In our family my brother took the vast majority of my dad’s jewelry other than what he gave to my H. When my brother passes it will go to his son.
Because my parents died within such a short timeframe of each other, we were easily able to “even out” the value of who got what.
I think jewelry should go to whomever the owner chooses, IF that person is the initial owner. If the family has a “history” of what happens, then I supposed the current owner should follow the tradition, at least for the jewelry that came via that tradition.
I have almost all of the jewelry my mom and one of her sisters owned. None of it is worth a lot, and most of it I will never wear. (I do wear a couple of things, and they make me think of my mom and aunt when I do). I have 2 sons, and I suppose if they want any of the stones to reset, they could have them. I won’t offer any to GFs, but if they are getting married, or once they are married, I will likely offer their wives whatever they want from my “I won’t wear this” pile. I have already offered their jewelry to their siblings.
I have small diamond earrings my ex-husband got me. I haven’t worn them in well over 10 years. If one of my sons marries his current GF, I’ve thought of giving them to her as they are getting married or soon after. Other son’s GF does not like jewelry. I also have my ex-engagement ring, and not sure if I’ll ever do anything with it.
My grandmother had two sons and a daughter, the jewelry went to her daughter. Her daughter had two sons, only one had a daughter. My dad had two daughters, and four granddaughters. I think with family jewelry that gets handed down, giving it to just the daughters skips a lot of family members who might want to wear something from a relative.
I totally agree! So glad you did this and the pieces are now used again and loved and out of a jewelry box!
I am a +1 to the jewelry goods going to whoever the owner wants them to go to. Male, female, family, friend or whatever. Probably the majority of people (not all, majority - over 50%) will choose for them to go to females - but the choice is theirs. I hate that we keep gender standards in place for things like this - I’ll bet many a daughter would love to have a watch or cufflink of their father’s to use in some way! What are we going to do - give the females the diamonds and give the males the power tools?!
My mom is almost 88 and gave me her diamond wedding ring a year or two ago. I am one of two daughters, one of 4 children. It is not to my taste and I would consider restyling it but not while she is alive. I sort of felt when she gave it to me my job at that point was “safe keeping” of the ring - and that I do. She has some other gold pieces that she brought with her to the States when she married my dad. I know my daughters love them. Some pieces probably have $ value, some have tremendous sentimental value. To me, the latter is more important than the former. These pieces tell a story.
My husband’s mother died when he was 11 from cancer. She left her diamond wedding ring to my husband, and her band to my BIL. The wedding ring has been on my finger for 42 years! On our 10th anniversary, my husband offered to have it upgraded, but I felt the need to keep it as is. At the age of 22, my ring was larger than what my friends could afford, so I was happy. My BIL never married, so the band is still sitting in the safety deposit box, where it has been for 53 years. My SIL has mentioned a couple of times that she would wear her mom’s ring, but has never really asked her brother for it. They are very close and it bother’s me that the ring is just sitting there; but that is for my SIL to deal with. There are also 5 great GD, so someone could have the ring and might wear it.
When my dad died 2 year ago, I asked mom if I could have his sapphire ring. He always wore it and it was a part of him. I wear it when I go out on the weekends; it keeps him in my heart.
Mom has a lot of good jewelry which she keeps talking about who gets what. She starts a list and then changes it. Her sister and I are very close and have discuss the possibility of having to sell some of it if mom runs short of money. There is a pair or earrings my aunt borrows all the time; while mom wants me to have them, I told her they needed to go to her sister. If I ever want to wear them, I know where to find them! My brother will not have any need for her jewelry; he has 2 daughters and 2 GD which mom will leave a little something for even though they have a strained relationship. My daughter has eyes on mom’s wedding ring, the big ticket item! My aunt and I both have say we don’t want the huge diamond ring, so if it doesn’t need to be sold, my daughter can have it. If mom never finishes her list, my aunt and I will decide which pieces go to which grand and great grand daughters.
When my mother was in assisted living and knew she wouldn’t be wearing her jewelry anymore, she laid it all out and my sister and I divided it up between us with my mother there. I, the elder, got first pick. I chose an art deco ring from the 1930’s for it’s beauty and sentimental value and I wear it often. Since I would never sell my mother’s jewelry, it didn’t matter which piece was more valuable than another.
My MIL came over 1 day with her jewelry box. My SIL and I were her 2 “daughters”. No girl grandchildren. SIL had no interest in wearing jewelry.
She pulled out everything that was similar (style and value). So 2 diamond rings, for example. Which did I want? The other was for SIL. I got her to tell me the stories of how she acquired them. It was a great afternoon. And there were pieces that I wear now and think of her and her stories.
I am very much in favor of making "assignments " an event. It allows a sentiment to be passed along with the item.
I love that she told you all the stories behind the pieces, what a smart thing you did there, and sweet stories to remember.
I, too, like to see the items specified by the giver, as long as there is not some weird relationship drama going on, that relieves the executor of the intensity of potentially starting any drama. My Dad had a ring that he wore every day for 60+ years, we requested he tell us who would get it! It is very meaningful. Sentiment is more powerful than money, in some situations.
I mentioned before that we are taking turns with Dad’s wedding band and I, too, (like @conmama) have his hands and when I glance down and see his ring on ‘his’ hands, it touches me deeply.
Our family does not have a lot of valuable jewelry. My parents recently passed and so I have my mom’s wedding set which is lovely and I am not sure what to do with it. The rings are a little too big for me, unless I wear a smaller band on top.
My maternal grandfather worked for a company that rewarded its (blue collar) workers with things like tie tacks and pin with tiny diamond chips in them. I do not have fond memories of this relative, so I am thinking I might take them to a jeweler and see if they can be made into anything or what he would buy them for.
