sigh…my bright D21 is struggling with procrastination & motivation. She has a very rigorous schedule: 3 APs (science, calc & lang) + honors foreign language & regular history. Will be lucky to eek out a 3.3 uw — bringing her overall uw GPA to 3.5. She has solid SAT (1500+).
She has given up hopes of many top colleges, but still reaching for BU & Villanova (though I’m not sure they are worth it as we are full pay - but that’s another discussion!). Looking at “likelies” with hopes of admission to an Honors College (merit??).
Any recommendations on course selection for Senior year? Does it make sense to continue AP track? Or should she lighten load in hopes of better grades?
Any advice on course selection, overcoming issues and college recommendations is welcome!
What does the guidance counselor say?
And most important- what does your D say? Is she happily challenged in the tougher classes, or is she overwhelmed and anxious? Does she love the buzz of being with the most ambitious kids or is it drowning her?
And is this the first time the procrastination and motivation have become a problem? Start there. She won’t last long at ANY college if she’s struggling to knuckle down and do her work…
What subject does she love and what would she happily give up? That will help you guide her towards the right schedule senior year.
Congrats on her rigor of schedule and test scores, that’s great and to be celebrated.
AP Calc and AP science are tough. There is alot of growth jr year and lots of time to still see study skills develop and mastery of subjects.
Course selection- depends on whether current teachers recommend for more APs, which may depend on midterms and Q2. Also depends on how much time spent on ECs, goals for sr year. College app process is like a part time job, especially if you haven’t pencilled in visits to colleges on your calendar.
Are issues with daily hw and assignments? Or trouble with assessments? What do teachers recommend?
Tutor can help address if student is willing.
Consider whether it is possible your disappointment contributes to procrastination and motivation- if her efforts are never good enough, why bother? Fears disappointing you? Time for parent to tread lightly. Offer support, but student has to see consequences of not taking action on their own.
Consider, what ECs does student have to enjoy, develop confidence, stand on own without parental input or coaching? Job? Volunteering? There is still a lot of maturing that goes on between now and til end of college applications in winter of senior year.
Many fine colleges will offer substansial scholarships for stats 3.5 /1500 - see Alabama, Arizona State, maybe run net price calculators for UDelaware, Pitt, Temple, see if scholarships are included.
What is state of residence?
See public liberal arts colleges like St Mary’s College of Maryland, College of Charleston, New College of Florida.
What about Duquesne, Providence, Drexel, Holy Cross, Univ. of Dallas, Fordham? Could your D21 be possible Natl Merit Semifinalist?
There may be great opportunities in your region, many pre-professional tracks at smaller colleges if interested in nursing, physical therapy, accounting, IT/cybersecurity.
Thank you both for your thoughtful replies. Bottom line: I’m getting ahead of myself worrying about course selection. The immediate issue of motivation and study skills is the real issue. Hopefully we can figure this out now so she can thrive in college and beyond.
@blossom she definitely enjoys the ”buzz” of being in with the top students, yet feels tremendous pressure. She’s had bouts of procrastination in the past that seem connected to perfectionist tendencies (mainly writers block, wanting assignments to be perfect the first time). But she’s now lost motivation across the board.
@Hippobirdy I’m hopeful that we can see considerable growth this year. We have an older daughter that had her own (different) struggles in Jr year and saw a huge change over the year. Issue is mainly hw, but not keeping up with work is now affecting tests. In the past she’s been able to make up for missing hw, etc and has admitted to a “thrill” of being able to pull off good grades in the end. But now that she’s taking harder classes that’s increasingly more difficult.
There’s definitely a disconnect between perception and reality of “disappointment.” I’ve involved the GC as my DD & I are at an impasse. Hearing loud & clear that I need to “tread lightly.” She has a tutor and seems open to figuring this out.
Appreciate the college suggestions. Some are already on her list and will explore the others when the time is right.
Thanks again!
Sounds like you are doing everything right with getting the GC involved and a tutor.
Very smart to get on top of this now.
In terms of classes, this wouldn’t have been an issue at my D’s schools because students need an unweighted B+ to continue on to the next AP course in the series.
IMO, I would lighten the load for next year. Having some more academic success senior year will help her feel more prepared for college, even if she needs to re-evaluate the types of schools where she will be applying.
