<p>banana, I am asking the question should we break up for the following big reason: Almost everyone at my school is. I am dead serious. One of my close friends is breaking up with this gf despite the fact that they are both going to the same college. People right and left are telling us we should just end it on good terms during the summer and remain friends.</p>
<p>From what I garner, making a long distance relationship work is really about communication. Before you guys left for college, did you and your gf work out a schedule to talk? And how much more time and effort would be required to make this relationship work compared to a normal high school relationship?</p>
<p>I had many friends who started off not wanting to drink...they changed their minds. Some it was immediate, some it was a semester, some until they were 21, but they all changed their minds.</p>
<p>Anyways, LDR's are difficult no matter what, proceed with caution either way. It's not a decision to take lightly.</p>
<p>As I'm sure you know, it's going to be hard. I was dating my boyfriend for about 1.5 years when I went off to college (he was a senior in hs). I think this made it easier in a way--only one of us was changing. I was able to visit at least once a month and he was always around to talk to since he was still just in high school. And we still had things in common to talk about--high school and our shared friends (most of my friends were his also and still seniors). Even with all that, communication started to die. We broke up in January. We never real sat down and talked about how to try and make things work before I left for college--I'd suggest you do that. However, we got back together by the end of March and things have worked great after taking a break; I guess we realized it was worth it and what we needed to do to make it work. Not sure how it's going to work now that he's going to be in college too, but I'd say give it a try. If you don't you'll keep wondering what could've happened.</p>
<p>keeping up a relationship going with a g/f or b/f is like keeping up a friendship with a long-distance friend for a long time -- if you ever lived in one place, then moved away and was able to keep in touch with someone afterwards for a long time, then you know that you have the stuff to keep in touch with your g/f -- i mean do you see youself calling her at least once a week? or chatting online sometime? or e-mailing her occasionally? for 4 years? -- needless to say that all through college people change, and sometimes they change to lose interest in each other -- i tried keeping in touch with some of my friends from school all through college, and it worked only with one person out of a couple I communicated with my freshman year -- not only do people change, but some are just totally unable to keep up any type of long-term communication</p>
<p>may be you shouldn't break up now because your relationship is ongoing and it will be hard emotionally -- but perhaps after the first or second year -- any sort of romantic feelings usually wear down if you don't see the person frequently -- it is "out of sight, out of mind" kind of thing -- and so it will be easier to break up -- but before, both of you have to agree to see new people in college -- look at it as a test of your relationship -- if she doesn't agree to this then you'll know that she might be feeling jealous or needy and even in a year you'll have serious problems initiating a break up -- so i think it all depends on what kind of person your g/f is -- if she's emotional and with a jealous streak then it is best to do it over summer -- if she is more reasonable with her emotions and doesn't get jealous easily, then it is best to put it off and enjoy your summer together</p>
<p>
[quote]
I had many friends who started off not wanting to drink...they changed their minds. Some it was immediate, some it was a semester, some until they were 21, but they all changed their minds.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Everyone has different morals and that's fine. I just think it's misguided when someone says that they were morally against drinking and then they switched in college. That's a result of peer pressure more than anything else, and morals aren't so easily swayed by peer pressure.</p>
<p>
[quote]
From what I garner, making a long distance relationship work is really about communication.
