<p>I am extremely interested in Smith - I'm convinced it's my dream school. However, my parents insist that an all-women's college just isn't a good idea. They maintain that I'd never learn to function around men, and that the feminist qualities of the school would give me a 'skewed perspective of the world.' I've tried telling them things about the great academics/environment/opportunities, but they refuse to budge. Please help? I'm dying to go to Smith!</p>
<p>PaisleyAtHeart, first off, are you a high school junior? If so, then you have some time to bring them around. Have your parents had an opportunity to talk to the parents of a local Smith alum? Is there a Smith Club where you live? If not, are there any other women’s college clubs nearby or perhaps another women’s college? Do they know any alums from a women’s college? Perhaps they could participate on College Confidential as well (both my daughter and husband have been on CC). It strikes me that they need to hear opinions from a variety of people, not just you.</p>
<p>Another way to approach this is to gather a list of prominent women who are alums from women’s colleges to show your parents how obviously these women are/were able to function quite successfully in the world (where about 50% are men). Most women’s college websites have a list of significant alumnae. I hope these suggestions are helpful. Let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>My D works in a heavily male-dominated profession and does just fine. The confidence and self-assurance she developed at Smith have a lot to do with it. Your parents concern is logical in a way…it just happens to be incorrect. You can’t explain the high achievements of all the womens colleges any other way.</p>
<p>Jyber209 can probably report something similar about her D working in a male-dominated profession.</p>
<p>PaisleyAtHeart, I was not convinced about the merits of women’s colleges until I started going on tours with my daughter. Have your parents visited Smith with you? If not, that could change their minds. I agree that a list of prominent Smithies might help. </p>
<p>As my daughter told her Smith interviewer when asked if she would be bothered by the all-women’s college, “It’s not like I’m moving into a convent!” Smith is the real world. It’s not isolated or constraining or otherwise cut off from the rest of the world. You can take courses at Amherst or UMass or Hampshire – and those students take courses at Smith. You’ll have male professors as well as female ones. What’s different at Smith is the learning atmosphere and the specific opportunities available to you. My daughter actually seems more confident around men than she was when she started (she’s a senior now), and I attribute that to maturity. Yes, she would have gotten there anyway, but the point is that Smith did not hamper this development in any way. </p>
<p>I think many parents, even those who consider themselves forward-thinking, fear deep-down that their daughters will never get married if they attend an all-women’s college. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, but we’re biological beings, after all, and some instincts cannot be easily overcome by intellect. And this is your problem: you are trying to convince them with logical arguments about academics when their objections are more emotional. I suggest that you try to paint a picture of what you expect Smith to do for you after graduation. If they can see the benefits of Smith as a ticket to a fulfilling life, then they may come around. After all, they just want you to be happy.</p>
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Thanks for the invite, TheDad! :)</p>
<p>What he says is very true. My D (an '06 grad) went from Smith to a very heavily male work environment – the research area of an economic consulting firm.</p>
<p>There was only one other woman researcher in her department at the time, and that woman was eventually leaving to go to grad school at Columbia. My D was fine with it, but wanting at least one female colleague, at one point offered to do some recruiting at Smith. Her boss supported her in this, and D contacted the Smith CDO, which sent her resumes of those econ majors graduating that spring ('08). D lined up several strong prospects for interviews. She did initial interviews up at Smith, and recommended one candidate to be brought in for interviews on site. That candidate was eventually offered a job and accepted it. D not only got a female companion at work, but got another member for her regional Smith alum book group, to which they both still belong! :)</p>
<p>But in any event, she had no problem making her way in a heavily male field. She had highly supportive bosses who mentored her well. She was given the opportunity to present at conferences early on, and was told after her first conference by her boss, “I had high expectations of you when I first hired you, but those expectations have only grown greater now.” It was a fabulous first working experience, and now that her firm has had positive outcomes with two Smithies, I suspect any future Smith applicants will be given very serious attention.</p>
<p>I will also mention that while both TheDad and I have D’s who loved Smith and made the most of it in their ways, they are different young women, with varied approaches to academics and life priorities. (This is a compliment to both of them, each of whom I greatly respect, and I am simply making the point that Smith can work well for a variety of “types.”) There are some flowers which will only bloom in very specifc environments, while others will blossom wherever they are planted. I suspect that TheDad’s very driven D would have done well at many academically strong colleges, but I believe that Smith was an ideal environment for my D to become the person she was capable of being. Profs went out of their way to encourage her to develop her strengths and gave her unique opportunities that were meaningful growth experiences. My D was not a natural leader in her (very large, public) high school, but she developed that potential while at Smith.</p>
<p>As for marriage prospects, there is plenty of time for that after college. IMO a woman who has developed herself into someone who is well prepared to lead a fulfilling life (as MWN mentions) is better off, with or without a man in it. (And IMO a “fullfilled” woman is a preferred marriage partner – at least that is what I keep telling my H. ;))</p>
<p>For the record, I hesitated mentioning the marriage issue since it seems very outdated, especially given the current cultural climate; however, I believe it persists subconsciously in many. A parent with an academically gifted daughter would never say that he/she wanted her to go to college to get married and would probably even be appalled if someone suggested it. I think it exists on a subconscious level. How else to explain an outright refusal to send a daughter to an all-women’s college? The only other one I can come up with is an objection to the openly gay campus culture, which may put off some parents, particularly those who find it offensive. </p>
