Seriously. How do you help you child choose?

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
1

<p>So we were fortunate in the admissions process and my daughter has a choice - between 2 boarding schools and a very good day school here at home. Aaaargh. I shouldn't complain and many have no options, but it is still hard to guide your child through this.</p>

<p>Here is the breakdown:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>A boarding school that we both agree on. She seems to have made a very real connection with the admissions person. We like the ethos of the school and the location.</p></li>
<li><p>A different boarding school. We did not get to visit it, so all of our impressions are from the brochure and the interview. We like what we see, but don't "feel" a connection.</p></li>
<li><p>A local college-prep day school. Many friends will go there, but it is a large school (2000 students) and there is no guarantee she will even see those friends on a daily basis. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>All three are good academically. So what now? Should we go by "feel" assuming all to be good options? Do we choose based on average SAT scores (seems cold)? Do we choose based on best scores on the playing fields?</p>

<p>Slightly compounding the problem, is the fact that now that there are actual offers of admission, the whole "going away to school" thing is a lot more scary for all of us. Exciting, to be sure. But scary! And I say that as someone who went to boarding school and loved it. Somehow it is different when it is your own child going. LOL</p>

<p>So the point to my rambling post: how do you help the child choose? I want this to be her choice as she is the one who needs to "buy in". I have asked her what worries her about going so that we can begin the process of deciding if those are usual/normal concerns or if any are "showstoppers".... any other advice out there?</p>

2

<p>First, revisit. If at all possible, visit or revisit each of the schools to which she was accepted.</p>

<p>Second, ask each of the schools to provide your daughter with contact information for current students - if possible, students with interests similar to hers. She should get in touch with them directly and find out how they feel about their school.</p>

<p>Third, use the “search” function to scour this forum for information about each of the schools.</p>

<p>Fourth, if you feel comfortable doing so, name the schools and we’ll try to help.</p>

3

<p>OK I have done most of that. But we definitely need to plan to attend both re-visit days! I am pretty sure you are right that we need to be “standing in place” at each of them to see how she feels about the place, as well as how she responds to some of the kids – both exisiting students as well as those who would be classmates. </p>

<p>We will do that for sure. </p>

<p>I can’t find too much on each school as they are “hidden gems”, but what little I have found has been positive for both. I guess we need to focus more on “fit” and assume that all 3 schools are good choices academically. In other words, we need to go to the next level – i.e. culture, sports offered, location, etc… </p>

<p>Thank you! It is funny, when you are in the application process you are so very sure what you want, but when the actual choice is facing you, it becomes more challenging!</p>

<p>Never mind that I have to pretend that this is not a 4-year thing! LOL</p>

4

<p>Get back to us after revisits. I say that because I don’t think you’ll need to ask for anyone’s opinion, after revisits. </p>

<p>During a revisit, your daughter will probably visit classes, and you will attend parent events. Use the opportunity to ask questions. There is an old thread about revisits; I try to find it later, when I’m not busy. </p>

<p>If they are tied in your estimation after revisits, (unlikely), choose the school closer to home.</p>

5

<p>I wish there was a “like” button on CC. Thanks everyone!</p>

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<p>London,</p>

<p>Thank you for posting this. I am in the exact same dilemma. 3 schools, one a local prep day, one we have not visited on the opposite coast and one we love a few hours drive away. My daughter has ruled out the day school so the boarding decision is in full effect… While I would love to keep her close, she wants to fully explore her options. The one caveat is we dont know exact FA grant for the distant school so I am hesitant to book a flight to visit a school that we may not be able to afford, the tuition is on the upper end of the spectrum…</p>

<p>We are grateful for the choice of two schools that both appeal to her so well, yet so different from each other.</p>

<p>My husband warned me, I have said enough at this point and we promised to let her decide if all things were equal (easier said than done…)</p>

7

<p>HailuMu: will you know the FA award before re-visit days? I do think it will “make” the decision by going – at this point, I think my daughter is worrying about the small stuff… missing home, friends, etc. I think that if we go to the re-visits, she will meet some exsiting students and/or potential classmates and that issue will go away. it is a huge commitment financially and emotionally, so it is important that all possible tools be utilized. Obviously, you can end up with the wrong choice, but you will feel much better about making it if you can say to yourself that you did all you could to investigate the specifics. </p>

<p>Well, at least that is my story. And I 'm sticking to it! LOL</p>

<p>Good luck to you.</p>

8

<p>Yes, I believe we should find out this week. I think the choice will be made on that revisit trip for sure. My daughter has no qualms about going away…seemed mystified when I mentioned the inevitable homesickness. </p>

<p>Good luck! I hope you and your daughter have fun on revisits and choosing :)</p>

