<p>Hi,
Since I gather from reading these posts that many of you have been on CC for more than one application cycle, I am hoping to get some advice on how to survive this. My son applied to Yale EA knowing that it would be extremely competitive but last night I read the thread from Decision Day 2003 and was horrified. Were any of you parents of kids that went thru that? How did you resolve your admissions outcomes one way or the other?</p>
<p>Didn't partcipate in the Yale massacre, but suffered a deferral at Harvard. Expectations were low, but, nevertheless, hopes were high. You just have to suck it up and keep moving... kids are resilient, and there are so many wonderful possibilities that it doesn't take long for enthusasm to be reborn. As a parent, you just have to say "well, in my opinion they made a mistake" and stay positive and supportive. A good outcome awaits.</p>
<p>Because my son went into the process with his eyes open and having plenty of great alternatives, the rejection from Yale stung only briefly. Our children will undoubtedly have to deal with unrequited love many times through their lives, and this was my son's second such experience. Trust me, his being dumped by his girlfriend junior year hurt much much more. He's now at Tufts where he applied ED round 2 and he couldn't be happier. It was Yale's loss. :)</p>
<p>Andi,the kids took it a lot better than the parents IMHO. Learning to cope with a disappointing situation is part of growing up, and although it's painful to watch your child not get something s/he wants, I don't think it's a stretch to say that you'll be winning your parenting gold medal by taking the right tone. We know people who have acted as though someone has died; overcompensating to the kid like crazy; acting out all over the place; speaking in hushed tones to friends as though your kid was diagnosed with a terminal illness (God forbid) instead of being deferred or rejected from one of many many fine schools, one of which will end up being their new home next September.</p>
<p>'Honey we love you and support you; we know this is disappointing, the odds were crazy, they rejected your application but they aren't making a judgement call on who you are as a person. Do you want tuna casserole for a special supper or would you rather go to IHOP for pancakes? Oh by the way, can you take out the garbage on your way out???"</p>
<p>Important for your kid to see that YOU aren't rejecting them, that you understand that life goes on even after disappointing news, that you have the perspective that sometimes you don't get what you want but it all ends up ok anyway. Your kid will move on quickly if you are sympathetic to their natural feelings of disappointment and a little anger, but if you're careful not to indulge too much agony. Your kid will take their cue from you, the allegedly mature one, so if you start bawling and acting like the world has come to an end, your kid will not be able to move on appropriately.</p>
<p>I was part of that Yale EA massacre and, while it was nervewracking (I chose to wait until the mail came to find out my decision), it was nice to know that no matter what happened life would go on. My parents let me have my anxiety space during that week but weren't too anxious about it themselves.</p>
<p>jjsmom hit the nail on the head. She said, "Because my son went into the process with his eyes open and having plenty of great alternatives, the rejection from Yale stung only briefly."</p>
<p>Most kids who applied to Yale EA last year (and are applying this year) are unbelievable students with many options. I am sure that all those who thought that Yale was the "perfect" school last year and were not accepted at Yale EA were in fact accepted at other "perfect" schools. The same will happen this year!</p>
<p>We were part of last year's Yale's EA bloodbath and, believe me, it was not fun. D was not deferred; she was rejected outright in the EA round. Which left us all very disappointed and left me puzzled. At the Yale road show the adcom had said that only those who were clearly not qualified would be rejected in EA and many (most?) would be deferred. I was not so bold as to think she was a shoo-in for acceptance, but I thought her stats and app were strong enough to merit at least a deferral. I kept rereading her app and just couldn't see where the big gap was that warranted a rejection. </p>
<p>D took it stoically - no tears. But she did become convinced that she wouldn't get into ANY colleges at all. I knew that wouldn't happen, because she had very strong stats and had applied to several solid safeties. But in any case it was a long, cold winter from mid-December until the RD results started to come out in late March.</p>
<p>All's well that ends well. In the RD round the mailbox was loaded with acceptances from many fine schools including four big reach schools. D is currently half way through her freshman year at Harvard and loving every minute of it. She was particularly happy at last Saturday's football game when Harvard beat Yale for the fourth straight year.</p>
<p>So the moral is: Hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. And if the worst happens, don't worry -- there is new day in the RD round. And things will no doubt work out very well in the end.</p>
<p>After being rejected on the EA round at Yale, D was bummed, but bolstered by the words of her GC who said, "What the **** are these people looking for?" She did reassess her essays, made changes to them and put together a great package for the applications she sent out after Christmas. </p>