<p>I actually had to deal with the opposite problem when I was applying to colleges. I wanted to go to a mostly male Ivy league school, and my guidance counselor and teachers argued against it, believing that I wouldn’t reach my potential in a male environment. They wanted me to apply to Smith or Wellesley, two schools I outright refused to look at. I attended the Ivy and loved every minute. It was the right school for me, and I knew it. That’s how the decision should be made, once all the financial pieces are taken into consideration: go to the college where you think you’ll thrive. If that takes convincing your parents that Smithies excel in the world, then set about proving your case. </p>
<p>You can add my daughter’s story into the mix: she will be attending a PhD program in neuroscience in the fall. When she was accepted at one program (which she eventually turned down), they told her that they love to accept Smithies because they all arrive prepared to approach science with creativity and intelligence, plus they can write well, something too many scientists cannot do.</p>
<p>Jyber, you’re very kind, but I think even my very driven D would say that Smith optimized her development in ways that she can’t imagine other highly regarded colleges would have. Like your D, mine was not a “leader” in high school but developed so at Smith and continues to do so.</p>
<p>As for presentations, she knew that she’d passed muster when the scheduled presenter kept getting called out of a meeting due to crises involving the health care legislation and instead D was asked to give a presentation on the estate tax to Bill Gates Sr. D had done much of the underlying work, including preparing the slides, and knew it cold.</p>
<p>Her former boss is now a high-level deputy in OMB and had her to lunch at the White House mess last week. Smith giving her a skewed perspective on the world and keeping her from functioning around men? Not bloody likely.</p>
<p>Thanks, all. I’ll be visiting Smith this summer with my mom and dad, and hopefully a campus tour with persuade them that there is more to Smith than liberalism and feminism. And I think you’re all quite right in the aspect that my parents (not so) secretly are worried that I’ll never get married or have children; and I hesitate to mention, but are possibly worried that I’ll ‘turn’ gay. In protection of my parents, they’re both moderately conservative and Catholic (my mother suggested Notre Dame in opposition to Smith), even though I am certainly not. I’m super stoked to look at the campus this summer, and I’m really hoping that it will open THEIR eyes as well. Thanks for the help!</p>
<p>Paisley, I absolutely concur that Smith and Notre Dame are at opposite ends of the spectrum! (I graduated from Smith in 08 and my sister is currently a sophomore at ND.) That said, you don’t have to be conservative to be a student at ND (my sister’s not, but it probably helps that we grew up in conservative central PA), and you don’t have to be a flaming liberal to be a student at Smith. I hope that taking them to visit Smith helps - my dad, after the whole family accompanied me to Open Campus, was absolutely sold on Smith after hearing all the positive things said by current students.</p>
<p>PaisleyatHeart - If you visit on the weekend, take your parents to church that’s right across from College Hall at the downtown end of campus - St. Mary’s Church. That’s where I attended mass when I was at Smith and where I was confirmed (I had refused to get confirmed in high school in a fit of teen-rebel pique) and one of my housemates from Smith was my confirmation sponsor. It’s a beautiful old church, part of the thriving Catholic community of the Pioneer Valley (lots of Poles and Irish). Also stop by the Smith Chapel. It might make your parents feel more comfortable to know you’re close to things that are familiar to them. Mention that Smith has a Newman Society as part of their religious orgs, so you can hang with other Catholics on Campus</p>
<p>The truth is, they are just fearing what they don’t know or understand, going off of gut instinct. Of course there’s plenty of liberalism and feminism at Smith, but it’s not just black and white stereotypes, we’re a nuanced bunch. They’ll need to experience it and take time to adjust to it. I hope the visit goes well. Stick to your guns.</p>
<p>My google-fu isn’t working today, but Saint Mary’s in Northampton doesn’t exist any more. The parishes in Northampton combined to form Saint Elizabeth Ann Seton Parish, and I’m not sure which building remained open, but this Sophian article indicates that it was the other church building in Northampton, on King Street (walkable from Smith but not as convenient as Saint Mary’s). [St</a>. Mary’s to close, dealing blow to Catholic Community - News](<a href=“http://media.www.smithsophian.com/media/storage/paper587/news/2009/11/19/News/St.Marys.To.Close.Dealing.Blow.To.Catholic.Community-3838616.shtml]St”>http://media.www.smithsophian.com/media/storage/paper587/news/2009/11/19/News/St.Marys.To.Close.Dealing.Blow.To.Catholic.Community-3838616.shtml)</p>
<p>I don’t have any updates after November, and the Saint Mary’s web site just says the new parish’s site is forthcoming.</p>
<p>I chatted with my D yesterday about this and she made a comment that I thought I would share here. She is now a first-year grad student in applied economics and while her (large university) program meets her goals very well, she does not have the same feeling about her grad school that she had about Smith.</p>
<p>As she put it, at Smith “You would have had to **hide under your bed **to not be exposed constantly to opportunities.” </p>
<p>I recall her mentioning such experiences as profs crossing the road to chat when they recognized her walking on campus, etc. It is that type of individual encouragement for, I get the impression, *each and every *student that makes the Smith experience unique.</p>
<p>PAH, I’ll drop you a PM later…I’m jammed with work at the moment. My D was president of the Newman Association senior year and I can speak to the Catholic community at Smith. Lots of positives, some negatives, particularly in terms of the current administration.</p>
<p>I agree with what’s been posted here, and would add that all you need to convince your parents of at this point, if you’re not yet a senior, is that you can apply to Smith. The decision about whether you attend can be put off until you get the admissions decision and financial aid package…no point fighting that battle until you need to. If your parents are reluctant, perhaps you could promise to apply to a school that they like more than you do in exchange.</p>
<p>Wow, really? That’s unfortunate, it was such a beautiful old church, though very expensive to keep up. That being said. What are you going to do wih a 100 year old church building? If I come back for reunion in ten years and it’s a condo, I’m going to cry.</p>
<p>Oh, I agree it’s a beautiful building. I’m not much of a churchgoer, but I did make my way to Saint Mary’s a few times (I preferred it over the Catholic services in the chapel).</p>