9

<p>My opinion may be a little “unconventional”. Since I assume the schools you are choosing from are of the same calibre and meet your basic requirements about equally (otherwise you wouldn’t have applied or wouldn’t be hesitating in choosing one over others, right?), so as parent I’d be “selfish” and let the kid work within the following parameters: 1. Which offers more financial aid? If not FA candidate, which has the least out of pocket cost, considering tuition, mandatory fees and other unavoidable cost? 2. Which is closer and/or easy to commute? Is there an airport close by? Is it easier to drive back and forth? etc. 3. If a boarder, is there a significant enough boarding population that warrants favourable policies to boarders? Within those parameters, I’d let the kid go revisit and “feel” which is an even better fit.</p>

10

<p>We are in same situation and it is awfully stressful for all of us. We have narrowed it down to 2 schools one academically rigorous day (k-12) and one many hours and states away boarding. My daughter feels the fit at the hours away school but is not sure it is as academic as the day school and she is a smart kid. But she is leary about joining a school as a 9th grader when 2/3 of class has been together for years (shy, not great at making friends). There is a 3rd option of boarding that is academically strong and only 1 hour away but she doesn’t “feel” it the way she does the far away school. BTW 3rd option is best of FA. I feel just ill when I think about her going away and yet I feel that this is her choice and although I prefer the strong academics of the day school, I think her worries are real. We cannot revisit due to needing to make decision on day school or lose the spot. want this over.</p>

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<p>So what are the chances of readmission to the local school if she chooses the far away school and doesn’t want to stay? We have offered the option of trying it for a year and coming home to public school if it really isn’t for her… She would miss out on the local private school as they are usually oversubscribed, but would have the experience of being away. Of course we are pretty sure that once she goes away she will love it and not want to leave. For what it is worth, although I believe it is good for her to go away, I feel ill when I think about it being 4 years. I am keeping all thoughts in the short term. :-)</p>

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<p>@Alden,</p>

<p>I do lean toward your advice. And if it comes down to it, it will be a family discussion. She knows that if the distant school does not offer almost 100% FA it will not work due to the extra costs of travel. It helps that her first choice is the in state school.</p>

<p>But, if the other school does offer significantly higher FA, we will explore that option, although to me, having her close seems worth the tuition.</p>

13

<p>Just to offer a different point of view. My sons went away as juniors. I liked that age because I felt they were more secure in themselves and able to handle the stress of being away from home with the high academics and social challenges. But it does really depend on the child. Mine were not ready before. However it means entering prep school in the hardest year so there is a trade off. No one answer fits all. You have to do what feels right for YOUR child.
As for choosing the school, I remember with our first son it was so stressful. It came down to the very last day before we chose and in the end we told him to choose the school where he felt the most comfortable. But the revisit days were very important. We did joke afterwards that whichever one you visited last, was the one you would choose because they do such a good job on selling you on the school.</p>

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<p>@london: If she could show a respectable transcript and good teacher comments after her first year at BS, the chances of her getting re-admitted to the local schools are high. I speak from personal experience. DS was re-admitted for 10th grade by two great local private schools that initially admitted him a year ago but were turned down for a BS. Furthermore, they offered finanicial incentives that weren’t there in the initial offers. Eventually, DC chose to stay in BS, but it was nice and re-assuring to have that option available at the time when there seemed to be some uncertainties about the choice although looking back it was mostly just “parental anxieties”.</p>

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<p>@London,</p>

<p>Oh, how I can relate to your situation! It echoes what we are going through right now. Nor do I find your post rambling as you stated. Misery loves company as for the first few days after we received the acceptance email, there were ten thousand questions going through my head, mostly what if’s. I have full exhaled since then!</p>

<p>But I cannot proceed without saying how my heart goes out to the parents and kids who were waitlisted or denied. It is frustrating to invest so much time, diligent effort, and heart into a process and then be denied. So may wonderful and talented candidates and just not enough room. I pray that the candidates will try and remember they should define themselves by what’s in their hearts and souls rather than being defined by a single piece of paper. </p>

<p>We were admitted to one of the Go Big schools and an excellent local private day school that also offers similar opportunities (abroad studies, etc) as most boarding schools. Unfortunately, we did not receive one drop of financial aid but I am able to pick up extra work (and a lot of it will be needed if we decide to attend). </p>

<p>A few months back, my child lost all enthusiasm for attending BS but was reignited recently after reviewing all the acceptance emails and acceptance package. The acceptance letter, while I’m sure was mass produced, did specifically address the qualities of why my child was admitted. I, too, was deeply touched that they recognized these talents as I do.</p>

<p>Yesterday, we discovered that the school does not allow students to take more than one foreign language at a time. My child has invested five years in one of two of the foreign languages presently studying. The other language an investment of 1 ½ years. Now, a 3rd difficult foreign language will be added this summer and can be continued on at Johns Hopkins CTY during the school year. I am absolutely awed at my child’s ability and extraordinary propensity for learning foreign languages at this rate, and how much enjoyment garnered from learning the languages. </p>

