<p>After many years of marraige I learned to accept that people do not change…so once again I will remove myself from this thread…it is a shame that people do not realize that they only hurt their children by not being more open minded and accepting. </p>
<p>Read the post about assimilation, wearing a jewish star and doing the birth right Israel trip. There is alot of ugliness in there.</p>
<p>Again, Here is the question on the table, from the OP:</p>
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Who can respond to her question?</p>
<p>Personally for my D, it is probably the least important factor to consider, if it is to be considered at all. But I don’t know if anyone can answer the question for the OP. Think they need to discuss it within the family and consider the pros/cons/importance of the issue for themselves.</p>
<p>My hunch is that a school in a city with a large Jewish population would have a student body more familiar with Jews and Judaism and less likely to see your daughter as unusual.</p>
<p>I went to medical school in Charlottesville. Although the undergrad population was big enough to sustain a Hillel, and there is one synagogue in town, there were very few Jews in my class and several classmates who had never met a Jew. </p>
<p>The Jews DID find each other, and did feel a connection to one another, even those who were completely non-religious. We all shared a bit of a fish-out-of-water feeling that drew us together. It got a bit tiresome explaining ourselves, and having people tell us they thought being Jewish was “so interesting.” Sure, they meant well, but we weren’t used to being fascinating or having to, basically, “represent” all the time.</p>
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<p>levirm, I thought this was very well-said. I know it angers some people because it makes them feel excluded. But it is what it is.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for you pain mamma-three. Your in-laws were wrong and there is simply no excuse for the way they treated you. I would not have tolerated that from my parents. I assure you that your experience is not intrinsic to Judaism itself, but to your particular in-laws and perhaps their generation. </p>
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<p>It’s stronger than that. I don’t know if this can be easily explained, but I’ll try. Even for those of us who can’t define it, there is a certain compelling drive to continue our tradition. This drive is often something that feels greater than ourselves. I can’t stress that enough. It is easy to think that “Our tradition is the gift of the generations and who am I to throw it all away”. Things Jews call mitvot, which is often translated into commandments, would probably be better translated into “obligations”. Obligation is the most central part of Judaism - much more so than faith. Even the most assimilated Jew often fasts on Yom Kippur. Imagine the guilt that comes with the knowledge that despite practices that have lasted 2500 years through all kinds of persecution, the practice of Judaism in your line ends with you. It’s a lot of pressure and a lot of guilt. It’s that simple. It in no way excuses the behavior experienced by momma-three, but perhaps it sheds some light. Again, I am so sorry for the pain you experienced, but I assure you that Jewish practice is not supposed to condone the way you were treated. </p>
<p>The first and second generation Americans did not necessarily do a great job of making the case to their children of why they should continue to be practicing Jews. Unlike the days in Europe where the whole community was Jewish and the Judaism of one’s offspring could taken for granted, it’s difficult to preserve around so much freedom and emancipation. They simply didn’t know how. They often took it for granted that their kids would embrace the practices and didn’t spend enough time teaching them in a positive way why Judaism should be compelling and why it is such a gift. There is so much that is positive in Judaism that a parent often feels a responsibility to pass it on even if they don’t know how to. </p>
<p>I believe that only in the last 20 years or so have non-orthodox American Jews begun to figure out how to make practicing Judaism a positive experience so that kids actually want to practice. During a large part of the latter part of the 20th century, many Jewish families did not find any meaning in preserving the tradition. Much of Israel struggles with the same question today. It’s not so easy to find the sweetness buried under so many layers, but it is definitely there. I think that my generation is learning how to preserve our tradition in a way that does not panic about the prospect of a mixed marriage. Hopefully, mamma-three’s experience does not occur as often nowadays. </p>
<p>The thing that many people are missing in this discussion is that Judaism must be practiced in a community setting. It’s simply the nature of Jewish practice. Unlike Christianity, Judaism is not as much about “faith” as it is about practice. There is a concern about living in a place where the Jewish community is too small to be functioning. This is not about racism, or about isolation, but merely about finding other like-minded individuals to share the practice of Judaism with.</p>
<p>Since, as the joke goes, if you have two Jews, you have three opinions (and at least a dozen jokes), it takes a fairly good sized community to have enough diversity of practice to find a comfortable group of Jews to practice Judaism with. I think this is the root of the OP’s concern and I hope that with my explanation she will be shown the respect and courtesy that she deserves.</p>