<p>Once the kids are off at college and having a great time, the EA disappointments are long forgotten!</p>
<p>Concur with all the previous posters...and, yes, in the end, things do work out.</p>
<p>To mitigate most of the disappointment, our only criteria for D's list of colleges was that ALL the schools had to be ones which she would be HAPPY to attend. She applied EA to Yale so that we could hear early and move forward. It stung...but it was brief. She is a happy at Haverford.</p>
<p>andi,
'03 Yale massacre survivor here (parent). ED deferral was tough, because that meant soldiering through all the other apps. But daughter is now very happy at Williams. And had many other great choices as well. The key thing is to get to like several other schools--beyond the first choice. Yale is a total crap-shoot, regardless of one's qualifications.</p>
<p>Our daughter is another Yale EA survivor. She was rejected outright in EA, with much of the same headwagging on the part of GCs and other Knowledgable People ("Whaaaat? What the h### were they thinking? If D can't get in to Yale, who can?"). D was disappointed, but able to believe the GCs and other Knowledgables when they assured her that she would be just fine with her RD applications. (Mother was not nearly so able to believe, as some here on CC will attest.)</p>
<p>Like Coureur's D, our D ended up at Harvard (and is coming home tonight for TDay -- woo hoo!). She also was accepted by her other 3 top choice schools, and received a major merit offer from the 4th. </p>
<p>I believe that last year's Yale EA experience was atypical. They were swamped by an unanticipated flood of EA apps, and I think probably unprepared for decisionmaking with the "new" rules of SCEA in a highly unpredictable admissions environment. Perhaps others on the board can comment on the atypical nature -- this is just my observation.</p>
<p>My editorial comment: I found that things look VERY different on April 1st than they do on December 15th, or even February 28th. Although some claim April is the cruelest month, I found it to be March. Got through it by zipping my mouth shut and haunting these boards.</p>
<p>Thank you all--I'm actually smiling! When I went to check on my CC message I was so pleased to see all of your responses. I'm very glad I posted! This was very helpful. In an effort not to put my own anxieties on my S, I've been trying to keep it all inside, so having this board to refer to is a great relief. I appreciate all of your suggestions.... the last thing I want to do is more damage to him than a possible rejection would be.</p>
<p>evil_robot, your holding out for the letter made the reading of the 03 thead all the more gripping. With the other readers egging you on to check the Yale web site for the results and you waiting for the mail carrier, I was a wreck by the time I finished reading. </p>
<p>thanks again everyone.</p>
<p>I concur with the others. My D applied EA to Yale and was deferred and then eventually rejected in April, her only outright rejection. My D (and we) took it well, in my opinion. It was never a Yale or bust approach. Yes, she liked Yale very much. She entered into that process with her eyes wide open, very cognizant of the crapshoot odds of it. She did not expect to get in, not because she did not believe in herself but because the odds were so slim. At the time she had two first choices, Yale and Tufts. But like others have said, she liked all the schools on her list. She thought the EA would be a slight boost for Yale and picked to do that over the ED for Tufts which is also a commitment and she was not quite ready for that and felt she needed the boost of going early at Yale more. </p>
<p>She was never uptight about it. We stood while she looked online for the EA results and when she read about the deferral, she never got upset, nor did we. I mean it is disappointing but she is an easygoing person. She said that was sorta what she expected. I do not think she let herself believe she would get in. Actually, she felt good to even make the deferral pile given that about 40% of kids got rejected and she knows those kids were likely just as superb as the other piles. I mean look at the kids on this thread...Harvard, Williams, Tufts, Haverford...um, good enough for Yale, yet rejected there. So, she already looked on the bright side to even make the deferral pile. Leading up to that date I had read of the record breaking number of apps and how the admit rate was way down for the early round than in past years when it was more like 28% (this time it was like 16%!). So, she knew the lottery nature of it. She moved forward. She had been doing apps right along and only had a couple left to do. She did not apply ED2 to Tufts and wanted to wait until April on Yale and every other school at that point. Shortly thereafter, she began to maintain that she had a triple first choice tie...Yale, Tufts, Brown. My hopes were that she would get ONE of these, and wouldn't that be nice. I was so glad she was not pining away for one school only. The other schools on her list also were well liked. </p>
