Looking for Advice on Boarding School Selections

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>kymomndad, it looks like you have a broad selection of schools to start with. Like many parents on these boards, we visited (and interviewed at!) 14 schools. Applied to eight, accepted at four. All good choices. Narrowed down to two for revisit. Our experience is fairly typical of that of families seeking FA. </p>

<p>Every school was very different. We tossed stats out the window early in the process, because all beat the pants off local options. In the end, certain factors made us look more closely at some, and FA offers by schools that accepted GG narrowed further. If your schedule and budget permits, I recommend a few forays to visit the NE schools. If you plot them on a map, you’ll see that a trip of a few days (or a week if you have the stamina) would enable you to see many (or most) of the schools on your list. </p>

<p>IMO, visiting is really, really important.</p>

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<p>I’d love to visit lots of schools, but realistically I think we can do 3 days out east and 2 in CA, so I have got to narrow it down to between 6-8 schools for visitation. We definitely are wanting to see Emma Willard and Thacher, but want to see as many others as we can. Therefore what I don’t want to do is waste time at a school that is a terrible fit for her or one she has zero chance of getting in when there are so many great schools to go and see.
I’m hoping some parents can look at the description (although limited I know) I’ve given of her and think , “She sounds like someone who would do super at __<strong><em>," or "she would be miserable if she ended up </em></strong>.” I feel like parent experience with their own children and time in the area would give us the most honest and helpful information in deciding which schools are worth additional consideration, and which ones we might want to scratch.
As far as sex/drugs I’d like to plug my ears and close my eyes to anyone telling me it’s everywhere. But, I do realize it is high school, and that’s life. However, from reading about some of the schools, my impression is some schools have a more accepting and even encouraging attitude towards sexualization of the girls (and I mean by the students/girls, not staff) than others. And drugs, sigh… I’ll just say I’d like to find a school where the majority of the kids are high on life and snub this sort of recreation.</p>

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<p>I gave the posts a second scan and have to say that all I know about St. Andrew’s (SAS) does make it seem like a good fit – I’m favorably disposed as a parent, of course, but, objectively speaking, many of your interests are taken into account. Yes, there is a dress code, but it is not onerous and even somewhat “relaxed” I think from the girls’ perspectives. There is little sense that it is a “fashion show” and “Haycock” in warmer months means more casual. VERY oriented toward the outdoors, with pond and large, “secluded” campus with a mile walk/bike ride to stores. Headmaster Roach uses superlatives like “best school in the country for girls”, but my initial skepticism at that has happily turned to substantial agreement. The statement indicates an institutional emphasis, and my sense is that this is an extremely healthy place for girls, though YMMV. I know of one who left midway through a year due to mental health/image issues, but also that when senior boy tried to date freshman girl, the faculty essentially put a stop to it. (As opposed to AE’s hands off approach, according to story of a past parent with children at all three schools.) SAS is small enough that what most would consider “better” choices are proactively sought, rather than retroactively instituted, or simply ignored. Many parents and students before our family’s time there have commented on the nearly drug and alcohol free state of the school, largely due to the strenuous effort to create an alternative culture, one where faculty/students are on the same team and kids find lots of fun through their own ingenuity. The Open Mic night in early winter was livestreamed, you can find it online and see for yourself; it indicates just how busy the kids are entertaining themselves without DA. Practically speaking, the 100% boarding, which OP seems interested in, furthers the healthy culture at SAS. It is true that some seniors go through a period where chafing at the tighter social reins is possible. (Then spring hits and all is well again.) This is not the “college-style” approach of AE and like, but that, imho, is more appropriate for most 14-17 year olds. Feel free to PM for more info on SAS, and there is also the thread for the Parent Resource list to get an “insiders view” at other schools.</p>

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<p>Oh, yeah. SAS seeks the more accomplished generalist than the specialist, and academic interests seem to have priority. Athletically speaking, your daughter will be asked to try a sport, but will find lots of support in that worthwhile endeavor and loads of other kids in the same boat, i.e., not already so developed as athletes on freshmen and JV teams. It’s a very favorable arrangement for the average-skilled athlete, in a small-school sports league where growing into Varsity material is common (Delaware Independent School Conference, mostly day schools). </p>

