<p>Thumper - you said it better than I did....
There's no way to make your kid love any particular school. But you can encourage them to keep looking and looking until they have found schools they'd love to attend in the safety, match, and reach categories.</p>
<p>Good advice on a personal level also, Thumper1. Marry someone you've fallen in love with, not try to fall in love with someone you've married.</p>
<p>My kid applied to safeties because she had to, not because she would have been happy going to those schools. At the end of the day, you settle to go to your safety. I ackowledged that with my daughter and did not try to make her pretend what it was not. Sometimes we don't always get to love what we are dealt with. The ability to move on and to make the best of a situation is also a very important part of life.</p>
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<blockquote> <p>My kid applied to safeties because she had to>></p> </blockquote>
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<p>My kids applied to safeties also. In my opinion EVERYONE has to apply to them (sometimes for admittance reasons, sometimes for financial reasons). But...with the 3000 some odd colleges in this country, it should be possible to find more than one school where your admittance prospects are HIGH (aka safety) that you also would be happy attending. If you are happy with your choices, you are not "settling". It's only that way if you aren't happy with the choices to begin with.</p>
<p>Just my humble opinion.</p>
<p>I think financial safeties should be stressed too. I ended up unbelievably lucky with my financial aid situation, but if I had only gotten into my safety school the financial aid situation would be unfortunate, to say the least. In retrospect I should have applied to UMass, my state flagship too. I hate big schools and frats and big sports and all that, but not being able to afford to go to college would be worse.</p>
<p>My bright, ambitious, quirky D happily chose her safety over her reachier acceptances. She would be highly offended if anyone suggested that she was "settling" and I sort of resent the insinuation as well.</p>
<p>Different kids look for different qualities in a school. If you're thorough and a little lucky, you can even find those qualities in your safety.</p>
<p>Kids who have there goal set as to which college they are going to are very misguided. The #1 thing the parents should be encouraging their kids with is their goals. No college; even Harvard, Yale, Princeton, etc... should be an individual's GOAL. The college or university is a TOOL to help them achieve their goal. Whether it's being a doctor, lawyer, scientist, engineer, artist, etc.... If their GOAL is a particular school, then they don't have very high goals. If parents would help their kids develop REAL GOALS, then which school they got into wouldn't be that important. Getting the education and working towards their GOALS would be what's important. Then they wouldn't be discouraged if 4 out of the 8 schools they applied to turned them down. Plus, they'd put into perspective the "TOOL" (The School). They wouldn't automatically assume that a $20,000 to $100,000 debt was worth it.</p>
<p>Again, the college or university you attend should NOT be your goal. Your goal should be the profession you want to go into; the type of family and friends you want to establish as your own; the part of the country or world that you want to live in; the enjoyment you want to attain out of this world which could easily end for any of us tomorrow due to injury or illness; the mark you want to leave on the world and the people around you. Those are where your GOALS she be and be directed towards. Instill these beliefs and understandings into your children and it won't matter if they go to Harvard or the University of Wherever. They will be happy because they know they are working towards their goals.</p>
<p>Maybe this is not true for everyone, but many kids(families) do view reach, match, and safety as first choice, second choice and third choice.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I agree that some families view college choices this way. BUT I will say...my daughter's reach was her FOURTH choice and one of her safeties was second. She applied to two match schools....one was her favorite. However, all of these schools shared the traits she was looking for in a school...strong sciences, an orchestra to continue playing in, good accessibility to the faculty, nice weather, and a different part of the country to experience. She was looking for these things...not any one school...or any school in any order. </p>
<p>Why does everyone assume that a reach school would always be someone's first choice?</p>
<p>I will add that my son also got accepted into a school that we viewed as a reach for him. He didn't matriculate there. It wasn't his top choice either.</p>
<p>"Why does everyone assume that a reach school would always be someone's first choice?"</p>
<p>Amen, Thumper. My D chose her all schools very carefully. She was looking for a large urban school in a vibrant city with an eclectic music scene, good business departments, and plentiful opportunities for internships and summer jobs. The prestige or ranking of the school mattered very little. </p>
<p>Her prerequisites may not be those that others use but that does not make them any less vaild. As always, YMMV.</p>
<p>My son and I just had a discussion about safety schools this morning. I told him that the most important admission that he should want to receive is to his safety. He likes the place -- it's a small LAC in Maryland that already has interviewed him for a merit scholarship. He can see himself attending school there, too. Sure, he dreams of Duke or Wake Forest, but if that does not happen, he can see himself at that safety, and no one will convince him that he made a sub par choice. Including me, since I went to grad school there!</p>
<p>Our son as a hs senior applied to only colleges considered strong matches or safeties. He is now three weeks from graduation, managed to save most of his college savings($45,000 still in the bank), is graduating with high honors and going to his first choice grad school.</p>
<p>Thank God he loved his safeties!!!</p>
<p>My DDs really have no idea re. prestige. They know UCD = nations best vet school but that's about it. Other schools were chosen because they offered any number of other things...size, Catholic affiliation, big sports scene, cool outdoor rec opportunities, closeness to home. What they are ending up with is a number of wonderful schools that they would be happy to attend.</p>
<p>I too am baffled by the kids who can't imagine going to their safeties. Why the heck did you apply then? Mathson had a first choice, but after that I don't think he'd figured out what came next. It was easier not to fall in love with any of them and wait and see where he got in.</p>
<p>well I guess because I define a reach as a school that is academically competitive & the average student has higher stats than your own.</p>
<p>I wouldn't apply to a school like that, unless I really loved it.
I can see a student applying to 5 schools and no reaches, but why use the effort to apply to a school where you were unlikely to be admitted, unless you really wanted to take the chance?</p>
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well I guess because I define a reach as a school that is academically competitive & the average student has higher stats than your own.
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<p>But what about the kids for whom there are no schools where the average student has higher stats than their own? Due to the nature of competitive admissions they need safeties more than anyone, but it may be a considerable stat drop to fall into the safe zone. My daughter is searching for a safety to love but there's a point at which (say 400 points on the SAT) it feels like she wouldn't have the same peer experience. This is especially an issue when you have a student considering isolated LACs with small student bodies. This is not a kid hung up on prestige, I doubt she could name the eight schools in the Ivy League. We'll make sure she applies to safeties but so far she hasn't found one to really love.</p>
<p>The terms are so flawed. We wouldn't need "safeties" if we didn't have "dream" schools that are so impossibly ridiculous to get into.<br>
There used to be a term floating around on CC coined by Carolyn or Interesteddad or one of the old-timers -- "lottery school." This more truthfully describes the state of admissions at the top ten universities and LACs in the country.</p>
<p>MODERATOR'S NOTE TO "Love. Your. Safety." THREAD: </p>
<p>Good thread. I'll merge it with the earlier thread on the same subject to maximize chances to see lots of perspective on this issue.</p>
<p>My S applied only to safeties, three large state universities. He had the grades/stats to reach higher but really liked the three he applied to and is about to finish his jr. year at his first choice of the three (debt free). His experience has been great and he has been thoroughly challenged academically. </p>
<p>Too many kids (and parents) get caught up in the name/reputation of schools and completely discount the safety schools that could be the "dream" school if given a chance.</p>
<p>Well said, packmom.</p>