Mentioning death in a college essay?

Hey there!
I wanted to mention about a siblings death in an essay for University of Michigan “Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it.”
I start off by explaining how I belong to a particular religion that emphasizes belief in God and practices it, while I have contrary beliefs. Then, I tell in short how self-reliant I am and later mention the demise. After explaining how hopeless I am rendered and the only option left is to believe in God, who provides me enough power to cope up and move on, I start believing in God.
I don’t have the finesse required to write top-notch essays though I think mentioning the incident might add a personal touch to the essay. What do you think?

There’s nothing wrong with mentioning death in an essay but understand that (this sounds cynical but it’s true) many applicants write on the topic of how a tragic loss helped to define their lives. People write about the death of a pet, a grandparent, a parent, a sibling - all of these are tragic and important events in their lives of the applicants but for essay readers that fact alone won’t make the essay original or interesting. It matters more that your essay meets the prompt, shows the quality of your writing, showcases your voice and your originality. Best of luck in your application.

First I think you should have more confidence in your writing ability. If you are competitive for Michigan I’m certain you can write a top-notch 650 word essay.

Secondly, I think including your loss could be a powerful part of your essay. I also find the topic of turning to the belief in God to be interesting and thoughtful in today’s secular society.

Good luck!

Agree with @CaMom13: this is ground that has been well-covered, so there is no particular harm or benefit from talking about a loved-one’s death. However, imo it doesn’t look as if it answers the prompt: your outline talks about how you came to join a community, not how you fit within it. From the pov of the university, one of the things they are interested in is how you fit into a community (you are asking to join their community).