about the school and told us stories (positive and fun) about famous graduates. Sometimes it’s more interesting to meet the behind-the-scenes staff at the school.
Based on what limited experience I have, it seems like the class is made of all types of personalities in even the most highly rated schools. So…“high achiever” in what ever any one is measuring is not the one and only desirable thing. Having desirable character traits matters!
Good luck to you and your son…As important as it is that how the schools view the kids…equally important is how you feel about the school you have visited. At the end of the day, what matters is if he is in an environment that can bring out the best in him…and provide him opportunities.
It should be its own thread!! Good advice from a wise man who has “seen it all”. Don’t want to take thread off-topic so . I want to keep the comments in line with this current thread. This wise and articulate man walked with us on campus and answered our questions. How his insights do relate to this thread included the following: There are your “average kids” - age appropriate kids in this reference - who may be typical 14 year olds just going to live away from home for the first time. He did tell us about the creativity he sees in students — yes, also creativity that gets them into trouble. The custodian has seen it all! It’s not just about grades, its also about how your child will cope in new, often stressful, situations. So maybe your student seems “average” on paper, but their social skills and coping abilities are very strong. There is great variability in how they cope with independence and less supervision than previously experienced in their lives. Some have had a lot of experience away from home, others have no experience away from parents. He told us to really understand your kid’s coping style - how do they cope with loneliness, fear of failure, stress, peer pressure, etc…typical kid gets in trouble at some point, makes a mistake at some point. Let them know that’s normal — and discuss ahead of going to school how they plan on coping with making mistakes, or a bad choice, feeling left out, or being laughed at by others. He also said that the kids with a sense of humor - the kids that can find fun and laugh at themselves - stand out to him in a positive way. FInally, he said kids should make eye contact with the people that work there and you will get to know them as part of the school’s family — even on a bad day, that person in the lunch line or sanding the sidewalk in winter - those friendly faces who say hello to you - they will mean a lot to you…students know who the staff are that they can chat with and who is “real”. Lots of closed eyes at school, too, on his part. He has alumni come back and ask to say hello to him years after.
As someone who considers themselves “average” (athletically, academically etc.) I feel your child has a good chance. If the schools you are applying to are “hidden gems” then he definitely has a good chance and to be honestly I regret not apply to hidden gem schools. For interviews just make sure he stays true to himself and he will definitely have a change of getting in.
Not to hijack your thread, @vwlizard , but this is pretty much along the same lines as your OP, so instead of starting a new thread…I thought I’d ask here…
Speaking of average…Buuznkid2 has been researching BS options in more depth. That, coupled with the grumbling of faculty at the only acceptable HS in town about their complete discontent with the direction of the school is leading me to believe that BS may be the only option once again…so, now I’m bracing myself for round 2. Plus, with all of the questions and activity due to interview/application season…the anxiety has grabbed me a bit.
DS was what we thought to be a great candidate on paper…Top scores, academic awards and accolades at state levels, very proficient in more than one sport, etc etc. I think, thanks to FA need, we were non-plussed with his M10 results. So, I learned a ton from the mistakes made at the first go-round…however, buuznkid2 is pretty much the opposite. Although bright and a straight A student at a GT school, that is pretty much the extent of the resume. No ECs or sports excelled at, no leadership roles or awards…no hook, except URM. In a word…average. And I don’t think there’s anything to try and get started at this point that she will excel in (eeek…is that horrible for me to say?).
So…based on this…is it really ok to be average? I mean REALLY average.
I’m not a parent so I may not be that helpful in trying to ease your worries, but hopefully this may be some sort of consolation to you. When I applied to boarding schools, many being what most would consider “top tier schools” ie top 15-20 (applied to 6, accepted at 3, waitlisted at 3) I was totally “average”. I had straight A’s and B’s, wasn’t a recruit or varsity level athlete, didn’t have any huge awards or leader ship roles, wasn’t a URM or legacy, etc. My only “hook” was that I am from the West Coast, which could possibly affect admission at some schools and not others. And yet, even through all of this, the schools that admitted me saw something in me. Since coming to boarding school, I have blossomed so much as a person, student, and athlete. I have tried many new sorts and arts courses that I would have never tried back home. Basically, what I am trying to say is that it’s perfectly fine to be “average”. Student get admitted to schools all the time without a hook. Take a deep breath and try to remind yourself that everything is going to work out in the end.
@cababe97 - I have to tell you you are wrong…because you did wonders to ease my worries! Especially that you are not a parent…I truly appreciate your candor and encouragement. Thank you!!!
@cababe97 - Sounds like you had a very good experience applying to BS last year, and it’s fantastic that you are enjoying school. Did you need FA? That is a huge issue. My guess is that at the “typical” top boarding school - with roughly 25-35% of the class receiving financial aid - asking for financial aid will decrease an applicant’s chances for acceptance by at least 75% from whatever they would be otherwise. The schools never provide information about the relative numbers of FA vs. FP applicants, but you don’t need to make many unreasonable assumptions to arrive at those odds (that is, FP being at least 4x “easier” to gain admission versus FA).
@RuralAmerica I don’t think it matters too much. Kid1 will be applying to college when she’s applying to BS. Ha! Something to look forward to—as if one at a time wasn’t bad enough! @-)
But she’s already looking at some west coast schools, so I think we are pretty open!
Perhaps they exclude all the boys.