<p>Finally, the financial aid program is big; half pay full, nearly half get aid (more than most other schools). I don’t think the competition for aid is quite as extreme as for the acronym schools, but aid, how much from whom, is arguably the most mysterious part of what many call a crap shoot admissions game (many more qualified students than seats, etc.) That said, SAS is one of the few schools that says it will meet 100% of need, rather than offer only some of what the calculation says you need. I don’t believe SAS is “need-blind” anymore when considering applications; this year’s admissions wording omits that phrase, which had been there last year.</p>

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<p>+1 I love SAS. It has an awesome headmaster, a close knit community, and a unique “indie” appeal to it.</p>

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<p>Not at all to knock SAS, but in the pursuit of good fit, talk with your daughter about dress code. Really look at the dress code in the handbook. This was a dealbreaker for my daughter. She is a very casual person and dresses in jeans every day. The thought of having to wear dress slacks every day was abhorrent to her.</p>

<p>Even though that could be viewed as a trivial reason to turn up her nose at a wonderful opportunity, to me, I felt it would be much harder for her to make a good adjustment and feel comfortable if every single day she had to put on clothes she didn’t like. And there were lots of schools to choose from with much more liberal dress codes.</p>

<p>Also SAS has required chapel attendance. That was also a dealbreaker for D. I tried to talk her out of that one, because most schools that require chapel only have it once or twice a week for maybe an hour and they try to be sensitive to all religious outlooks. I personally think the Quaker schools and Quaker traditions have a lot to offer, but she didn’t want any part of religious requirements.</p>

<p>These are the sorts of things that nobody on these forums knows about your D. Just now I tried to find actual sports requirement for SAS on their website without success, so before you go further you should find out for sure (call them if you can’t find the info). Sports can be looked at as an area for a child to expand, or it can be an area that makes a student feel horrible rather than good. You have to decide where your child falls.</p>

<p>My D was OK with having to do a team sport maybe one term or one year and other physical activities the rest of the time, to fulfill PE requirements. She was OK with NMH’s requirements, which by the way is a school you should consider (I think it’s already been mentioned).</p>

<p>Personally, with two children having attended boarding school from a very remote area and with no personal experience in that area, I think the little things, the day to day things, are very important in a child making a good adjustment. Students are going to be stretched and challenged in many ways. Having a comfort zone is important.</p>

<p>My D just didn’t like traditional prep school architectureand campus layouts! Other kids probably salivate when they see it. The schools she applied to were Concord, NMH, Putney, and Andover. I didn’t think she’d like Andover because it is more traditional-seeming, but we had the greatest interviewer and we both loved it.</p>

<p>I strongly suggest all FA applicants include at least one of the most generous BS as long as they definitely like the school. That’s why we included Andover. I started this thread last year:
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/1329185-financial-aid-advice.html?highlight=financial+aid[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/prep-school-admissions/1329185-financial-aid-advice.html?highlight=financial+aid&lt;/a&gt;.
Some of the info may be slightly outdated but it’s still a good starting point.</p>

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<p>I am confused by this statement:
“my impression is some schools have a more accepting and even encouraging attitude towards sexualization of the girls (and I mean by the students/girls, not staff) than others”</p>

<p>What exactly are you seeing or hearing? Can you give examples of things pertaining to a particular school?</p>

<p>There are always girls schools if it makes you feel better, but keep in mind that in this day and age being gay is a more public option so there will still be sexuality issues.</p>

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<p>Tons of schools will meet the criteria of challenging her academically. So, based on some of the other things you wrote about her (She loves being outside walking, appreciating, looking. She likes to do outside things which are not competitive sports (like hiking, sledding). However, she is not athletic or competitive and avoids both of these things when she can. She’s one of those odd girls who love pokemon and other math/physics type video games and music (compositions, not trendy), and does not care about popular music, boys, fashion. She is friendly and sweet, but does not run with the trendy crowd because of her interests…) these schools come to mind:</p>

<p>Putney
Westtown School
George School</p>

<p>T</p>

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<p>I was just going to suggest Westtown and George as well as seconding Putney. I wouldn’t get caught up in scores for Putney - they are not big into testing. Look instead at where their graduates go to college and what they do. It’s a very interesting place and by every account, extremely challenging academically. DD applied and was accepted but chose elsewhere but I would have been thrilled if she had gone there. That said, it’s not for everyone.</p>

