mental illness developed in college

Parents Forum
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<p>Generally I think there is greater risk when the mental illness develops during college and but only flares up after college. </p>

<p>College is a unique lifestyle that provides tons of support and close group that you work with. Some people can function very well in college even with a mental illness. (Not all of course.)</p>

<p>But I think the greater risk is if an illness does develop during college but doesn’t flare up until after college when the student is working, has an apartment and a car, and things should be going well.</p>

<p>I’m not trying to debate and I’m sure that there are a lot of people that suffer mental illness while in college. But I think the risk is greater when they flare up after college.</p>

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<p>I am surprised clarkalum and some of the other MD MH professionals havent chimed in. Some of the comments here are not quite accurate. But IMO its better not to take this important thread off topic.</p>

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<p>I don’t think it’s a bad idea to keep in close touch through the college years if there are NO risk factors for mental illness. It was the statement that we should remain "totally involved’ with our children even after they go off to college that sparked my interest in that particular post. And that term “totally involved” probably means different things to different people.</p>

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<p>I think that there is some truth that the family “knows” the kid the best. As far as others at the college, my son lost weight, grew his hair long and scraggly and his clothes were always dirty and he was smelly. He literally looked like a homeless person…nothing was wrong except he didn’t want to spent money on a haircut, did laundry as infrequently as possible, dirty clothes smelled and he was working out and ridding himself of a pudge he’d had for years and years. He is just fine (and better groomed now than a year and a half ago). It is entirely possible that all but the OPs son’s very, very closest friends would have known he was having mental problems and if the OPs son didn’t have very close friends no one might have known. Just sayin…so yes, I think it’s important that parents talk to their kids at least once a month or so. I can tell in a heartbeat when one of my kids is sick, or down, or happy, or excited just by a quick phone conversation.</p>

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<p>I’m coming in a little late to the thread, but kdos, I am so sorry. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.</p>

<p>Your son’s story is sadly familiar to me. When I was growing up we had family friends whose very smart son had a very similar story. So sad.</p>

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<p>This thread prompted me to text my s and let him know I’d ordered one of those baskets o’ junk (and healthy) food for study week for him. He was most appreciative.</p>

<p>As for whether a college students friends would notice if their thinking became aberrent, sometimes when a psychotic episode begins the person becomes more withdrawn and isolative (these are called negative symptoms) andthe friends may not be as aware of the positive symptoms (hallucinations, delusions, suspiciousness etc) unless the person verbalizes them or its apparent in their behavior. But those close to these unfortunate students (roommates, etc) are usually aware that something is amiss. We have read many cc threads about these challenging situations. Finding that delicate balance between being involved, caring but not intrusive parents is not always an easy one, but do trust your gut.</p>

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<p>quote] Finding that delicate balance between being involved, caring but not intrusive parents is not always an easy one, but do trust your gut.

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<p>^^well said. My 21 yr. is in orthopedic surgery right now and I sure wish I could be there to “mommy” him abit. OP I admire you for coming back and telling your story. Unfortunately it could happen to anyone with so many of our kids far away and so many soon to be far away. Your post put a lump in my throat and I sincerely hope for the best for your family and your son.</p>

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<p>^^ best of luck to your s, momofthreeboys!</p>

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<p>PM’ed you OP.</p>

<p>Recommend some books to all:</p>

<p>“The Center Does not Hold” by Elyn Saks</p>

<p>“An Unquiet Mind” by kay Jamison</p>

<p>Both academics with talent, who managed their illnesses.</p>

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<p>You guys have been so amazingly supportive. This is incredible as I don’t talk about it that much. THANKS!!!</p>

<p>I have learned alot about life from this experience. My S was the one I thought I knew the best and if you had asked me what he would be doing in 10 years, I would have been quite sure I KNEW the answer! Now I look at the arrogance of that and it astonishes me. No one knows. Life is truly day to day and I am reminded of it each day now also. Sometimes he is better and you get a glimpse of who he was…my beloved son…you start to think the upswing will continue…hope rears its ugly head and then 2 days later something bizarre happens and the boy he was is gone again. That is probably the hardest. (I know he needs meds to get better, but that hope sits back there and pops out when you least expect it. It’s like a kind of death each time.) It was really sad, my dad got Alzheimers at the same time my S got sick. Two of the most awesome people I knew were shadows.</p>

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<p>Compmom-</p>

<p>I have read them both…very hopeful books. They both went thru so much but are doing well…beyond well now.</p>

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<p>kdos, you have amazing strength. Hang in there. My very best to all of you. I am very touched by your story. There but for the grace of God go any of us.</p>

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<p>“hope rears its ugly head”
I don’t think I have ever read sadder words than these. I give you my heartfelt wishes and prayers for strength for you and your family.</p>

