Ivy League Universities Ranked PHONETICALLY

Colleges & Universities A-Z Princeton University
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<p>[This is one of my favorite threads. It was originally posted a couple years ago by “JazzyJeff” and always brings a smile to my face. Discuss.]</p>

<p>Okay, let’s forget about educational quality, graduation rates, student happiness, suicide rates, alumni giving and US News rankings. Instead, let’s focus on what’s really important. For the rest of your life, people will ask you where you went to college. </p>

<p>What sounds best as your response? I don’t mean what’s most impressive from the standpoint of prestige. There are enough other threads on this board about that unimportant stuff. Instead, I mean what SOUNDS best? What is going to be pleasant coming out of your mouth? You’re going to be saying this word a lot for a long, long time. It should at least sound good. </p>

<p>Here are the eight Ivy League colleges ranked phonetically.</p>

<li> BROWN</li>
</ol>

<p>I’m sorry. The short, blunt sound. The soft “br” consonant and the round “ow” diphthong vowel. This is the clear loser in the Ivy League. “Brown” is also hurt by the fact that it’s a color – the fact that the color is an unattractive one – the fact that the unattractive color is associated with a personal human function. I mean, if the school in Providence were called “Aqua” or “Chartreuse,” that would be awesome. But “Brown” just doesn’t cut it.</p>

<li> PENN</li>
</ol>

<p>From a phonetic standpoint, all the one-syllable schools are at a disadvantage. Just too curt. Brusque. If you weren’t paying attention, you’d miss them entirely. “Penn” ranks above “Brown” because it’s not a color, but it’s still hurt by the fact that it’s a word. And a pedestrian word at that. Any word for an object that people don’t really mind losing does not connote value. The folks in West Philadelphia have long complained about the confusion with Penn State. I say it’s time for an upgrade. Let’s go for two syllables. Why not aim for the top? Rename it “Porsche.”</p>

<li> YALE</li>
</ol>

<p>By far the best of the one-syllable names by virtue of the fact that it’s not also a word. But starting off with a “y” is not as sharp as, you know, a real consonant. “Yale” almost sounds like half of a name. Now “Vail” or “Shale” would sound cool. Even “Bail” has a certain positive tough guy sound. Sadly, “Yale” doesn’t get there.</p>

<li> COLUMBIA</li>
</ol>

<p>A huge step up from the one-syllable names but “Columbia” almost goes too far. It’s so long that it almost sounds like a sentence. How about this exchange? “What did you do last night, Bob?” “Columbia.” “I see.” But it does have a certain flowing, almost mellifluous quality. Like I said, “Columbia” draws the dividing line between the bad Ivy names and the good Ivy names, and it’s on the good side of the line. </p>

<li> CORNELL</li>
</ol>

<p>Now you’re starting to get to the high rent district. The two-syllable names are long enough to have a personality but still short enough to be strong and powerful. But “Corn” is a weak way to start off the name. Again, a bit too pedestrian. Suggests “Soybean” or “Wheat.” Neither of these two would be a good name for a university.</p>

<li> HARVARD</li>
</ol>

<p>Some people consider HYP to be the Big Three, and therefore Harvard is a two-time winner. It’s also in the Phonetic Big Three. The “v” is a unique, clearly identifying consonant. However, like the round “ow” sound in “Brown,” “Harvard” is hurt a bit by the round “ar” vowel. Not just once, but twice. And don’t even get me started about pronouncing it with a Boston accent. But still no apologies for “Harvard.” A distinctive, strong sounding name.</p>

<li> DARTMOUTH</li>
</ol>

<p>Extremely difficult to differentiate among the Phonetic Big Three. The “D” is an excellent, sharp consonant to start off with. The “t” is also a superb ending consonant. Very resonant. Trails off after that, though, to the slightly weaker “mouth” at the end. Not a great sound, especially the way it’s pronounced “meth” in this context. But overall, ranks right up there.</p>

<li> PRINCETON</li>
</ol>

<p>Ladies and gentlemen, your winner. A very close call over “Dartmouth” and “Harvard.” But gets the nod due to the strong starting “Pr” consonant package and because “ton” is the sharpest and best of all the two syllable names’ second halves. Bonus points because “Prince,” like its namesake, simply sounds regal. There’s a reason “The Princeton Review” is not called “The Brown Review.” Crisp, clean and refreshing, “Princeton” has it all.</p>

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<p>Haha I remember this... good stuff!</p>

<p>
[quote]
It’s so long that it almost sounds like a sentence. How about this exchange? “What did you do last night, Bob?” “Columbia.” “I see.”

[/quote]

I LOVE that.</p>

<p>Hm it seems like he forgot about the "ar" sound in Dartmouth that he wasn't too fond of in Harvard.</p>

<p>But I agree with Princeton being #1.</p>

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<p>I would have ranked Yale and Columbia higher, at least in the top 5.<br>
The end of Dartmouth is too ambiguous (Is it "-meth"? or "-muth"? or "-mith" or even "-moth"?). Harvard too has a problem with the 2nd syllable. It usually ends up sounding like Harvurd. Darthmouth and Harvard do get points for aesthetics, though.</p>

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<p>Cornell should rank lower, it sounds rubbish.</p>