Thank you for your answers, everyone. I thought about this a lot and realizing I’m thinking too hard and too much about this, I don’t even know what my grades this semester will be with midterm season coming up, but of course I’m just going to aim for that A as always. And yes, my mother was an immigrant child and my father was just dirt poor, that’s how he makes it out to sound anyway because his parents now are pretty well off.
Also I wanted to mention that I am a film major at LBSU and I don’t plan to go to graduate school, so I personally don’t think I need the straight A’s, I know I’m doing good it’s just that the pressure my parents always put on me drives me nuts and not only that but growing up, I wasn’t allowed to have any fun outside of school. My parents are strict in general and have always been like that, so going away to college was the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I am free here to make my own choices and not have to ask for permission to go hang out with someone.
Here’s some good news though that I found out this morning when I woke up-
I have gotten two interviews for summer camp jobs that pay for travel and housing along with a salary! It also counts as a sort of internship because I will be teaching film and editing to young children, so if you think I’m not trying to get out this situation, I am trying!
3.4 is good for a freshman first semester…you are getting used to college and how much you need to study for your classes.
I would suggest to you that you too are working your way through school…but this is your job…the job of keeping your parents informed. It is the price you have to pay to get school payed for.
You could give them access to your grades online and then stop taking their calls.
@probablyanaztec I know something about the prospects of student film majors. For most post college positions the real world experience you have during college is far, far more important than your grades. Do you have a sense of what you would like to do in film? Do you want to be on the tech side, editing? Writing? There are jobs out there but they are highly competitive. My guess is that your parents have no idea what it takes to get work in this world. You need to figure it out and then have a frank discussion with them. A super high GPA isn’t going to do it. Are there production companies near your school where you can work or intern? You should look at internships for the coming summers as well. If you can manage them in NY or LA even better. You need to be incredibly proactive. Its possible that if your parents understand that YOU understand what it takes to succeed and see that you are making real progress they will relax a bit and trust you more. If you want to talk more about this. IM Me.
OP, are your parents something approaching reasonable when you try to talk to them? Have you ever tried to figure out why they are so fixated on you getting perfect grades (rather than just good grades?) What about data - do they respond to that? You could show them, for example, that the average GPA to get into even the very best grad programs (like MBAs at elite schools, for example) is probably somewhere around what you already have.
Is there a financial strain in sending you to the college you attend? Are your parents maybe so stressed about sending you to $$$ college that they’re lashing out with this ridiculous grade requirement? Not an ideal situation, but at least you would understand.
Whatever the case, though, I don’t recommend lying to your parents. While it is technically illegal for the school to show your records under most circumstances, 1) I think a lot of schools can get around this if your parents are paying and/or claim you as a dependent on their taxes and 2) some schools still circumvent FERPA in interesting ways.
I agree that getting support from an advisor or counselor is a good idea as well.
It’s unclear to me when ‘your day’ was, but even years ago it was much easier for young adults with no college education to get a full-time job that paid enough to live on, find an inexpensive apartment with some roommates and live meagerly. (And smoking rates were much higher). This was never a particularly good way to turn people out into the world, but it’s especially not that way now; the unemployment rate for high school graduates is more than twice that of college grads; rent has increased faster than the minimum wage. It’s not the same as it was back then - it’s far harder for young people to get turned out now.
Not everybody has friends whose couch they can sleep on or friends or relatives that can lend or give them money until some pay day that’s far into the future and probably not enough to both repay a loan and pay rent. There also aren’t inexpensive youth hostels everywhere; the city I grew up in didn’t (and does not) have any youth hostels, and the cheapest youth hostel I can find in my current city is $88/night, which will cost you over $2,400 a month. The minimum wage around here ($11.50/hr) will make you $1,840/month. On-campus summer jobs usually don’t pay enough to cover housing, much less enough to cover both housing AND savings to move to a more permanent apartment. Homeless shelters already don’t have enough beds and have a whole set of other issues they come with.
These are not excuses; they are legitimate reasons. This isn’t ‘getting soft,’ this is realizing that this is a pretty extreme response for a teenager looking for help to talk to her parents about grades. Sure, eighteen-year-olds grow quickly all the time if they have to, but it’s not ideal, and I don’t think it’s particularly helpful to jump to that as a solution. Even in the worst case scenario where OP has to leave their college, do we really think it’s better for them to go find a homeless shelter or struggle to live in a youth hostel than live at home without driving and attend a local community college?
@juliet Sometimes the hovering, pressure, overreactions and catastrophizing can be abusive. Sometimes it’s about control.
The OP needs to decide how bad it is, what’s healthy and who owns their life. I don’t think my response was extreme at all. At some point you own your life and the financial support you receive from abusive parents isn’t worth the acrimony. Just KNOWING that there is an alternative can be empowering. I think the OP needs to stop living in fear and take ownership of his or her life now, irrespective of potential parental reaction. If the parents reaction is indeed extreme, then removing oneself from the situation is worthy of serious consideration. Doing what the parents want is another viable possibility, but without the fear. It’s the living with constant nagging and abuse that I think is unhealthy.
Don’t lie to your parents. Tell them you’re doing your best and ask them to back off a bit. They sound super controlling with the not allowing you to drive thing and the hounding. Maybe you would be better off self-supporting and putting yourself through school. It’s not impossible. I lived out of my car for a while, couch surfed, house sat for wealthy people, got jobs that provided housing. Maybe get a little part time job now just to get your feet wet. It must be hard to feel like an adult while you’re dealing with this.