<p>Earlier I applied to UT Austin, but I wasn't admitted but rather suggested to their CAP ...so i decided to write a letter of appeal, and yes, a lot has changed from my earlier application, if would read through it and offer any suggestions? Thank you sooo much!</p>
<p>To whom it may concern,
Though at first glance my previous application may have been deemed unworthy, or otherwise fallen short of your admission standards, my previously acquired aspiration to schooling at the Cockrell School of Engineering at The University of Texas at Austin has been made more evident by the additional information I have accumulated to add to my past application.
Primarily the rigor, and resulting grades, of my courses have dramatically changed. As seen on my current transcript you previously received from me, last semester I enrolled in 5 AP classes and 1 Pre-AP: Humanities, Psychology, English IV, Biology II, Government, and Pre-Calculus, because I was put on the A-Honor Roll I received the Award of Excellence from my principal and finished that semester with a perfect 4.0, which then propelled me into the top 10%(8.9%).
Needless to say my spontaneous ambition did not end there; simultaneously I excelled in many Band competitions, I became a District region 5A qualifier for a 3rd time, and then moved on to become and Area 5A qualifier, also because of the division 1 rating our brass sextet received, my ensemble and I became State qualifiers.
As an individual I have strive for the best, and I adamantly believe with perseverance anyone can accomplish anything. For example my primary aspiration has always been to someday work with NASA to build and develop the next generation of shielding for orbital and lunar habituation modules, my strong passion for engineering and my continuous perseverance, I believe would only be beneficious and act as a benefactor to your Engineering program.
I would ask that you take into consideration everything that I have outlined here and reconsider my admission into the Cockrell school of Engineering at the University of Texas at Austin.
Thank you, </p>
<p>“As an individual I have strive for the best” should be “as an individual, I strive for the best”, no? Otherwise, sounds good! A letter of appeal might not work, but it’s worth a shot! Good luck.</p>
<p>Too many big words. Too flowery. You write really long sentences. Avoid the passive voice. Avoid “;”.</p>
<p>Did they tell you why you weren’t admitted? You should respond to that. Explain why your previous courses weren’t as rigorous. Why did you take them? Why didn’t you mention your AP class enrollment in your original application?</p>
<p>What has changed about you? What have you learned? Ex: You learned you are capable of taking harder course work. You learned you excel when you challenge yourself. etc.</p>
<p>Attach a copy of your old application, your old transcript, and your new transcript. Don’t make them do any work to review your file. Review your old application for any grammatical errors or typos.</p>
<p>I’m impressed you’re making this effort. They will be impressed as well. Hopefully it will pay off.</p>
<p>^ Yea, I agree with Tortfeasor. It comes across as way too academic… and while that might make sense to do, that’s not the purpose of an admission essay, and certainly not one of an appeal letter. You want to come across as genuine, understanding of your lack of admissions the first time, and most importantly: unique. You spit out a lot of facts and number, but I wouldn’t remember this appeal in the stacks that I’m theoretically reading. I would suggest sitting down at the computer, with no grades/transcripts/thesaurus, and just write why you think you’ve been overlooked and why you should still be admitted. A personal story, experience, etc are the best ways to be remembered, not a list of facts or accomplishments. Personality is key!</p>
<p>Son was rejected by University of Puttsburgh engineering school and he also sent an appeal letter. The letter was much more personal than yours JKID. S had a poor freshman year due to family issues and he plainly stated in the letter. He also explained that once these problems were dealt with he was able to achieve to his fullest potential. We sent an updated transcripts with a 3.9 average for the 7th semester. It is a definite long shot to win an appeal but give it your best shot</p>
<p>In addition to the comments already posted, I suggest you begin with a more positive first sentence. Think of the situation as this: admission committee members are looking to fill its class with good students. You have good news for them!</p>
<p>anything with “have been”, “has been”, “has had”, etc. you have 4 instances of passive voice and 1 redundancy. </p>
<p>I starred what looks questionable. There may be more but I’m not a writing pro. I have it on my mind because of my current grad work.
–I accidentally deleted something in the quote.
The last part is great. Always close by asking for what you want. If you don’t ask you may not get it.