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<p>■■■■■!!!</p>
<p>Classic Rocker Dad: Thanks for putting into words what I didn’t have time to fully verbalize.<br>
For the OP: I think it is important to have a Jewish community on campus so that if your daughter does decide to discover her Judaism she’ll have an outlet and a place to ask questions and get proper answers. I also think that it is important to have a decent Jewish community at the school or in the area. My mother told me about going to chiropractic school in a town where most people had never met a Jew and where numerous people asked her where her horns were because they couldn’t see them. Moving away to college already brings new experiences and new obstacles, an obstacle like that should not be included. Look for a campus where diversity is accepted and the resources are there if your daughter wants them.</p>
<p>ClassicRockerDad, well-said.</p>
<p>Whether you’re asking about Jews or Hindus or Greeks or Republicans or Evangelicals, “Will there be enough people like me?” is a different question from “Will there be too many people who are other?”</p>
<p>The second question could be malicious; the first is not. And it’s the first question that Artfulmom is asking. And it’s the first question that non-Jews ask all the time on the Brandeis thread, without the posters there getting all knotted up about it.</p>
<p>And I agree with what’s been said before: it can be tiresome to be the only Jew around.</p>
<p>appreciate classicrockerdad’s balanced and thoughtful post.</p>
<p>I cannot tell who’s a Jew but I do have respect for many of them, orthodox Jews in particular. Sometimes I wonder if their success has something to do with their practicing the religion.</p>
<p>thank you classicrockerdad; great post…</p>
<p>for those who feel this is an anti-Christian issue, there is also someone on the Muhlenberg board asking about the availability of Muslim students and activities on campus…and there are students currently running a thread on the African-American student board asking the same thing…</p>
<p>not sure why this is any different…I perceive from my limited knowledge that practicing Islam has a similar “communal” element to it…</p>
<p>All religions have a communal element to them.</p>
<p>So, then, do Christian students gather for weekly traditions on campus? I am not attempting to challenge you on this but…
I do not recall that from my college education at three different schools…I would like to be educated if your post is true…</p>
<p>I am currently a college freshman. I came from a small town with a tiny Jewish community, yet I feel extremely connected to my religion and heritage. Because all but one of my friends were Christian, I’ve always been incredibly tolerant of other religions. I don’t see “pride in one’s religion/heritage” and “open to new ideas and beliefs” as mutually exclusive at all. It’s fine to identify strongly with one faith, or seek others of that faith, or want to pass it on to your children. </p>
<p>I go to school in a large city with a sizeable Jewish community, yet not much Jewish presence on campus. This has been both a blessing and a curse. It’s hard for me to find other Jewish students, yet once we do find each other, there’s a strong bond that can’t really be explained. Sometimes we take the city bus to a local synagogue which has been very welcoming to us. Many of my friends here have never met Jewish youth before, or have the stereotypical image of all Jewish girls as JAPs. Educating others about my faith has been an overwhelmingly positive experience–because only through understanding can come peace and cooperation.</p>
<p>Granted, there have been moments when I wished there was a larger and more active Jewish community on campus, just because I miss the familiarity of the community at home. Keep in mind, though, that this is coming from someone who was EXTREMELY active in the Jewish community before going to college.</p>
<p>I think overall, college students tend to stray from their faith a little, but come back when they have children and seek out communities of their own, in suburbs etc.</p>
<p>To the poster above me, my school is a top-20 school with no religious affiliation whatsoever. Groups of all types of students–Muslim, Hindu, Christian, Jewish, etc.–are active on campus and have weekly meetings. My school is also in the top 5 for race/class interaction. Choosing to spend one night a week with students who share your faith does not mean you’re self-segregating or being exclusive, it’s just a positive venue to talk about some of the “deeper” stuff that may not come up the other 6 nights of the week.</p>
<p>college316: totally agree and great post!!!..exactly why the OP’s concern and questions should be addressed and not attacked…every person in the groups you have mentioned would inevitably want others that they could “share their faith” with…</p>
<p>someone above mentioned the concept of “critical mass”…that 's the key, IMO…if you have a critical mass (and for each person that is different), that should be the “gold standard”…</p>
<p>Rodney…Christians meet weekly during services and some attend services daily.</p>
<p>I find the description of “Christians” as a single monolithic group highly amusing.</p>
<p>very amusing</p>
<p>I agree, Arbiter, but the fact is that a lot of non-Christians don’t realize just how varied Christianity is–that there’s a lot more than the difference between Catholic and Protestant. On one hand, it’s surprising given the amount of blood that’s been shed over the differences. But on the other hand, why would non-Christians know more about these differences than non-Muslims know about divisions in Islam, or non-Jews know about divisions within Judaism, or…?</p>