Reflecting the last admission season, another mistake that I realize now is my daughter’s maturity.
Inside, she seemed very mature even though she was younger than average as barely 13, and I thought that people will see it. But now that, after only half a year, she is really mature outside. Inside, let’s say she now prefers Battlestar Galactica to Startrek TNG. And I feel that it would have made real difference and she would have been accepted by more schools if we had waited a year, or at least let her start wearing makeups a few months earlier.
Not that we are not fully happy with Grier which was the only school that accepted her. We are very happy and excited, and both I and my wife will accompany her on her first day. We have already scheduled her courses too. And Grier has been very accommodating and even encouraging her to take courses at her level such as AP Environmental Science as a freshman, instead of repeating any high school level science that she has already taken.
^^ don’t push the makeup thing. My DD doesn’t really wear any and honestly I don’t recall see it blatantly at any of the schools we visited. I’m certain she’s perfect the way she is!
I think there is too much stock placed into someone academically gifted. A child would be consider profoundly gifted to start college at 15 and be done at 18. But at the end of the day, when both of the children are 30, how much will that early graduation matter?
I know a kid whose prodigious achievement I can’t share due to privacy, but is is so profoundly gifted that he needs it just for healthy development during his teens, not to achieve anything by certain age.
Mine is not as gifted. For her I am sort of agreeing with you, and she is entering boarding school this Fall. She recently showed me an Internet joke about horrible high school life. I reminded her that she can stop her schooling now if she wants. She has required 60+ college units for admission to a correspondent online law school, can take California bar exam as soon as she turns 18 and start solo practice. The comment made both her and my wife flaming at once. She wants to experience all that life offers to a teenager, without skipping any with that early graduation. And it won’t matter if she achieves more or less by 30.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present.” - Lao Tzu
I am encouraging you to transition from reflecting on the past to celebrating the present and the wonderful opportunities that were made available by your daughter’s hard work and talent.
After I was offered admissions to a number of schools on M10, my over- achieving parents were so occupied with my WL and R that it was hard for them to become excited about my options. Because over-achievers are rarely satisfied even when their expectations are met or even exceeded, my parents were unable to live in the present and celebrate.
When your victories and hard work go unnoticed, it takes strength to avoid becoming disillusioned. That is why It is crucial for your daughter to see your excitement towards Grier.
Don’t let your daughter’s M10 results affect the way your view her. Whatever disappointment you felt or are feeling, she probably experienced worse.
At this point, try to celebrate your daughter and all that she has accomplished because there is no use in dwelling on the past.
Thank you for your encouragement and have been doing exact that. My occasional past reflections hasn’t prevented us from celebrating the present though. We guessed then that dd would need BS experience soon. Now we know for sure that dd needs BS ASAP and not next year. So far, Grier has turned out to be promising more than what I expected a few months ago. I am very pleasantly surprised with their Fall course suggestion for dd as well.
DD’s newest favorite quote from BST;
“I suggest that you take your victory and you leave it at that.” - Adama
@LaxPrep – one of the best posts I have read on this site. Are you still in prep school? If not, how did the rest of your educational journey turn out. I see a lot of myself in your post. Thanks
@SculptorDad – I am not trying to be argumentative but I am not sure you are beyond it. And that is ok but I think you might want to be honest with yourself why you are really disappointed that the schools did not recognize the inner maturity.
I appreciate the compliment and am glad my post resonated with you! I have not yet started prep school but plan on attending Hotchkiss in the fall. I look forward to providing periodic updates on CC as my BS journey unfolds!
@laenen, I can think of so many reasons and many of them are my being inadequate. It hurts as I have always been adequate in advocating her until then. I am not sure there is any one real reason though. If you have a guess on what that is, I would appreciate to hear it either as a reply or PM.
You seem to be taking her results as a failure of your advocacy. The schools were evaluating your daughter, not your ability to promote her. I can’t know exactly how you came across when dealing with the schools or how heavy they deemed your involvement, but if you were perceived to be selling your daughter, packaging her in any way, or telling her story for her, those would not be positives. Apart from a (brief) parent statement indicating your support of your daughter’s choice to attend BS and any questions you might have had about a school’s culture and programs, no more input was required from you. Schools make their decisions based on their evaluation of the student and how that student will fit into, contribute to, and benefit from their programs. Your daughters results were not about you.
With that, I’m afraid I have to stand by my original assessment; your daughter is a wonderfully accomplished young lady, but not a good candidate for most of the traditional boarding schools. I wish her well at Grier next year.
I too am an @LaxPrep fan! Really important sentiment. Hang on to that one and live by it – it’ll come in handy again, for sure!
Parents play a role who their children become but they should not be puppeteers. We should try to put our kids into the right environments and help them process what happens to them. We can give them advice, but they are not us and we are neither their successes nor failures. I know it doesn’t always feel this way, especially when so much time and effort and angst go into raising (not building, btw) a child.
As someone who is sending a child off to college next month (so has had a few more years to make mistakes than you have), I can definitely point to a couple of things I wish we had done differently for DS. I “own” those, so I understand your need to revisit what happened. But it’s also spilt milk – it’s done.
Parenting isn’t a competition, @SculptorDad. When your daughter is grown, what will matter is that she is happy and that your relationship is such that you two can share that. She sounds like a great kid, and I know you want the best for her. Try not to take anything away from her accomplishments. Given that she’s a smart kid, I’m going to guess that she can see right through your “celebration” of where she is now to the disappointment you feel in this outcome. Don’t do that to her.
Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m guessing that this lens – always being disappointed in what you have because it could have been more – extends beyond your parenting into the rest of your life. Maybe this is a wake-up call from the universe to develop a practice of gratitude for what you have. I say this as a kindred soul.
@ChoatieMom, I remember and somewhat agree with your original opinion. Thank you for reminding me for that. The BS decision was neither mine nor for academics. I hope she will get what she is looking for. And thank you for your warm wish. If for any reason it doesn’t work out at the end, it will still be life enriching experience while it lasts.
She does consider Simon’s Rock and other early college options as a backup plan.
