Lack of...Willpower? No motivation?

Parents Forum Learning Differences and Challenges - LD, ADHD
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So… it is the end of my sophomore year and I finished with a 3.1 unweighted gpa for this semester which will drop my academic cumulative gpa down to a 3.2. I dont know how to go into this but this is how i will start:
On a daily basis of a school week since freshmen year, I will come home from my classes and immediately sit on my couch or bed and surf the internet, eat, or sit aimlessly staring around my room, just pondering/daydreaming about irrelevant things. At times I will disregard my workload, or the amount of time I have to finish, or even the importance of the test I have the following day. I tell myself something like, “I will do my homework later, sleep doesn’t matter that much…I can stay up late to do my homework”. The consequences of this thought are tiredness the next day at school, and for the rest of the week. It is a continuous cycle.
At times feels as though there is a weight on my chest… literally. I will be laying in bed after school, feeling pulled down towards my mattress by my lack of motivation, apathy, and sometimes lethargy. I feel… sloth-like.
At my high school, I am in weighted courses (honors, ap) except math. I find the material in the classes to be quite easy to grasp and understand, however, I am consistently getting B+ and Bs in these because I only put in minimum effort, and sometimes I just allow things like assignments to slide and I tell myself “I will just try harder on the next one to compensate”, a strategy which has never worked out. Despite the constant string of errors and mistakes in judgement, I find that I am unable to learn from any of them.
My main talent/interest/extracurricular is fine arts and even though I find immense interest in it, the times when I actually create are when I have spontaneous bursts of motivation, which is not often. My art portfolio is one of the only things that holds me far up for my future college application, and slowly, the opportunities to utilize my talents are fading away slowly.
I had recovered from semi severe depression/anxiety, which lasted about a year when I was 14 however I am now 16 and certain symptoms persist though I am unsure whether or not these are associated with my academic issues. Although I have grown so much as a person, In general, I am still a little more neurotic and experience/deal with emotions a little differently than the average human. though now, the emotional symptoms are not drastic enough to fit the profile of any mental disorder (maybe depression still but idk)
I have considered that I may have ADHD due to my behavior in elementary and middle school (unfocused, hyperactive, daydreaming, talkative, disruptive), though I do not seem to have symptoms of severe attention-deficit- if I try hard to focus in a given situation, I can. Though what made me consider ADD is that when I am attempting to do my homework, it seems as though my phone and my computer are calling to me, and telling me to put off the work and gratify myself with social media and you tube videos.
There are several reasons I am sure of for all these things,

  1. Lack of will power/delaying gratification, aka a weak pre-frontal cortex
    2.Lack of long-term motivation- the farther something is (like college experiences), the less realistic it seems to my brain, and so I do not feel the drive I wish to feel
  2. etc etc…more related things I am unable to think of right now…

I do want change. There is a side of my mind that pleads the other side to find motivation and will power, however the latter is stronger. I often google, read psychological studies, and seek advice from my peers about the symptoms. however, nothing has brought about even a small amount of change.
If anyone has any wisdom, books to read about this, personal experiences, anything helps.
thanks

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Hi - I understand how you feel and what a true struggle this can be. Have you had a neuro-psych educational evaluation? An QEEG could also provide some good insight. This testing is expensive but you can have it done privately if your school will not provide it, and private testing is generally more comprehensive. It sounds like you may well have a form of ADHD, a non verbal learning disability (NVLD), a processing delay, active depression or a combination of any of these. Please don’t blame yourself for falling short of your goals - what you describe sounds like it may well be neurologically based, in other words hard-wired. If you find out that you have a learning difference of any kind, testing will indicate what the best path forward may be (therapy, a life coach, medication, changes to your homework etc.) Because you are bright and your grades are decent, your school may not realize how much you are struggling,but if you haven’t already, you should tell your guidance counselor so they can set up some support for you.