[/quote]
I don't think its just that. Let me ask you a hypothetical question. Suppose you had gone to a different HS -- would you have a girlfriend? I know you can't say yes/no for sure, but I think you see what I'm driving at. A big factor in going out with this specific person (as opposed to dating in general) is proximity.</p>
<p>If you agree with that, the next point is that at college you're surrounded by thousands of eligible single people similar to you in intelligence and many other factors. It's a dating/hookup smorgasborg! And so what often happens is that you realize that you could be spending time with a real breathing person as opposed to a voice on the phone and an email/chat partner. It's not that the person back home isn't just as good, it's just that they're back at home.</p>
<p>In my experience many people break up by the Xmas holidays, and few relationships last out frosh year. This isn't to say yours won't, but it's the way I'd bet. I think the people at your HS are doing the right thing to start college with a clean slate.</p>
<p>I'd also add that college is a time of change/maturing for most people. I hope you don't leave college as the same person you are today except 4 years older. People try new things, develop new interests, abandon ones they thought once defined them. You'll probably do some of this, so will your GF. So it's not certain that even if you went to the same college you'd stay together.</p>
<p>And lastly not that many people leave college these days engaged/married. If you breakup now and stay on friendly terms, who knows what might happen when you finish college. It may seem like a lifetime away when you're 18, but ask someone who's 25 or 30 and they'll tell you it comes quicker than they thought and also that they're not the same person they were in HS.</p>
<p>give it a try...i live in southeast asia and have a friend whose boyfriend went to college when she was a senior (she later went to the same school). that was three years ago, and they're still together.</p>
<p>My ex and I had broken up over a year before I left and he still took it upon himself to stalk me via excessive phone calls at night (when I'd be out partying), asking what I was doing at 2 AM (like, obviously he knew what I was doing) when I didn't answer. We weren't even going out and this crazy character was losing his mind over what I was doing in college, lol. Conversations were as follows: </p>
<p>Him: Bla, bla, bla, you're such a slut, whine, whine whine, kick, scream, tantrum
Me: Um...we're not going out
Him: We can't talk anymore if you won't be my girlfriend
Me: So stop calling me, we broke up a year ago
Him: bla bla bla slut, whore, bla bla bla
Me: Why don't you go get some ass so you can stop being jealous?</p>
<p>I cut off communication a few weeks into college, since he was mentally unstable and freaking insane, haha. He made a few last ditch efforts, full of crazy jealous rhetoric, to talk to me, before I went on a very insulting tirade and got him to leave me alone forever :). Jealousy is messed up. If this girl is a jealous or untrusting person, you should seriously end it now, lol. Crazy ex's are funny for a week, but they get old fast.</p>
<p>I think it really depends on how strong your relationship. If you want it to work give it a try. Most high school relationships don't last, sure there are exceptions, but the majority will end as you grow up and mature. The person you are when you're 16 and 17 years old is drastically different from who you'll be in a few years. When people grow up often they grow apart. </p>
<p>The other question is whether or not you want to be tied down in college. College is a time of change and you shouldn't try and cling to the past.</p>
<p>I say end it. even if you do fine for the 1st semester, by the 2nd semester, someone will mess up and kiss someone else, or meet someone who really intrigues them. Those things happen [ex. one of my friends dated a guy for two years in hs, and by november she had met a new guy (she didn't cheat, at least physically) and started to think of him in a more romantic way. She broke up with her bf because she didn't want to be a bad girlfriend by being with him and having feelings for someone else at the same time. She has been dating the new guy since February.] </p>
<p>Then you will be lying to each other about what you do, there will be trust issues, and it will end way worse than if you had ended it before school started. </p>
<p>And then when you break up in February, one (or both) of you will be regretting missing out on being single during 1st semester. </p>
<p>Most likely you're not getting married or anything, so why stress yourselves by having a strained long distance relationship, where you only get to see each other 2 or 3 times before next summer comes?</p>
<p>Just found this thread now, thought I'd add to it -
Don't break up just for the sake of breaking up. Why ruin something that's good? Take it a day at a time - understand that each of you will be meeting new people (which will bring up trust issues) and that the first month will be light on communication because you'll be busy finding your place in academics and clubs and whatnot.
That being said, every relationship is different. Some will last a lifetime, some will not last a few weeks. Have a good talk before you go and be realistic. There is a chance that one of you will meet someone else and want to end the relationship. What will you do then? It's important to keep an open mind, but not to just call it off because you're going to school. Long distance relationships can be fulfilling, but they also can be hard work.
This is all, of course, just coming from personal experience. I've been in a fantastic relationship since high school, and even though he was a few hours by car apart, we made it work, even with a few rough spots. Just take it little by little, and hopefully you'll either be able to work it out or end it amicably.</p>
<p>Don't worry about it so much. And don't give a rat's bottom that others are all breaking up except unless ofcourse you also want somthing similar unconciously. Think about it and try and analyze the strenght of your feelings for your girl. Go to college with an open mind and try and make it work. If it does, well and good, or else if you'll begin to drift apart, talk about it openly and end it amicable.</p>