Junior in HS venting about the college search

[Tomlinson]

IMHO the school you ultimately choose will have very little impact on your sucess in the future. Yes, this is a generalization and not exactly true but as someone who has hired hundreds of people throughout my career, I can tell you most of this discussion stops after you get your first job after college. What you do with that job and the person you are (work ethic, personality, works well with others, can carry on a real conversation, undertanding situational awareness and whats happening around you) will determine how you do in your next 7-12 jobs.

Even if you go to the same school as someone who didnt work as hard doesnt mean you wont take greater advantage of all that school has to offer (clubs, opportunities, valuable relationships, etc.)

Go to college (any college), try to figure out what kind of person you want to be, challenge yourself, make a few honest mistakes, forgive yourself, become a adult. You got this!

[rishiray.outperform]

I want to jump in on this one as a current college student who has seen SO MANY students continue this EXACT same trend in college breaking themselves to get into graduate school too. So to all the high school students, college students, and their parents out there.

One. Remember the purpose of WHY you are going to college. Or define one on paper, if you haven’t yet. There’s no wrong answers here other than ones that are not about what YOU want for yourself.

Two. Take that purpose. And define the qualities and skills you feel will allow you to excel at that purpose. Write them down, it takes just a moment.

Three. Dedicate your time to doing thing that will DIRECTLY develop these skills and qualities. NOT for a resume that pleases academia. Because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that THIS is the MOST impressive resume of all–one where you did things because you wanted the skills and qualities. And you CAN NEVER FAIL once you have the skills to TAKE ACTION.

I want to give some examples for clarity: You want to be an incredible listener? Work with hospice. You want to be a fantastic coder? Start learning online. You want to be a change-maker? Look for places around you today where you care about change and go for it!

BE THE PERSON, YOU DON’T NEED TO WAIT FOR A SCHOOLING SYSTEM TO GIVE YOU PERMISSION!

THIS is your LIFE, you are not a resume where your worth is defined by the corporate entity that decides they want your tuition money.

And I say this all as someone who spent nearly every waking minute of high school doing the laundry list resume-building and hitting those classic “leadership” “empathy” “research” and “internships” without a breath in between. And now I look back and have discovered what worked and what didn’t. Heck, I even created an entire company build on the intersection of intentionality, individuality, and college admissions because of how much this MATTERS and is not talked about. And anyway, your resume means zero after you graduate, high school, college, graduate school, all zilch. Only your skills and qualities define your achievement for yourself.

[Knowsstuff]

So I agree with most posted and just about every student/family I have helped feels pretty much the same way but… Always a but… You are no better then those slackers and they are no better or worse then you. Many will step up their game in college and might be taking similar classes. People do grow in college in many ways so keep an open mind. We never know the future and you might change your major a few times. It’s very normal. But once you meet with your college counselor they might able to hone down on your interests. If your school has good advisors for college I would speak to them and your teachers now. See what is out there and what your interests are. Nice thing is… You have time… Working hard is a great trait for success. This is who you are. Don’t have to apologize for that. Good luck.

[HereWeGo6]

I think we stress too much about “the perfect school.” My nephew is a senior studying Chemical Engineering at a fairly unknown private school in Indiana (Trine). He’s had a job lined up for after graduation since the beginning of this year.
The degree matters much more than the school, in my opinion.
Do you picture yourself at large Division 1 schools, or a small private school where the professors know your dog’s name?
And if you choose, then realize it was the wrong decision, you can transfer. OR, you can suck it up for a few years, because this is just a blip on your path. It goes by fast, and you have a ton more life to live and big decisions to make.