<p>Ironically, the boarding school recognized it too but policy will NOT allow additional languages the 1st two years, and the 3rd language is not allowed study until senior year. This is because of the academic workload.</p>

<p>So, now we will have to decide in the next few days whether we should continue the boarding school process solely based on the languages. Giving up two of the languages is now presenting a problem for my child who thrives and on learning languages and is now, again, leaning towards staying home and just adding CTY. </p>

<p>We are truly, truly blessed to have such wonderful local opportunities but there is no doubt that the boarding school experience is no comparison to our local private option, no matter how excellent the local option is.</p>

<p>So, London 203, I feel your pain. And how I agree with you when you say in the application process you’re sure what you want but when facing the actual choice, there are so many challenging issues. </p>

<p>We will make our decision in the next few days, one way or another. If my child continues to feel very strongly about continuing the languages with no interruption then we will relinquish our seat to another eager candidate. It is the fair thing to do and consider reapplying for junior year where there won’t be a language restriction.</p>

<p>Good luck to you, London. We are kindred spirits in this challenging process!</p>

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<p>^^first of all, my sincere congratulations on having choices. However, having choices does prove that adage, “answered prayer” (being more difficult than unanswered prayers). In your – famtree – case, I would really think hard about your idea of considering reapplying for junior year. While some do it, you and your child seem very academically inclined and with that in mind are you willing to take a chance of so many things going wrong (adjustment to harder academics in most cases, adjustment to new people/loss of old friendships, lack of connection to teachers that may be crucial for rec letters) in the very important junior year? Base the decision of BS vs day school on the idea that your kid will go through the entire HS career, it will crystallize your choices.</p>

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<p>Well said mhmm!</p>

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<p>Famtree: good luck! I am truly impressed… I speak only words of a second laguage… not whole sentences!</p>

<p>I guess you have considered the fact that if your child is that gifted at languages, that he/she can return to the study of them at a later point and have immediate success? I mean, part of the point of going away to school is to experience the NON-academic aspects of doing so. Learning to be on your own, living in a small room with someone you may or may not like, meeting others from around the world (from whom he/she may learn more language)…doing your laundry when others are out playing frisbee on a sunny day… that sort of thing is a critical part of the experience and one part that can be overlooked while addressing academic affairs.</p>

<p>I went to boarding school myself, and LOVED it. So much so that 2 years would not have been nearly enough time for me and, I suspect, it would have drastically changed my opinion. Also – junior year everywhere is considered the hardest year. To have to ajust to being away etc at the same time could be overwhelming. Maybe not… that is down to the child.</p>

<p>Anyway, just my two cents. I know the launguages are something your child loves. The study of them can return. He/She can do them on her own in her free time online… but the boarding school LIFE experience cannot be duplicated outside those walls.</p>

<p>Good luck with your decision, and know that whatever we all say on this board: YOU KNOW BEST for your child. Listen to your heart, but let your head get a word in!</p>

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<p>While the boarding experience can be amazing, I’m not sure it trumps a passion like your child’s. Plenty of kids apply to BS so they can study things they are not able to study at home.</p>

<p>Your child’s passion and talent for languages is unique and will bring many opportunities for travel etc - I wouldn’t discount it. Some BS will work with kids who have unique talents to allow them to fully develop that talent (ie independent study). Maybe another talk with a dean is in order to confirm there will be no exceptions.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the insightful and interesting remarks to my post. Let me say, though, that studying languages for my child is not a casual pursuit. And while you can put languages down and pick them up later, presently it’s an all-important pursuit for an aspiring linguist who does not take their pursuits lightly. </p>

<p>Though, the experience of boarding school cannot be duplicated, thousands of other kids go on to perfectly wonderful and balanced lives experiencing wonderful opportunities that the world has to offer albeit not boarding school. I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I had had the opportunity but with that said, my life didn’t turn out too shabby. :)</p>

<p>Although, boarding school is a world of its own with delights, disappointments, independence, and non-academic experiences, it is but one of a broad spectrum of child life experiences. There is the satisfaction of slices of independence when kids partake in the summer programs at the boarding schools. For some kids, those summer programs are enough, and they are satiated for those moments of desired independence. When DC goes away to full language immersion for part of the summer, there will be that tiny slice of total independence!  </p>

<p>Academic decisions change. Who knew we would ever even consider boarding school and leave our present private school? Who knows what the fates have in store by the time we reach junior year? We all make present-day plans based on our cracked crystal ball but plans don’t necessarily come to fruition when they are reassessed in the future.</p>

<p>I have to admit that I like CC as it always provides so much information about the insightful folks my child and I may encounter and spend time with at boarding school! Much appreciated! </p>

<p>And as I say my final good-bye to CC prep school, good luck to all in the decisions you will make in the best interests of your kids!</p>