How much time is she spending on social media/watching funny cat videos on Youtube during homework time?
I applaud you treading lightly. But if your sense is that a three hour homework session is actually a 20 minute homework session punctuated by her friend’s Instagram shares, retweets, and a lot of “content”, I’d start there. Not to be punitive- maybe have a family “blackout” period from dinner until 10 pm where everyone puts the phones away?
How overloaded is she with non academics this year and is that a source of stress for her?
Talk with the tutor and see what they think. But know her scores are great for her but hear what you are saying.
Read : https://www.calnewport.com/books/straight-a-student/
You can get this used for cheap. But it’s not that expensive. Show it to your tutor to incorporate some of these ideas or see if your daughter will read the book. It’s actually a very fast “fun” read. There is a great section on procrastination!! This is why I bought it for my son. He claims he read it… Lol… The book is just ideas on studying less to get more but more like “how” to study. All those positive reviews couldn’t be wrong. Let your daughter know it’s not to make her a straight A student but it’s to learn strategies that will help her in college and later on life… Many on CC have recommended this book also.
But what both my daughter and son also found out that having too much time can lead to procrastination. Both in college and extremely involved with campus life with certain organizations and responsibilities /work that now they really don’t have time to procrastinate… That I find interesting.
For my daughter, everything has to be written down on her “paper” calendar. She won’t use her phone calendar. Doesn’t like using electronics. Likes writing it down. Says it helps her more… Hopefully your daughter can find strategies that work for her.
HW can take a long time, but she claims it’s not about distraction. More staring at the assignment and feeling “stuck.” She certainly enjoys her share of internet stupidity though! Will try to get a better gauge.
Her schedule is jam-packed. There was a time when she thought she was more productive with the busy schedule. May need to revisit — though hate the idea of taking away her sport. She’s a varsity athlete in a year round sport and spends 2 hours after school at practice. It can be stressful, has its ups & downs. But she loves the intense workouts and we can see it improves her mood.
@Cof22mom Junior year can be very complicated and stressful - you and your daughter are not alone!
First, I agree with @blossom Make sure there is time blocked off at home when the phone is powered off. If she needs her computer to do homework, as many kids do these days, maybe make homework time happen in a more public area of the house?
A lot of intellectually gifted kids are prone to procrastination-driven perfectionism. This does get harder to pull off as the workload intensifies and the standards become higher. I don’t have specific strategies but a tutor or teacher might.
Sometimes learning disabilities related to processing speed don’t show up until HS because the kid is smart enough to compensate. I am not one to rush to testing, but you might consider a workup to see if there is anything of that nature going on?
Have her eyes been checked recently?
Finally, for many teenagers, the prospect of college (and leaving home) can be more intimidating than liberating. Maybe she is feeling some anxiety about the future and that could be affecting how she is approaching her studies.
As for honors programs, best place to start is your better ranked public colleges and universities in-state. There are several options in the western and southern states. For example, Arizona State has a highly ranked Honors College. She would probably get merit there, especially is she is in line to qualify for NMSF. The state of Florida also offers generous merit for NMF scholars. I see U of Central Florida and its Honors Program mentioned a lot here.
I wish your daughter the best of luck as she moves forward. I am sure she won’t lack for options.
Throwing an idea out of left field – because I’ve just started doing it 
She could try a guided meditation session or two and see how that works. There are tons on youtube for free. I listen to one for motivation and positivity. It is about 10 minutes long. It is relaxing and enjoyable and I feel raring to go after doing it, and that effect seems to last/be most potent for 2 days. Definitely helped me with procrastination!
I knew there was something there when I thought I’d just try meditation, and I thought I’d do it as I was going to bed/falling asleep. I could barely keep my eyes open and figured I’d fall asleep during it due to the relaxation. Nope! By the end, I was WIDE awake, eyes open . . . I realized it was a bad idea to do it at bedtime, but also could see the immediate and sort of dramatic effect!
Anyway, this is a cheap and easy (and fast) thing to try. I would guess she would want to get over the procrastination, would want to do this, for it to work. More expensive and time consuming would be to have her talk to a counselor about the causes of the procrastination (fear of failure, difficulty of subject etc).