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<p>All these suggestions are great. After reading the lovely description of your daughter twice, I’d like to add Berkshire.</p>

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<p>Alooknac, This is my impression from reading a couple books on boarding schools. There were examples of older girls coaching and questioning younger girls about their sexual experiences and advice as part of their welcome to school; hazing focused on sex acts (playful in their minds I’m sure); girls not sticking to dress codes/revealing more than they should, among others. These are not first hand examples I have from people I know, just author studies. I realize none of these things are major by themselves, but what I don’t want present is a culture where girls feel pressure to look and act to please boys, and I’m certain there are some schools where this is more present than others.</p>

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<p>Thank you to all of you generous parents for the suggestions and advice. Thank you to those of you who have pm’d me. I have questions for some of you once I’m able to respond.
My plan is to spend time this weekend looking at some of the schools you’ve recommended, and am looking forward to reading about them. It is much more meaningful to look at a school when someone has suggested it with your child in mind.
Thank you</p>

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<p>kymomndad, Thanks for the elaboration about sexualization in BS. I don’t think there’s a single school out there that would condone or turn a blind eye to those behaviors, with the possible exception of laxity in enforcing dress code. Of course, at any school, some things such as conversations about sexual experience can occur without any adult being aware.</p>

<p>As for dress, I have to say that some students dress somewhat outrageously at Putney. It’s a very artsy, avant garde school. I saw a few girls there dressed somewhat skimpily (a tiny minority). But there didn’t seem to be pressure for anyone to be or to dress a certain way; they seem very accepting of a person’s eccentricities. There are way more students in jeans and hiking boots than in lacy tops and hot pants. It’s a really good school for kids who don’t quite fit the mold but families and students have to be prepared to accept others who are different in all kinds of ways.</p>

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<p>@Silvertag is spamming that link. I wouldn’t assume Andover kids wrote those things as those pictures have been found on Google. It’s possible an Andover student is organizing that blog, but don’t take any of it as a representation of Andover</p>

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<p>+100 Alaska</p>

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<p>Numerous threads now, including this one (thanks to Silvertag), point out that BS students are not immune to the range of feelings, pressures, images, etc., that are found in the wider popular culture of teenagers. School leaders are wise to acknowledge this and to take steps to deal with these issues. Parents would naturally want to examine what the schools are doing, instead of assuming that the name of a school ensures their child’s well-being. The student newspapers can be very useful, as above.</p>

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<p>@Charger78 yes I agree. Despite the outstanding records of children who go to prestigious boarding schools, they still have feelings and they are human. However, this link misrepresents Andover because not all the pictures are created by their students, and not necessarily submitted by their students either. I can imagine this being a few students’ project.</p>

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<p>Kymomndad, I repeat my advice to take the SSAT this spring. The SSAT percentiles do not align with percentiles on nationally normed standardized tests. If you search for the words “SSAT national percentiles” in this forum, you will pull up many posts from parents astounded by their children’s SSAT percentiles. It is not uncommon for the “national percentile” to lie in the 90s, but the “SSAT percentile” to be much lower. </p>

<p>It is wise to try to find a group of possible schools to visit. Academic challenge is one criterion. The $80 test fee is about the cost of 20 gallons of gas. Traveling to a school which is either too demanding or not demanding enough for your child is more expensive than one test taken on a Saturday.</p>

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<p>For families in rural areas, the SSAT can involve a lot more than the sign up fee. In our case it also meant a 250 mile round trip drive and a motel room.</p>

<p>I believe that when a student has consistently scored extremely high on standardized tests and has made a decent showing on the SAT while in 7th grade, they will probably score well on the SSAT. If desired, parents can simulate actual test conditions at home and score practice tests.</p>

<p>We did some haphazard prep and some trial runs of a few sections, talked about test taking strategies, etc. My D scored 95th % overall; her lowest score was 87. She had taken the SAT about a year prior and made a very good showing but not outstanding when compared to that very elite testing pool (GT kids in 7th grade).</p>

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<p>Periwinkle, Thank you for the information. I will spend some time looking at the SSAT info and considering whether it would be in our best interest for our daughter to take it this spring. I have heard the ISEE may be more user friendly. Do you have any opinions on this?</p>