I don’t see the harm in going to lunch with him. It’ll be in a public place, and if he ever shows through his words or actions that his intentions are inappropriate, then you’ll be able to stop it and never see him again. I don’t really think it’s fair to assume that his intentions are inappropriate, especially if you’re a foreign student and he may just want to be hospitable or if he thought that you were a good student (as your emails would indicate) and wants some interesting conversation.
Ok, slight threadjack. When I got my job offer as a senior in college, I hit it off immediately and strongly with the man who hired me, who was the head of the department. He was about 38 and I was 21 - he was married, I was engaged. After I accepted the job, he called me and invited me to dinner. I specifically remember agonizing over what do I wear - do I look business-y or date-y - and we went to a place that kind of felt date-like - it wasn’t a casual public place. Absolutely nothing untoward happened, but I do know that through the years we’ve had an unspoken “if we were both unattached, there could have been something” vibe between us that neither has acted on. I wonder if it was inappropriate of him to ask me in the first place? Was that appropriate or weird?
Trust your gut. If you do decide to go, tell someone where you are going and stay in a public place, leave if it gets uncomfortable. This is a borderline situation.
It sounds like you really want to go, so just go. Most likely nothing inappropriate will happen, and if something does, you can always decline. It’s really not that big of a deal.
Threadjack welcome, pizzagirl. My opinion is not worth much, but I’m going to give it to you anyway. It is very normal for a new hire to be given a “celebratory dinner” by the person hiring and/or the recruiter. As long as it’s not in their house, I would say the dinner is not inappropriate. The vibes however I cannot speak for.
Back to my original thread. One person has told me it is possible he may want to give me some type of summer work. I did cause some small waves in the English community (very small waves though, how he could possibly find out I haven’t a clue) because of a research paper I wrote and receiving A+ in my English classes. Perhaps he is looking for some quick, cheap labor? He doesn’t do research though. Is that a possibility…what kind of help could a non-researching professor need that can’t be given by colleagues?
Could you go out for coffee instead of lunch, if you do go? More casual, possibly more public, and easier to finish if it gets weird or awkward and you need to bail, and you can pay for yourself each, avoiding that possibly awkward exchange.
Accept the invitation to lunch, but tell him you need to bring a friend because you are “lousy” with directions. See what you get for a response, then gauge your reaction.
If he wants to talk about summer work or research paper, he could ask you to come over during office hour, there is no reason to have a meal together. Having a meal with someone is rather intimate. You find out a lot of personal information about someone when you have meal together. If I were in his position I don’t think I would invite a young student out to have a 1:1 unless there is a very good reason.
My kids have studied abroad, no professor has invited them out for a 1:1 meal.
I worked in Wall Street for 25+ years. I have seen too many sexual harassment incidents. My older daughter is in the same business now, and she is very careful with her clients and her colleagues. The good thing is her boss is very protective of her. He would move her seat at dinner if he saw clients getting too aggressive.
What could the harm possibly be in having lunch with a professor?
Public place, bring a friend, trust your gut. Chances are it’s perfectly fine, but keep your wits about you just in case.
The only professor who asked me about my personal life while i was in college, worked his way up to asking me out. My gut feeling was that he was interested in me. It sounds like you might be having the same gut feeling. Is he someone you want to know better?
It does sound weird, not because he is male and you are female, but also because you are no longer his student and his field does not match yours. I’d actually be equally worried if he were a she, a female professor who taught me in a large class and barely got beyond hello and what’s your background.
One thing I would not discount is if you have similar religions, I know that culturally some people are more likely to want to interact over lunch than in an office. Heck, the guy might have a teenaged son he is looking to find a spouse for 
As for offering chocolates, I would say that is along the line with offering to buy you lunch. Offering food to someone in the US is not the same as in many cultures, in a way, it’s an insult to some people to say “can we meet in my office?”. Professors who have chocolate or candy in their office often offer it to students to be polite. Okay, so if he took the chocolates out of a drawer or his bag, that is kind of different than if they were on his desk.
It is also possible if you were kind of shy and awkward when talking to him, he does just want to make you more at ease on campus.
Tell me, if a 40 year old asked you out to lunch, maybe one of your father’s friends, would you say yes if there was no reason to go to lunch with him other than to be polite? But if perhaps you were in civil engineering, and you were talking to a friend of your father’s and he was a civil engineer, would that not be more appropriate to have lunch with him to talk about civil engineering?
(as long as others said, it’s in a public place?)
I’d be cautious enough to drop him and email and say “thanks for the lunch invitation - I wanted to know that I’m interested in your field, but I’m probably going to focus on my own major” - that is, imply that you were going to talk about academics, and see what his response is. Possible response: that’s too bad, I think you might be able to double major in my field, and wanted to talk to you about that. Other possible response: I wasn’t looking to talk to you about academics. Latter could mean more of the same conversation - family, religion, background - but if you are uncomfortable, I would not pursue that.
In the US, there is no reason to have to say yes to a lunch date just because he is a professor. I am not sure what you would get out of it or want to get out of it. The only caveat is if there is something he could give you, like if he was on a committee at the university to help international students, or had a summer job available.
Maybe I’m naive but I still don’t see the big deal if they meet for coffee at a public place. She can then tell whether he has a prurient interest or not.
What’s the big deal? If he mashes you, put the kibosh on it immediately.
What drama.
Both of my kids had lunch with their favorite professor so it’s not a big deal. But of course it was in public place and their school policies also embraced it.
It’s just personal safety, you know. Such drama.
O_O Maybe it’s a female thing, to have to be more aware of who’s a threat to you.
Who, in their right mind, would NOT meet - in - a - public - place in this sort of situation?
I’m female and have a female child and I am totally with @JustOneDad on this - too much drama and overanalyzing. Jeesh, it’s surprising that anyone makes a kind gesture these days…
Does that matter?? If he hits on her or feels her up or tries to kiss her (just throwing out worst case scenarios), being in a public place isn’t going to help it NOT HAPPEN. It will still have happened. She will still have experienced it. Sure being in public is better than going to his house. But risking things in public isn’t better than not risking them at all.
She said their interactions have been tense and awkward and that there isn’t really a clear reason for the invite. That’s sketchy as heck. As other posters have said, going out to a meal is personal. Intimate. I would be more suspicious of this “nice gesture.”
Oh good lord. He’s not going to kiss her or feel her up in the middle of Starbucks with a dozen people nearby.