My dad had bought some fine jewelry for my mom over the years but he had, let’s say, questionable taste. They are not things I would wear but I am reluctant to sell them.
I have an aunt that had one of her more fuddy duddy “nice” pieces refashioned for me. It’s not a cheap proposition, though.
When we got married, my father gave H a treasured pocket watch; when S turned 21, we gave that pocket watch to him. I felt really good about that as I know my father would have been thrilled to know my S was the next family member to receive it.
When my MIL died, my BIL took everything, for safekeeping. About ten years post her passing, I had H ask BIL for their mom’s engagement ring which we had reset with the center stone placed into a ring for me. I rarely wear the ring these days - my fingers have expanded along with my waistline! Regardless, someday it will be D’s; I’d prefer she had it, to keep it in the family, rather than S’s future wife/partner who might abscond with it, LOL!
I spent some time with my mom taking pictures of her jewelry and putting people’s names next to them. Most of them are going to female blood relatives. My mother has a 3 carat diamond that my sister wants, but my mother is giving it to me (I am sure it will be a source of contention later). My mother is giving my sister another diamond ring and earrings instead. I have 2 girls and my sister has 1 girl, so I am sure my sister is going to feel it is unfair about that too.
As far as my own jewelry, most of my rings will go to D2 because she has the same ring size as me, and D1 will get the bracelets and necklaces. I have purposely bought 2s of same thing so D1 and D1 could each have one.
At the end of day, jewelry are not worth that much, they are more for sentimental value.
I only have one D but someday may get a DIL. Most of my jewelry lives in a safety deposit box and I rarely wear them. Nearly all were bought by H on trips he went on without me.
My mom has a safety deposit box crammed with jewelry and has never worn 95% of it. Much of it were items my dad impulsively bought at auctions or are gaudy pieces given by dad’s wealthy client who has very different taste from any of us. I suspect nothing is the size of most of our fingers and the necklaces are nothing most of us would ever wear.
There are 4 girls and 3 boys in my family plus most of us have children. We may have an event where we all take turns choosing with mom present (she’s never been fond of jewelry).
We were waiting for everyone to be fully vaxed & all adults and 12 and older are now. Honestly I don’t much care.
This is fabulous, my mother has decided that I get all the jewelry to give out. I will try to convince her in the future to do this
My mom and MIL had no jewelry. My only pieces of any value are the tiny diamond studs, platinum ring, and the heart necklace my husband gave me at some points. They are solidly attached to my body, and I think I might die this way. I just hope someone takes them off and gives to the kids before my body gets cremated, because diamonds do burn.
I do have my grandmother’s engagement ring which my grandfather had reset when I asked him for it. I also have the original setting. Neither can I wear.
I think my mother has the plastic lobster screw on earrings which my grandmother always wore to the beach because a lady needed earrings. And some lovely necklaces with beads that snapped together.
Most of the jewelry is along the lines of the lobster earrings, not the diamond ring. I do have the lovely foxes that ‘bite’ the tail of the next fox, so you can wear them as a lovely fox stole.
We are waiting for Antiques Road Show to come to town to value our treasures
Agree that it is not inexpensive, but I weighed the joy I take in wearing something of a sentimental value fully refashioned as a modern look.
For those who have rings or brooches with stones, you can have the stones removed and mounted in a basket or bezel set, and then displayed on a chain. Of course, this is how I ended up buying new chains, and gold prices are high.
Charm bracelets can be taken apart with a single charm or two distributed to each daughter/granddaughter/niece, so that each woman shares in the remembrance. Those old charms are beautiful and look stunning hanging on a thin necklace.
A side note: I am not a jewelry person and if I think about it I will have very little to pass on - really just my engagement /wedding ring.
So this task of bequests will not be much of an issue for passing on my own things!
This is amazing! Also what @oldfort about taking pictures of the jewelry and assigning the names, but even putting the stories with the pictures would be so great.
I remember a few years ago my daughters wanting to look at my jewelry. I had some of it in some bags and we just dumped it out on my bed and I told them the origins of some of it, but both what you @gardenstategal and @oldfort have said made me realize there is so much more there and I need to do a better job, especially with the pieces that were from both of my grandmothers so that the stories are not forgotten. I should categorize the items too. Some old pieces don’t fit me, but my daughters are very petite and might fit them if they ever wanted those older pieces. Your posts have brought up such nice memories of my grandmothers who have been gone for 10 years and almost 40 years. Wow!
I have lost 2 pieces of jewelry that my first husband gave me that have really upset me. I know my current husband doesn’t quite get it. One piece I got on our honeymoon that had a matching bracelet which I still have and not as bothered by it, but when our son was born I he bought me a pair of diamond studs. When our twins were born we upgraded them. I know they weren’t lost, but actually stolen from my house under this husband’s watch. But I don’t fault him because I never should’ve left them sitting out, but it was a lesson learned that when you know you’re having someone in your bedroom, keep an eye on them, which he didn’t! Anyway, the earrings are obviously replaceable, and there’s nothing “unique” about a pair of diamond studs as they’re just things, but it was the meaning of them to me. Not that they were from my ex husband but the meaning of giving birth and having my kids. Something that still bothers me. The necklace doesn’t at all bother me. So aggravating. I’ve never replaced them either. My mom gave me a smaller set she had since she has a larger set, and I should just ask her about upgrading those but just never get around to it. I guess something just feels like it’s not the same as odd as that sounds. 
I do see all around me and in groups that traditions are changing and so I assume by the time any of my kids ever get married, things will be completely different and we will just have to keep an open mind so who knows what will be with all the jewelry, etc. These kids are so casual these days, none of them may even want any of it.