Lafayette vs Oberlin vs Gettysburg (Really Need Help Deciding!)

College Search & Selection
1

This is going to be a little long, but please read all of it!

I wasn’t planning on posting on here for help choosing, but I am getting really stressed out about this and I just want this decision part to be over. I really need your help and advice. When I was young, I always used to tell my parents that I was going to go far away for college. I wanted to have that freedom and independence, a chance to create my own life without constantly having a safety net. However, A few years ago, I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety (mainly social), and now my mom is worried about me being far away (7 hours away from Oberlin). I’m sorta worried about my mental health and being far from home too, but I also feel like I’d be able to preserve and push through and find help if I needed it, even without being able to go home on the weekends. My mom is really upset right now because she thinks that I already made my choice (Oberlin) and she’s devastated that I’ll be so far. The thing is, I haven’t made my choice and with each passing day I feel more and more torn inside. That’s why I really want to hear some fresh perspectives from people who don’t have a personal stake in where I go to college next year.

My college decision is not going to be based on finances. I’m fortunate enough to not have that have to play a huge part in my decision. That being said, of course it would be great to go to a cheaper college, but I don’t want the basis of your advice to be on the finances.

Also, both my parents said that they would be fine with wherever I choose to go. It just sucks for me because my mom (and even my dad to an extent) literally loves all the other colleges except for Oberlin (she hasn’t seen it in person yet though). Neither of them understand what I see in it ((but I’m not committed to it; I’m very confused) and it will make me sad if my parents hate my college deep down.

Anyways, here’s my basic list of positives and negatives based off of my personal preferences.

LAFAYETTE
-con: almost too close to home (50ish mins away)
-pro: close to my bff (25 mins away)
-con: no merit scholarship offered (most expensive option)
-pro: parents love it
-con: don’t think it has a lot of diversity
-pro: nice feeling on campus
Have visited and going back for Admitted Students day

GETTYSBURG
-pro: good distance away from home (2ish hours away)
-con: don’t really care about the Gettysburg War at all
-pro: $22, 000 merit scholarship (cheapest option)
Saw the campus for a minute or so, know least about, going to visit on Admitted Students Day

OBERLIN
-con: far away (7 hours away)
-pro: no greek life
-pro: no football
-pro: very music-centric
-con: almost extreme liberal (I don’t want to use coed bathrooms for example)
-con: parents dislike it
-pro: lots of cool opportunities (like Exco and winter term)
-pro: $15,000 merit scholarship
Visited campus before, going back to Admitted Students Day, know most about

I also really love singing and musical theatre and that’s a big factor in my decision (want to make sure there’s plenty of opportunities on campus for these things and that it’s emphasized on campus).

Any thoughts on this would be much appreciated! A new perspective could help give me some clarity!

2

First, actual distance from home has very little to do with being able to be independent. Regardless of which school you choose, discuss when you think you would like to come home (fall break, Thanksgiving, etc) to manage your parent’s expectations. Also, this lets you include the cost of doing so in your school budget.

Second, it is great that you are going to all 3 admitted student days. Do so with an open mind and ask your parents to do the same. Update your pro and con lists after each one. All of you may be surprised as to what feels like the best choice after those visits.

Good luck to you! Please keep us posted.

3

@churchthecat

First, I would call the respective colleges to figure out what level of mental health support is available for both crises and routine care.

Second, where are you likely to be happiest socially? Are there environments that make you feel more or less anxious? If you feel like you fit in well, you may experience less social anxiety.

Third, you list Greek life as a negative. Both Lafayette and Gettysburg have fairly robust Greek life, Gettysburg more so. It has a reputation on many college surveys as being a party school so think about whether or not that appeals.

I have a kid at Oberlin so you can message me if you have any questions. It does have a very distinctive student vibe that is not for everybody. But if it fits, it’s great. Regarding bathrooms, at the beginning of the year, students vote about what kind of bathrooms they want in their dorm. If even just one person asks for a single-sex bathroom, at least one will conform to your preference, no questions asked. I personally think that the ultra-liberal reputation is a bit exaggerated; a live-and-let-live mentality seems to prevail, at least to me. I suspect it varies somewhat according to the major that you choose and the classes you take.

To conclude, for fit, I think that Lafayette or Oberlin are likely to suit you better than Gettysburg. I hope that campus visits provide more insight so you will be happy with your choice. Congratulations on your acceptances.

p.s. There is football at Oberlin but you have to look hard to find it.

4

I think you’ve descibed your choices well. Lafayette is more of a blend of the two, imho. But as most things, the impressions of these schools are big generalities.

Little thing and nothing to do with your school choice, but for future student readers of this thread a bit of a correction to the post. Gettysburg was actually a very bloody “battle” that served as a turning point in “”Thr Civil War”’ which led ultimately to the abolition of slavery in the USA.

5

My S is also looking at Lafayette and Gettysburg. We are also going to the accepted student days.
Love Lafayette (don’t love the price!) All the students we met were friendly, smart and helpful. The campus is beautiful. You really get the sense that you will thrive there socially and intellectually and there will be many opportunities to do great things.
Gettysburg weather was the worst when we visited, but we still liked it. Again, met some great kids, were impressed with academics. Top notch study abroad program, career center and look into the Sunderman Conservatory of Music.
We were told that Lafayette is about 35% students in Greek life, Gettysburg 45%. My S is also not interested in a party atmosphere, but I didn’t get the sense that either school would be overwhelming and that such a kid would have many social options that don’t involve alcohol, etc

6

I would just like to comment that being 50 minutes away from home might be more likely a positive than a negative (especially if you are still dealing with mental health issues). We looked all up and down the east coast for colleges with my S. In the end the school that best met his particular needs/desires and that gave the best merit aid was less than a half hour from home. Although he would live on campus, the distance (or rather the lack of distance) to the college was a concern for all of us. We actually sat down and had an honest talk before he committed to that college. We (parents) as well as his grandparents promised to treat him as if he was hours away and that included not expecting him home other than during school breaks, no “popping by campus because we were nearby” etc. And my S promised to not use home as a crutch – no coming by for dinner or weekends, to do laundry etc. And guess what – it worked out wonderfully well. He had a very full and happy campus life that felt different from being at home. And yes a few times over the years we did agree to bend the rules (ex. he surprised me one year for my birthday, we met up in NYC once or twice, he came home when his winter coat ripped to get a new one etc.) but for the most part we all kept up our end of the bargain. It was the best of all worlds for us. And it can be for you as well – plus if it turns out that you do need some additional support due to your issues it can happen.

For full disclosure my D went to Lafayette and absolutely loved it but I don’t know enough about Oberlin or Gettysburg to make comparisons.

7

Thank you so much for the responses so far! You don’t even know how incredibly helpful they’ve been for me. Any more thoughts on this would also be greatly appreciated!

8

Interesting choice. My younger son is considering both as well. My older son is at Oberlin. He plays basketball and is pre-med. So he is involved in sports and loves it as well. It sometimes tips a little to the far side of liberal to the point where my moderate to liberal son says it gets a bit ridiculous but he has had a great experience there as a biology major. He said even if would have stopped playing basketball he would have stayed to get his degree there. We are at Lafayette for a second visit next Sunday.