After some soul searching, I still regret not going to top school I was admitted to because of money. After all I’ve achieved by going with a good affordable alternate, it still hurts me when I see my friends who went there, doing well and enjoying perks of prestige and alumni network.
Okay then … But your plans B and C are also top schools and yet you wouldn’t pay for them if your son got in (unless he were to receive large scholarships, which is a long shot). And you have the money - since you have it for the A schools.
Can you help me understand why you would do to your son the exact same thing that hurts you so much? If you were hurt not going to your top school choice - just think how hurt he would be if he got into one of the Bs or Cs and you refused to pay for it.
As for the alumni network, I’m presuming you are in your forties or fifties. At this stage in the game, it is what you have accomplished in your own career that matters. I suspect you overvalue what an alumni network does.
Is it possible that your regret regarding your decision to not attend a top school is evident to your son which is somehow influencing his need to rank first in the class and a need to perform? I understand feeling regretful regarding a personal decision, but it is important to separate that from your student’s college search. It can place a lot of unnecessary external pressure during a very stressful time in a student’s life.
It sounds like you’re kind of subtly punishing your son - fine, you get to go to a top school only if you win the very tippy-top prizes of HYPS. But otherwise, you can’t have an opportunity I didn’t have.
One would think that since you are now fortunate enough to have the money (and yes I realize it’s a lot), you’d be delighted to give him the opportunity of Duke or Vanderbilt or Middlebury or wherever. I think carolinamom is on to a great insight that your own experience is coloring this.
I don’t understand @WorryHurry411 . YOU regret not being able to attend your number one choice because of money…but what if CMC or Middlebury…becomes your SON’S number one choice…and any of those colleges could because they are all great schools. You are setting your son up for a “sorry, we won’t pay for you” scenerio just like the one you had years ago.
But really…this has precious little to do with his junior year schedule. He should be taking the courses because he wants the challenge. Not because he wants to be class val or sal, or to impress college adcoms.
Hmmm … lots of food for thought. Probably I’ll end up paying for whatever college he picks but let’s see how it goes. He is very frugal himself so he may even opt for UT & paid off apartment to live there by choice if can’t make it to higher ranking privates.
You are still making UT-A sound like some kind of consolation prize. It’s a first class, flagship, research university.
I hope you realize there are TONS of students who would live to attend UT-A who won’t get accepted…including many instate residents.
Will you be OK if he decides to attend UT-A even if he does get into higher ranked schools?
You have to think of a situation where he automatically gets into UT but doesn’t get Plan II, and/oe doesn’t get the major-based honors, or doesn’t even get the major he wanted.
You have to have other schools of equal quality - Tulane would be one, especially if he goes for business.
Most A-B-C schools don’t have business nor engineering but ounre right he can go in undecided and just study whatever he wants.
Note that for the arts, Tish is as prestigious as Harvard, and it may be one of the few colleges within NYU that handles costs strictly on merit. (it’s not worth the cost for other subjects.)
I suspect maybe OP would pay for the best school the son got into, most prestigious of where he’s accepted.
The problem is when the definition of best is left to hearsay or some magazine ranking.
This misses both a large range of excellent colleges (we aren’t talking about settling for average schools) and misses what the tippy tops actually look for.
When a family does care about prestige, they still need to understand the odds are poor. Lots of great kids will apply from Texas. Can’t take 'em all.
If this is really about one of the Texas publics being fine, and just wanting to, WTH, try a couple of long shots, OP could have said that. If it’s just about bragging rights that the kid got into one of the B or C colleges, but the interest isn’t really there, our suggestions are futile. I can’t tell what this is really about, so many different statements have been made.
The theater is good. It won’t tip him in, even with val, if his own interests- and the interest in a particular college- aren’t clear. Many hurdles to get past. High school performance is only a start.
“Hmmm … lots of food for thought. Probably I’ll end up paying for whatever college he picks but let’s see how it goes. He is very frugal himself so he may even opt for UT & paid off apartment to live there by choice if can’t make it to higher ranking privates.”
The problem is still that you’re only looking at top 20 rated privates. I don’t care how smart a student is. That’s a poor strategy. Where is the Carnegie Mellon, Tufts, Brandeis, Reed, etc.
You’ve presumably lived in the US 20 years (if you went to school here and then had your son here). That’s more than enough time to have moved beyond the “Asian immigrant” stereotype that HYPS offer some magic dust not equaled by a whole bunch of other schools, or that no other schools are prestigious. Surely you are aware that few knowledgeable parents on CC hold to that view what is keeping you there?
@thumper1 I’m not saying that UT A isn’t a good school or not a dream destination for thousands. Our local community college is very good and affordable compared to most community colleges and lots of kids get ecstatic if they get in there but that doesn’t make it a dream place for everyone.
@WorryHurry411 What benefits of prestige and networking? I live in a very different part of the country from where I attended college or undergrad. So different in fact, that in my profession, everyone is aware of the handful of us that attended my grad school and I have never met anyone that attended my undergrad in my area. (not saying they aren’t out there, I just haven’t met any) I’m in DFW, and the networking benefits, at least in my field, go to UT, A&M, and SMU alums. Their networks are impressive! And I have yet to meet an alum of any of those schools that regrets attending. Now, if I lived in DC or NYC, it would be very different.
I’ll be completely fine if HE picks UT even if he got into top elite schools.
Thank you for your helpful suggestions.
It’s not about some magazine’s ranking. These schools offer cream of top students as your peers, great faculty, elite alumni and give you an uplift in life, both socially and employment wise. I’m not saying that smart and hard working kids from public schools can’t beat elite school graduates but odds are lower and require more efforts, at least for first decade of their careers.
Having right oppurtunities a good number of equally smart and hard working public school grad can beat elite school grads but odds aren’t that high as one can see from examples. Just look at the percentage of US presidents, state or treasury secretaries, Supreme Court judges etc from state and Ivy schools.
Secondly, Texas grads do great in Texas but Ivy grads are immediately recognized in every part of the country and even globally.
I’m curious. You say you can pay $70,000 a year for your kid to attend college. What social class do you want him to move up to?
And remember, he might not meet his future wife or business associates in college. He could meet them somewhere else along the way…and oh my…they might not be grads of elite schools.
@thumper1 A social class where they don’t have to worry about financing eduction of their children. If I had sent them to private grade schools or elite summer camps etc then we wouldn’t even be able to finance a semester of an Ivy school. I don’t want them to make decisions that I had to. I want them to be able to not think before giving significant charity to change some lives, not worry about travel cost of they want to see some natural wonder in another country. Just things like that.
My opinion…your kids can do all of what you are saying without graduating from an elite college.