Don’t jump on me people but if exercise helps her “moods” and this isn’t a recent thing both adhd and slow brain processing (staring at the paper and having a hard time getting started) jump out to me. Again, if tutor can overcome these with strategies then great. Does she respond to questions at home or in class quickly or does it take her time to answer. Lots of kids with processing issues (have one but almost non existent in college) need to time to think about the question. They, in class are not the ones that like to raise their hand. They need time to think about their options and they hate to be wrong… Taking time can also be a reading comp issue and it goes along with the above or by itself. Some homework takes a lot of time since they need to read slower or double and triple read somethings to understand it.
Does she meet with her teachers on a regular basis to get help in a certain class /subject. I will just say no now… Lol…
@Knowsstuff Thank you for book recommendations - and how to frame it. Will definitely pick it up ASAP! Processing symptoms don’t fit my DD, she has excellent reading comp and actively participates in class (which has helped her stay in good graces with teachers who may cut her too much slack). But you’re right that she doesn’t meet with teachers outside of class. She knows this needs to change too.
I’ve been wondering about ADHD…friend of older daughter was just diagnosed in soph year of college and procrastination is major issue for her. My DD can get hyper-focused (read a book in one sitting, dive into a subject that sparks her curiosity) which made me rule out ADHD — but maybe this is actually a symptom??
Any recommendations on ADHD read for me to check out?
@cinnamon1212 love the guided meditation myself! However school’s strong push for “mindfulness” has really soured many students to the idea. But definitely worth bringing up again.
As soon as I read the first post ADHD came to mind. DD17 was tested and diagnosed with ADHD junior year of high school when her workload increased. Her primary problem was procrastination…
Hyper focus is a symptom of ADHD; my daughter does this too.
She’s now a junior in college. She has been able to manage her ADHD through a combination of planning/coaching techniques, exercise and (reluctantly) meds.
I’ll see if I can find the name of the book I read.
@Cof22mom. Rule Adhd back in. Hyperfocusing is how many of us Adhd people actually get stuff done! ?. I can’t sit and read the paper if it’s not something I am interested in but I can hyperfocus and read medical /scientific/tech stuff all day… A novel for enjoyment… Not me…
Here’s a classic book on Adhd https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1277029.You_Mean_I_m_Not_Lazy_Stupid_or_Crazy_
When I first read this book I thought the person somehow knew me and wrote the book about me. Again a fast read but packed with great information.
When people with Adhd read this book or similar one’s a light sorta goes off and a recognition that it’s not just them. This is when I opened up and was able to change some behavior. Yes like procrastination. It can also be slightly emotional as a realization but in a positive way…
Also exercise helps Adhd people center themselves. When my daughter (sorts borderline) needs to get work done and concentrate. She does Yoga or runs. She says it helps her focus better… Yes the meditation trick seems amazing if it works also. .
Two thoughts:
Make sure she’s getting enough sleep. When DD21 is in her season and work backs up she just drops the hammer and redoubles her efforts, but frequently it doesn’t help all that much and she gets sick and goes to bed for a couple days. Lo and behold the fresh energy and clear eyes make much better progress than the fried head from last week. (Here sister did this as well.)
Does she have any pronounced academic interests yet, or the vestiges of an idea what she wants to study in college? If she won’t ever need Calc or Physics then don’t bother with the unnecessary “prestige” of the hardest classes. (Take APES or AP Psych if you want the glitter of AP without all the heavy lifting. ?) I joke, but only a little: find some leavening in her schedule. My DD21 is loving her “DNA, Forensics & Genetics” class in between all the AP grinding, and it’s keeping her sane.
I would get her evaluated for depression.
@mamaedefamilia mentioned this, but when I was reading OP’s post I wondered whether D is subconsciously scared of leaving the nest, or afraid of the competition of her classmates so she subconsciously chooses not to compete.
Thanks again for all the helpful responses!
ADHD is being ruled out. And I’m not seeing any other signs of depression. Taking her to checkup today and hopefully they will probe mental health as well.
I think @melvin123 is on to something!
We just returned from a few college visits (with a focus on likelies) and she says is feeling motivated!
Hopefully I can report back with good news as the marking period continues. (so far so good : )