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<p>I have friends whose high achieving children developed serious mental illnesses in college and grad school. After some very rocky times, including in one case the offspring’s being hospitalized against her will, some of these offspring are doing well – while remaining o medication.</p>

<p>Since being hospitalized, one is now in grad school and married to a very nice young man. Another is a lawyer.</p>

<p>What seems to have helped is that at some point the young adults realized they had serious, chronic mental health problems, and agreed to continue in treatment and with medication. This realization for all came after some kind of problem – such as having to be hospitalized due to being a danger to themselves – that woke them up.</p>

<p>Sometimes the darkest hour really is before dawn.</p>

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<p>kdos, don’t lose hope. There are ways to coerce a mentally ill person into taking his meds. They involve professional help and some very difficult decisions on the part of the family. But it can happen, so do use your community resources to find the right people to help you. It’s all very expensive, however.</p>

<p>It’s true that anti-psychotic drugs can have major, bad side effects. However, the good news is that there is so much research going on right now that new drugs are coming on line all the time. It can take time, even years, but it is possible to find the right combination of drugs to have minimal side effects and maximum positive results. Please don’t give up on your son taking meds, because they can work.</p>

<p>Please remember that most likely, your son will out-live you, the parents. As impossible as it seems, he needs to become independent from you, not living comfortably in his room at your home. (I don’t necessarily mean financial independence, at this time.) I know it seems completely counter-intuitive to expect him to have any level of self-sufficiency when he is so debilitated with his illness. But he is losing nothing by not taking his meds, since he still lives comfortably with mom and dad. He needs to know that one requirement for support from you is getting treatment. It IS possible, but you need professional support for this. </p>

<p>What is your plan if your son’s delusions become violent? He can’t control these thoughts–have you thought about this? Please don’t let him continue without meds.</p>

<p>We have been through all of this and worse. Much worse. We’ve had somewhat of a miracle around here (with drugs, therapy, and prayers). Anyone meeting my S for the first time NOW, would never believe his story over the last three years. He has been stable and thriving for almost a year now. Really thriving, his old self and better: more mature and wiser, kinder and more appreciative. Two years ago, no way would I have thought that could be possible. </p>

<p>I am deeply sorry that you are going through this. You must take care of yourself and your other family members. My heart goes out to you. Stay strong, don’t give up, keep trying different options, it’s possible to have an excellent result. for more info, PM me if you wish.</p>

<p>Northstarmom is exactly correct. The darkest hour is just before the dawn. I also like this one: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over…it became a butterfly.”</p>

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<p>kdos, thank you for sharing your story. I am heartbroken for you and your son–the pain of what seems lost right now must be terrible. And scary. It could have been me and my son–at one point I was so worried about him, I drove 500 miles to his college just to see him face-to-face and be sure he was all right. It turned out ok, but I’ll never forget how scared I was that I would be facing what you are today. Mental illness runs in my family so I’ve always been concerned about the mental health of my two kids.</p>

<p>I also know that there are many success stories in treating mental diseases and it WILL get better. </p>

<p>I think your original message is a good one…for parents to be on the alert. I have always made a point of getting the roommate’s phone numbers (or closest friends) of my kids. THey always hated that I asked. But precisely for emergencies like this I wanted to have a link, a way to check in on them just in case. Now, they just sigh and give me the phone numbers.</p>

<p>It’s a cautionary tale to be sure. And I think it’s not necessarily surprising that you weren’t notified. I know that when S went away to school, he knew NO ONE on the campus and was starting from scratch in making friends. New friends may not pick up behavioral clues about changes in your son like family or old friends would.</p>

<p>Thanks again for sharing your story. ANd please keep us posted on what happens next.
I will be thinking of you.</p>

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<p>Kdos,
Lots of love to you and your son. Here, on this forum we obsess so much about the perfect college, stats, etc. but none of that matters as much as good health, mental peace and contentment. I wish there was something besides empathy that I could offer.</p>

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<p>kdos, thank you for sharing, I can’t imagine what your’re going through.</p>

<p>I had a good friend in high school who had a mental breakdown his freshman year and had to leave college and go home. It was heartbreaking to see him around town, he was not the guy I remembered at all. He had a few tough years, but he did stabilize and manage to have a life of his own after a time.</p>

<p>I know, there are no guarantees, and it’s not the life you dreamed of for your son.</p>

<p>I myself dropped out of college because of depression, but that is usually eminently more treatable-</p>

<p>My thought & are with you and your family.</p>

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<p>kdos thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story with so many. wishing you and your son the best.</p>

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<p>I keep thinking about your situation with sadness for your son and your family. There are treatments out there and I hope that one day he will find one for himself.</p>

<p>I also feel such anger towards Wash U and the people there. How could the RA and the teachers ignore this situation? I know the colleges have to let the kids figure out how to handle themselves away from the family, but surely someone there should have taken notice and sounded some alarms.</p>

<p>Thanks you for sharing your story.</p>