<p>Powereddie, you're getting closer but still drifting negative.
"Although I realize this is probably an unorthodox request, is there any way that my application can be reconsidered for the class of 2009? Or would I have to re-apply next year? " Simplify and make this positive. Something along the line of "I would like to request that you reactivate my 2004 admission so that I could attend Barnard in 2005." </p>
<p>I would also expand on what you're doing in Thailand and how it has shaped your world view, personal view, college view -- whatever is true and pertinent. A little emotion is in order here.</p>
<p>And do put in that part about calling (and call!). This is a complex situation. You need to articulate your position personally. Remember Barnard likes forceful females.</p>
<p>agreed this experience should make you a more desirable candidate than you were right out of high school.</p>
<p>Just one very minor thing, <em>I made a mistake in rejecting a place at Barnard</em>...maybe try "I made a mistake in not accepting a place at Barnard". For some reason that word "rejecting" bothers me the way you have it.</p>
<p>Last draft. This is probably the one I'm sending:</p>
<p>I was granted admission last year to Barnard, but turned down your offer and decided not to attend. Instead of attending college immediately, I took a gap year and went to Thailand to teach English in a public primary school. This has given me quite a bit of time to reconsider my priorities and my choices, and a different perspective on my life. Teaching groups of 45 children in which I only know the names of the loud ones has shown me the importance of small classes. Living in a remote provincial town has shown me how enriching living in a city is. Being with only one other English-speaking person has shown me how I much I cherish and enjoy debate and disucssion. My time in Thailand has helped me mature into into a more independent young women. I believe I now have more to offer Barnard, and Barnard has more to offer me. During the past months, I've come to regret my decision, and to believe that I made a mistake in not accepting a place at Barnard.
Although I realize this is probably an unorthodox request, I would like to request that you reactivate my 2004 admission so that I could attend Barnard in 2005.
Sincerely,
powereddie</p>
<p>Personally, I really dislike the word reactivate, but there aren't many possible substitutions for it. Try: "..request, please allow me attend Barnard this fall" ? Just me being pedantic, though.</p>
<p>A few notes: "..independent young woman"
"and gain a different perspective"</p>
<p>I think your letter is wonderful - you explained a very good reason for not accepting their offer to you. I think I would recommend you could word your request as - ''request reconsideration of my application............'' - You may find that your original application is still on file there - may be a good idea to find that out - if not you may have to do a complete reapplication to the school.</p>
<p>BTW - this is not such an unusual situation - happens often - my friends son had a very similar situation - reapplied and was accepted again. I wish you good luck - and please let us know how you make out with your request.</p>
<p>It doesn't seem like you would even need to reapply or write to them, since you did not enroll at another school, but you should just make certain and contact them. Your email seems to be the best method. G'luck.</p>
<p>It's better, but I think you still sound very negative. It sounds to me like you're not enjoying your experience in Thailand because all you've done is complain about it (town too small, don't like being only English speaker, large classes are bad)! I'd edit it this way...</p>
<p>Last year, I was granted admission to Barnard, but decided to defer college for a year to pursue a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to teach English in a public primary school in Thailand. This experience has given me quite a bit of time to consider my priorities and choices, and renewed my interest in the kind of education that's possible at a place like Barnard in a city like New York. My time in Thailand has helped me mature into into a more independent young woman, ready to make the most of my education in a way that would not have been possible before my trip.</p>
<p>I am writing to inquire about your procedures for admission under these circumstances. Specifically, is it possible to reactivate my 2004 admission so that I could attend Barnard in 2005? </p>
<p>Sincerely,</p>
<p>--------Your version sounds like you're miserable, you made a mistake and you can't wait to leave Thailand. If I were the admissions officer, I'd tell you what the procedure is - and then stick your email in the file for later. I'm being very honest with you -- it sounds like you're a whiner and I would reject you because I'd be nervous about your ability to adjust to college life and be happy.</p>
<p>Powereddie, Don't you hate it when you ask for advice and when you get it, it means you have to do more work? :>)</p>
<p>Seriously, I think you're making great progress on articulating your situation and the above posters have given you good advice on refining, refining and refocusing. I still think a followup telephone call is in order. This is a complicated situation and the person receiving your message may not want to take the time to give you a written response. You're the one who's asking for special consideration, so you're the one who has to go the extra mile.</p>
<p>I'm going to drop out of this thread but wish you luck. Please let us know how it turns out.</p>
<p>Just out of curiosity, what's the school that you DID accept and why are you negative on it? Maybe knowing your reasons for not liking college A would help focus your reasons for now preferring Barnard.</p>
<p>To me topcat's version is technically better but sorry I think it's generic, comes across as boring, and sounds like an older person wrote it.</p>
<p>powereddie, I'd fine tune your essay. I vote for your essay over topcat's for the main reason that it sounds like someone your age wrote it (this is NOT meant as an insult). It's interesting, you gave reasons for your decision, I agree it could use a little work but overall I like it.</p>
<p>I hope it all works out for you. You have a lot to offer Barnard.</p>
<p>233 -- I see what you're saying and don't disagree entirely. She definitely should rewrite in her own words and tone. Just wanted to give her some help with putting a positive spin on the situation. Admissions folks are unlikely to be impressed with someone who had such an amazing opportunity -- and instead of getting something good out of it -- decided it was all a big mistake, can't be around people who don't speak English, can't hack classes with more than 45 people, nothing to do in this dumb village. Not to mention that she's just needs a little advice about their procedures so why risk sharing all this extraneous stuff. That's my opinion. I'm an adult - just like the admissions folks - and I do not think this version reflects well on the writer.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I was granted admission last year to Barnard, but turned down your offer and decided not to attend.
During the past months, I've come to regret my decision, and to believe that I made a mistake in not accepting a place at Barnard.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Powereddie, your letter sounds like it's very near a final draft, good job!! i still feel that you should tone down the above 2 sentences that don't put you in a good light. Instead of "turned down your offer....." , try something like, I had some issues to sort out, and the opportunity to teach in Thailand was the perfect way to take a gap year before college. (or some such) Avoid saying "turned down".</p>
<p>Also, "I've come to regret my decision...." is not necessary at all.</p>
<p>I sent it out, because it seemed like I could only really improve on small issues, and I wanted to get it out as soon as possible. If they don't answer it by Tuesday, I'll call.</p>
<p>Thanks for the help. I'll let you know what happens.</p>