<p>It was a LONG wait until April but acceptances rolled in. She got into all her schools, waitlisted at one, rejected at Yale. But the rejection at Yale at that point was not that big of a deal as it was simultaneous with acceptances on the same day (not like back in Dec.) and voila, the other two first choices, Brown and Tufts came through. So, she did not dwell on the Yale thing as she had plenty of happy news at that point, thankfully. In fact, then she could NOT decide where to go (oh, to have such problems!). She then had it down to Brown, Tufts, or Smith and did the open house events in April for accepted students. Brown was the winner (tables turned, now she got to pick THEM!). And ya know, the kid is OVERLY happy at Brown so far. It all works out. Gotta keep that message going through the whole process. While the Yale deferral was disappointing, it lasted about one minute or less. It was kinda like Blossum's vignette....a word or two about it and moved forward and had dinner and dealt with it. Not that I would want her to be rejected again, I do think you learn from experiences where everything was not positive and for kids like her (and your kids) who meet with success usually at every turn, stuff like this is a good learning experience. She more than survived. She never acted upset but I think she went into it very realistically. And she did not make it like it was all about getting into Yale.</p>
<p>And our GC, like some of yours, tells me to this day (often) that he will never understand her not getting into Yale and I keep telling him that WE understand it because we did not expect it because we are quite familiar with the state of elite admissions these days and the odds, as well as that year's Yale massacre. He does not deal as often with elite admissions but in any case, he says this one bothers him most of all of any college situation he has been through. He had written in his report that my D was the best student he had seen at the school in 25 years (I can't imagine that but he keeps saying that to me, and we have had a couple go to Harvard or Stanford, though none to Yale), and I think he thinks a kid like that gets in but I know it ain't so. Just read these forums of the amazing kids here who did not.</p>
<p>Make sure your kid knows this situation. The rejected or deferred kids were truly qualified. If your son does not get into Yale, it is not a reflection of his worth or qualifications. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Andi:</p>
<p>My S applied EA and is hoping for positive news on Dec. 15. But reflecting on the Yale Massacre from last year, I've urged him to write his essays for other colleges now. It must be very hard to write an essay about "Why College XYZ?" when your number #1 choice has turned you down. So he's going to spend Thanksgiving writing essays.</p>
<p>Yep. I found last year's Stanford early admissions reject thread and it was a good reality check, those kids were amazing, so we will make sure to keep the realistic attitude around the house the next few weeks....though I must admit, my kid is too busy to think about it, in at a rolling safety with merit money, and trying to morivate herself to finisht hose UC essays by Nov 30th.</p>
<p>It is crazy to read the reject and admit threads and see the "stats" that look so similar....you know and turly understand the extremely competitive pools which you are considering!</p>
<p>Marite- Well I hope for success for your son too. I am trying to get him to work on other college apps, but it's hard to find the time when you lead a busy life. I guess I'll make sure he does a little bit every day because I can imagine he'll be either discouraged or frantic if he saves it all for Christmas vacation. </p>
<p>Soozievt I think I remember seeing your name on last year's massacre thread. I'm so glad your daughter had a happy ending. I think that's what I had hoped to hear when I wrote my post. After I read thru nearly the entire thread I was left wondering "What happened next to all these wonderful but disappointed kids?" All I was left with was this picture of rejection and no idea what followed. It's heartening to hear of some happy endings- and as you pointed out- most have gotten into such good schools. While I have warned him about the slim chances of acceptance, I think he's used to success and, like me before I read about the massacre, doesn't really understand. His interview was tonight and I didn't really want to tell him how bleak the picture is until that was over for obvious reasons. Now I'm going to work on making sure he understands a bit more realistically. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when your D's application was reviewed. What could they have been thinking? It must truly be a sign of the times.
Anyway, thanks so much for your help.</p>
<p>Andi:</p>
<p>Another thread appeared in early April when RD letters arrived, and another one later in the month about the kids' decisions. Far more fun to read than the December one! One of my favorite posts concerns how Coureur's D made up her mind between two subway stations.</p>
<p>Can I find them by just scrolling back? I've heard references to the new CC and the old CC. I'd love to read them, especially the subway stop story.</p>
<p>Andi -</p>
<p>Old CC forum: <a href="http://www.collegeconfidential.com/cgi-bin/discus/show.cgi?default/%5B/url%5D">http://www.collegeconfidential.com/cgi-bin/discus/show.cgi?default/</a></p>
<p>The thread with my D's subway stop decision was titled Watching the Decision, and it was in the Parents forum in April of 2004. You can find it by searching threads by subject line.</p>
<p>I wasn't on CC last year so I didn't even realize Yale EA was a "massacre." I only knew that my niece was rejected and is now happily attending Tufts. Sure, prepare for the worst, but if getting rejected from Yale is the worst thing that happens to your kid, you're doing OK!!</p>