[Banderx]

I’ve heard the same vent from both my kids. The college application process is stressful, perhaps unnecessarily so. The first thing to realize is that big college is a marketing machine, much like the other “bigs” out there. They want you to “fall in love” with your “ideal school” and make lots of friends and have the “college experience”. Actually, the purpose of college is education. For a very few, education is an end in it’s own right, but for most of us, it leads to a paying career.
You are right that many people cruise through high school and don’t carry your workload. As in life, you don’t know their situation. They may have a talent that will carry them through. Maybe they have a trust fund? Maybe they will marry well. Maybe they have a sporting skill. In any event, if none of those apply to you then you need a paying job.
There is no way to guarantee that you will make more money than your neighboring slacker. But you owe it to yourself to do the best you can for yourself. Just because you both go the same college does not mean you will both have the same outcomes. All that work is like a bank account that is stored away.
(Note about bank accounts - you never know what is in anyone’s account. Ignore the big spenders around you and promise yourself you will save and invest 20% of everything you earn.)
Colleges reject brilliant kids all the time. Colleges are poorly placed to judge your merit and you should not let them. The only thing they are capable of is manipulating statistics in order to rise up or stay at the top of the rankings. Most definitely you should aim as high as you like and your family can comfortably afford, but there is no shame in getting an excellent education from a school that is not high in the rankings.
One final thought on having a family. As a junior it can seem as if your whole life is at your desk. Most of your life will not be like that. Everything difficult has ebbs and flows, busy times and down times. There will be time to live your life, have a family, travel, cook, whatever. Just keep working, do your best (you owe it to yourself) and look for the kernel of sunshine that will appear sometime in senior year.

[Have_faith143]

Yes agree. My coworker’s son went to Cc and then went to a small college in our state that isn’t very well known for its academics but he had a job lined up his senior year and got a top secret security clearance by the time he graduated. So it can work out. Whereas my other colleague had two sons go to Harvard which was amazing but they majored in degrees that are hard to find a job unless you get a PhD to teach in academia.

[JMSC]

I see myself 30 years ago in this post.

You’re smart enough to imagine your future. You want it to be meaningful and you know that what you do with today matters. Congratulations!! Many kids your age are still lost boys living in the pleasures of Neverland. Some of them will never leave.

Step 1: Count your blessings that you dodged that bullet. Say a prayer for the lost.

Step 2: Now that you’ve entered the real world, don’t ask what will be. Instead, ask who you are and what matters to you.

1 - If you were not studying, what would you do with the time? Netflix? Instagram? Shopping? Building deeper relationships? Partying? Working part time? Building/creating something? Would that be more satisfying or less? Why?

2 - Do you see yourself as someone who is open to new ideas and curious about the world? Does complexity ever intrigue you or is it consistently something that you deal with only because you must? Why?

3 - Is there anything about higher education that lights a spark in your heart? Or are you just after the bigger piece of cheese at the end of the more complex maze?

4 - What drives you? What makes you feel alive?

5 - Are you open to the possibility that college matters because, if it actually develops your thinking capacity and your character, it’s likely to upend some of the answers you just gave in 1-4?

Welcome to the world of dangerous questions. Lean in.

The best thing you can do to find your way is to quiet the noise around you, look inward to yourself and outward beyond the maze. Your anxious high-achieving friends may validate your feelings, but if they increase your anxiety, step back. Take time to journal. Read meaningful books over the summer. Make friends with people who read for pleasure. Go for a run and clear your head. Find something you can do to help someone else so that you’re focused on something outside of yourself for some time each week. Get proper sleep. Limit social media (especially this site).

I know all this is easier said than done. The college process today is a maze and it undoubtedly helps to be maze-smart and conscientious about grades. That said, it’s also true that applicants who are maze-smart and nothing else are common and not-particularly-interesting to admissions officers. There’s a reason for that. Maze-smart students are just not interesting to have in class. These students frequently spend four years in college unable to find any part of their work that genuinely drives them, even as they continue to earn good grades. From there, they tend to enter the workforce as entitled mice, certain that they have already put in enough work, expecting their very large piece of cheese. It is extremely difficult to make a meaningful contribution to any work environment with a mindset like this. What’s worse, those who overdevelop their mouse-skills at the expense of their character may find themselves without the ethics, wisdom, compassion and empathy they need to avoid making a fabulous mess of things IRL.

There is a better way, I promise. The people I knew 30 years ago who did best the ones who were vulnerable enough to ask the dangerous questions early and courageous enough to seek their own answers.

The questions may be hard, but you are very bright. Believe in yourself, find silence, prioritize well, seek your own path, find good people for the journey. Good luck!