Hi Forum,
My daughter was expelled, along with 3 of her classmates. The school will not let her finish the year remotely. We are looking into alternative high schools at home where she can finish. My main question is, does anyone have any advice about possible schools to apply to for next year? Will any schools take her with an “withdrawn” on her record? Are any schools even accepting candidates at this point? If so, how quickly do we need to apply? Suggestions for describing the “interruption”. : (
She did very well academically first and second semester and then, not sure what happened – made some dumb and bad choices and focused less in some of her classes. A few of her teachers told me they would be happy to provide very positive recommendations.
Any advice and insight would be most appreciated!
Here is a list of schools still accepting applicants. https://www.boardingschoolreview.com/openings-rolling-admissions-boarding-schools
I’d go back and speak to Local Public School about finishing up in summer school, then I’d relook at my options quickly for online, public and private schools. Good Luck. Never an easy task.
@cowanddog I am so sorry to hear about your situation. Brings me back to getting the dreaded call myself- “to come pick your daughter up, now!” First of all I want to say that this is not that uncommon and the best thing you can do is to try to help your daughter grow from the experience. The first time our daughter was asked to leave, we went immediately home and enrolled her in our local public school. We had the prior school send over her records and they used the grades in her semester gpa calculation. She was s freshman- so there weren’t to many classes that didn’t transfer.
In our story, our daughter left the same BS again the following year mid February. This time, we enrolled her in accredited online classes through BYU to keep her on track for graduating.
Neither of the times she was asked to leave, showed up on her record as being kicked out, rather voluntary withdrew. She finished her high school years at a local public school. She is going great now and is a happy, mature college junior at a top college (that is a good fit).
Over the years, we have see many of our kids friends, and classmates leave BS prematurely. They have all taken different paths (new BS, local public, private day or homeschool). I would investigate all your options and make the best choice for your family. And lastly, hug your daughter and know that kids do make dumb mistakes and that they should not define them for the rest of their lives.
Its not uncommon to have a BS call and tell you to pick your kid up now??? They actually kick kids out for doing dumb kids things and making minor bad decisions or losing some focus? Hmmm.
@NEPatsGirl: They separate kids who break rules clearly spelled out in the school’s handbook and communicated to the student body verbally over and over every year, in and out of class. Some boarding schools are one-strike, some are two-strike but no one, neither students nor parents, is unclear about a school’s policies or consequences for infractions. At Choate, each student signs their copy of the handbook fully understanding what the school expects in terms of behavior. When you agree to abide by the rules, you are also agreeing to abide by the consequences for breaking them.
Someone here went through this last year. Was it you @Garandman (and apologies is my feeble brain has mixed you up with someone else.).
@cowanddog , a lot of how you move forward will depend on what your D did, why, and whether she is prepared to accept responsibility, etc. Nobody wants to take a kid who is on the repeat offender track, but most recognize that kids make bad choices, BS have to respond quickly and decisively, and that most kids turn themselves around after this kind of scare.
@gardenstategal - good memory. Below is a link to the the thread from @garandman last year. @cowanddog This is a link to the last page where the OP sums up lessons learned. You can go back to read the entire thread too.
There will be plenty of good schools that would be a good fit for your DD where she could get a great education. Kids make mistakes, and schools know that.
I know it feels tough now, but I’m sure you can find one that is an excellent match. All sorts of things come up that make spaces available.
You might be well-served by hiring an educational consultant. The personal connections they have and experience with the schools could help you identify good possibilities and make a good introduction for your daughter.
Thank you for your help, forum members. I appreciate your advice.
I am still surprised every time I hear of a kid leaving school…but it happens often enough that I shouldn’t be surprised.
@ChoatieMom wrote, " but no one, neither students nor parents, is unclear about a school’s policies or consequences for infractions. This jives with what our school told us - when they have to make THAT CALL, kids never say that they didn’t know the rules, they say, “I didn’t think I would be caught.”
Best of luck to you and your child @cowanddog .
I hear stories about kids being kicked out spring semester of senior year.
I feel saddest for the kids who do something stupid right before graduation and are not allowed to walk in graduation. Instead they are shamed and have to get their diploma in the mail if they are lucky enough to get that. Kids make mistakes. I don’t think there is any mistake big enough to take away their getting their high school diploma with classmates. Take away prom, take away other things but not that.
Was the dismissal for academics or some behavior away from academic performance? Does you daughter want to go back to another BS and his she contrite about what occurred and willing to ensure it won’t happen again? Those are just some of the questions I would want to know if I was another school being considered.
I have seen kids expelled right up to the night prior to graduation… and missing the diploma walk is not even the worst case scenario. It is often the BS’s policy to notify the intended college, and sometimes, the college actually chooses to withdraw its offer of admission. It really does happen. In fact, it happened this year to two families that I know personally. Kids do make dumb choices sometimes. And the schools generally do not take breaking the rules, especially major school rules, lightly.
I’m so sorry that your family is going through this, @cowanddog. I hope that you find a school for your D that’s a good fit and that she can learn and move on from this soon.
Respectfully, I disagree, especially when it comes to endangering the safety of others. I know of a student who was expelled after he stalked another student (following a break-up), made threats and became physically violent. When a student’s “mistake” puts someone else at risk, missing graduation should be the least of their problems.
Y’all are scaring me. What kinds of things do kids get kicked out for? Going to have to have a serious talk with Lizardkid before he goes so he knows how serious discipline is at BS.
Varies by school. Make sure both he and you read through the student handbook.
I was really helped by hearing a couple of BS moms discussing “getting the call.” In their cases it was for minor drug infractions with consequences of mandatory 3 day suspension. When mom is 2000 miles away that is a major big deal. I immediately had a talk with my freshman D. Even though we had both read the handbook, this particular clause had not jumped out at us. I didn’t expect that D would be a drug offender, but it was a wake up call to remove herself immediately in the presence of drugs.
And yes, there are offences where it is appropriate to expel a senior and it happened at D’s school. The rest of the kids would have been up in arms if they thought it was undeserved.
@cowanddog Sorry for your situation. Lots of good ideas have been provided above. Another possibility, if appropriate and affordable, would be a therapeutic BS. There are some that are not lockdown type places, but are highly structured supportive programs. I have had interactions with some of their senior students at our cc and social functions and am very impressed.
MODERATOR’S NOTE:
The questions about one strike vs two strike can easily be found in student handbooks, as will a list of infractions and the consequences. The topic has been discussed here before, so one can search. Alternatively, one can start a new discussion.
For this thread, though, OP really does not want to hear about other kids getting kicked out. S/he’s asking for advice for his/her kid. Let’s focus, please.