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<p>wow. generalize much? No it is NOT fact. </p>
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<p>wow. generalize much? No it is NOT fact. </p>
<p>^As I said, I have nothing to do with it, but my D. (in Medical school) had similar expirience. She was given “Honorary Chinese” title by her Asian friends because, “she is hard working and palying instrument”
So, I do not know fact or not, I am just stating D’s and GradD’s experiences, and I even do not live where they do, so how do I know, I do not generalized or NOT generalized anything at all, I just repeated what I was told.</p>
<p>The ill regard that some Chinese immigrants have for the Americans whom they view as carefree, lax and permissive is nothing new. Years ago two white friends of mine each married Chinese immigrant women. The ladies’ parents were none too happy. One husband eventually got somewhat of a break because he earned a scientific PhD and he spoke Cantonese.</p>
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<p>Not all Chinese immigrant families feel that way. </p>
<p>Some take it to the opposite extreme of preferring the marriage of White spouses over members of their own ethnicity due to warped notions of racial hierarchy whereas most like some in my own family just happened to find love with someone of a different race/ethnic group without factoring race/ethnicity in. </p>
<p>^ Considering the percentage of Asian American females who are “out-married” (to the white) vs the percentage of Asian American Males who do the same, this is not surprising. The warped notions of racial hierarchy likely exist. Whenever there is such a percentage disparity, the perceived hierarchy, ill perceived or not, likely exists. I believe this exists between different asian ethnic groups/countries in Asia as well.</p>
<p>From the Brooklyn Tech PTA:
<a href=“http://origin.library.constantcontact.com/download/get/file/1115465292566-229/Tech.PTA.bill.pressrelease8.pdf”>http://origin.library.constantcontact.com/download/get/file/1115465292566-229/Tech.PTA.bill.pressrelease8.pdf</a></p>
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<p>You got to be kidding.
Let me take the ****** out of that quote.</p>
<p>“Some people don’t want their kids to hang out with lazy kids” (Probably because of it is perceived as a bad influence and they don’t want their kids to become lazy.)</p>
<p>Those “some people” can be of any race.
Those “lazy kids” can be of any race.</p>
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<p>This means something!
We all know that in all other marriages the in-laws never have a problem with who the daughter marries.
Never.
Ever.</p>
<p>I think the more westernized Asians tend to marry outside of their race. Nine female members of an Asian friend’s extended family (both sides, cousins, etc) are married to Caucasian males. All had fathers who were uninvolved, too busy working to support their families, displayed very little affection or encouragement, kind of typical for male immigrants who only want their children to succeed in school so that they can have a better life than their parents. A tenth female member continuously laments how she wishes she had done the same, because her husband, a naturalized citizen, is also uninvolved and works long hours. The kids get everything they want, but bless their hearts, are not the least bit spoiled or entitled. All they want is encouragement and an occasional “good job”, which they rarely get. Considering how well they’ve done so far in life, it’s a shame, but I think they’ve resigned themselves to the fact he is who he is. </p>
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<p>This isn’t necessarily an Asian thing. In my childhood neighborhood, I recalled several “old school” parents…both immigrants and multi-generational White ethnics(Irish, Greek) and Hispanic who were the same way.</p>
<p>One extreme example I saw firsthand was a Hispanic elementary school classmate whose father was Vietnam vet, 20+ year Marine veteran, and did a stint as a drill sergeant at Parris Island. He treated his son almost like a Marine recruit to be disciplined and drilled and never complemented his son as he felt that was a form of “spoiling him” from what I overheard from his conversations with my father and other neighborhood men. </p>
<p>His room at 8 years old was the epitome of spartan order and something which would likely pass inspection at military training establishments. Something which was part of the plan as my friend’s father was a bit of a “Tiger dad” except his goal was seeing his son go off to attend one of the Federal Service Academies. Heard he gave his son much grief when he failed to gain admission to any of them…even though he got a full Army ROTC scholarship from a local private college. </p>
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I could imagine that her husband, having been brought up not in this country, might have a hard time to change himself especially if he came to this country not at a very young age.</p>
<p>Regarding “working long hours”, I observe that, in the industry that I have been in at least, many first/1.5/2nd generations of Americans tend to be expected to work long hours than those Americans who have been “more established” for several generations. They are more expected to meet a more aggressive schedule and have less opportunity to move to the management. The “treatment” by the management even within the same company is often not the same. If they do not contribute more, the management may soon choose to offshore their jobs to those “more cost effective” countries they immigrated from. This is also partly due the nature of their jobs (i.e., non-management type jobs.)</p>
<p>This phenomenon is not limited to Asian Americans who are new immigrants. It is also applicable to other ethnic groups (e.g., new immigrants from East European countries, like Russia, Romania, etc.)</p>
<p>Somebody seems to have posted recently that more kids from the families newly immigrated from these countries (Russia, etc., and some Asian countries) tend to get into the magnet high schools in NYC. Are these (overworked parents and these high achieving public magnet school kids) correlated with each other? Maybe these kids will grow up to be more like the “husband” you talked about. Just a bad “behavior inheritance” cycle which may take several generations to break.</p>
<p>Well, I’m Asian and my dad was very involved with my life (tbh he probably spent more time on me than on his job), especially compared to my mom. Not that I’m blaming my mom for anything, that’s the way things worked out. I think that differences in interracial marriage between Asian females and Asian males have more to with stereotypes that Asians are more feminine (similarly, I think Black men are more likely than Black women to marry outside of their race, and this is probably somewhat related to the stereotype that Black people are more masculine).</p>
<p>And I don’t see what any of this has to do with NYC high schools, and I apologize for keeping the thread off track, but the above comments bothered me.</p>
<p>This actually reminds me of something one of my colleagues (who is an immigrant from S. Korea) told us.</p>
<p>We were once casually talking about whether it is “fair” to expect an employee to join “after-work (drinking or not) events” among coworkers frequently. Doing so frequently essentially lengthens the time an employee works for the company each day. He told us that, back in his home country, if a husband does not want to go to such events or works long hours often, his wife may even be upset and will encourage him to join such events ( so “work” long hours) instead of coming home early. This is especially true if he works for a “well-respected” company (those few “God’s places”.)</p>
<p>KatCh614, I think what you share with us is likely true. This may be applicable to DS. But even if he is fully aware of this, I am not sure whether he is able to overcome this, considering the career path he is going into. I really do not know how to “help him.” But thanks for sharing this with us. When nine family members chose this path, it likely carries some siginificance.</p>