I also recommend creating as much structure for yourself at home as you can. In other words set yourself up for success. Do homework in a space with no phone, tv or internet, install apps that will not allow you to surf for a specified period of time, make rules for yourself like if I finish one subject, I “earn” 15 minutes of surfing, then back to the books. You don’t have to deny yourself fun stuff but you need a to-do list and a daily schedule so that you tube doesn’t creep in where it shouldn’t be ( and going cold turkey isn’t a bad idea if you can’t stick to self-imposed limits) You may need to work much harder than others to keep yourself on track and meet your goals which is super frustrating and can feel impossible but your situation will improve if you develop some routines. Exercise, sleep, fish oil and pro biotic supplements, multivitamins, can all help too.

My 15-year-old is very similar to you and I also struggle a lot with the same problems. We are both adhd and her type of adhd also is commonly linked to depression and anxiety. There are a lot of kids just like you! Steven Covey’s books may help you and also possibly “The Distracted Child” Having someone hold you accountable and teach you strategies (a counselor at school who meets with you 2x a week or a tutor at home) may also help. Amen’s ADHD books may also be helpful. Neuro-feedback is helpful too in some cases. There is no cure, but you can improve your coping strategies. Don’t try to fix this all on your own either if you can help it, get some help from someone trained to understand your situation. PM me if you want.

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Can you change your after school habit – go to the library and work unti dinner time? Changing your environment can help change your habits. Try using rewards for yourself, too – finish one assignment, then treat yourself with a snack or break.

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@chemmchimney

Thank you so much for the response,
From that list, I am certain that I can scratch off Nvld (If, by definition, struggling with nonverbal communication), because I live a pretty normal social life, I would even say I have above average empathetic/social ability.
However, I am unsure about the others. In my honors/advanced placement courses at a challenging high school, I find that I am competent in terms of memory (maybe a little rough with short term memory) , learning, critical/abstract thinking; however, I fall extremely short in the willpower/motivation department, which inhibits my overall learning time opportunities. Do willpower and motivation have to do with the symptoms of ADD and/or depression? I do know that depression is associated with serotonin deficiency, however I dont experience constant melancholy as I have in the past with the disorder. Is it possible that I just have an addictive personality? Perhaps, the gratification I receive from activities I do whilst procrastinating are the only things that bring me satisfaction in everyday life. If so, then is there treatment for this minor sort of addiction, or will my guidance counselor even treat me seriously?
What is the type of adhd that is linked with depression and anxiety?
Regardless, I really should be asking these questions to my school counselor, but I think that I have not because I feel like i am stuck in this inescapable hole.

anyways, again thank you so much for everyone’s responses.

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It has been said often about craftsmen who argue with their tools, lawyers who represent themselves have fool for a client and so on that relying on oneself is not effective in resolving one’s own problems. You do, however, have a critical role in diagnosis. Think about and keep a,record of when you experience and do not have the problems you describe. How long have the problems existed and have they changed and, if so, what is gdifferent. Diatgnostticians such as medical doctors and psychologists have a strategy for narrowing down the problem, making a,diagnosis and suggesting remediation. Do go to the school counselor ad ask her to ask for an evaluation. Your parents must give permission for an evaluation and add their observations. One or more teachers,would add their,observations. Again, you know yourself, but not how to make a,formal diagnosis and recommend treat ment You would be expected, to participate in treatment and provide insight into what works and does not work towards resolve your problems.

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@cheurosis willpower and motivation are nearly always negatively impacted by adhd and depression. But it’s like snowflakes - every person’s situation/diagnosis is unique to their neurology and their environment, and it’s usually complicated. However, there is lots of help too and small changes like taking vitamin supplements, getting good sleep and exercise etc. can also really help. I would not be afraid to talk to your counselor - it is such a common problem that I am sure they will have had many other students ask for similar help and advice. btw my daughter is hugely social and also has a NVLD. Learning differences are all individual too - you can have some traits and not others of just one or several different “disabilities.”