Hi,
My son is currently 7th grader. He has good grades and plays school basketball. I wonder what else he needs to do in order to have better chance for a good college?
I wonder if anyone can share your experience preparing your kid in middle school?
Urge him to explore his interests, encourage his passions, and let him push his boundaries (in safe ways of course). Make sure there are plenty of good books lying around the house of all kinds and that he see you reading and talking about what you read. Encourage his independence - he should be doing his chores, taking care of his laundry, getting into the habit of keeping a ‘to do’ for his school work, managing a small amount of money as an allowance, doing odd jobs when he needs to earn more for something that you don’t think he needs. Make sure he’s writing thank you notes, watching his manners and is talking to you as respectfully as I’m sure you speak to him. Model the ability to say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t handle that well.”
The skills he should be developing now aren’t just college skills - they are life skills. If he’s progressing normally, then count your blessings and remember to notice what is praiseworthy (so you have the goodwill ‘banked’ for when you need to be critical). If he’s struggling, teach him to ask for help and to locate the resources he needs to overcome barriers. Let him struggle. Sometimes, he needs to fail just so he knows that it’s not fatal and that taking reasonable risks is worth the occasional setback.
Bet you are already doing most if not all of this, right? The rest of it - academic prepping, extracurriculars, taking the toughest courses he can handle, etc… - are things he and you should think about when he’s preparing to enter high school and needs to start figuring out where he’s headed next.
Keep an eye on how he’s doing in math.
Sometimes, kids will have difficulty with math one year – perhaps because some unfamiliar concepts are being taught or because the teacher isn’t very good – and this will affect their math performance for the rest of their years in school. Each year of math builds on the previous years, and a kid who has gotten lost may stay lost.
If your son ever has significant difficulty with math, it might be a good idea to arrange for some tutoring (or help him yourself if you have the ability to do so) to prevent this downward spiral.
When my daughter was an upperclassman, she was an undergraduate TA for a finance course. Students would come for help with the problem sets, and she would often find that they were having difficulty because they didn’t understand Algebra 1 – a course they had probably taken in middle school. They understood the finance concepts that they had been taught, but they couldn’t set up the equations to solve the problems. These kids had been faking it in math for years, and it finally caught up to them in college.
Obviously a lot depends on your son, his interests, temperament, etc.
Most important is that he comes out of middle school as self-confident as possible.
Whether he makes the development jumps in this period on the earlier or later end can affect his peer relations, which will matter to him far more than anything else.
Also, depending on the school(s) and the kid, the jump between grades can be bigger or smaller. For our daughters the jump from grade 7 to grade 8 was harder than the jump from grade 8 to grade 9- because it was all in the same school cluster, and the grade 8 teachers were trying to get the students ready for the tougher demands of grade 9 (when the transcript actually starts to count).
Let him / encourage him to try different things- subjects, extra-curriculars to see if he is interested in them.
Good study habits are obviously useful, especially learning to manage his time and longer term assignments (but don’t expect him to be good at it before he’s 16 or so).
Imo, in middle school college shouldn’t even be a cloud on his horizon- I wouldn’t use it as either a stick or a carrot.
i have a college freshman, HS senior, middle schooler and elementary kid. We are not worried about getting into a top college; but rather paying for 4 kids through college.
Here’s what i’ll do with my elementary kid (and middle schooler) now that our eyes have been opened, thanks to this forum. 1) not worry about HS sports so much. they are fun, but time consuming and very rarely profitable (scholarships opps). 2) I’d SAVE MORE MONEY.
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I’ll have kids prep more for ACT/SATs/PSATs. We had no idea there’s PSAT prep available. 4) i’ll have kids do more “exploring” of careers- shadowing, explorers clubs, etc.
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if your child is very competitive with grades, i’d briefly ask what MS classes in 8th will count as HS requirements. Right now the valedictorian at our HS came in with an extra MS class - and no one could catch her from that. ALSO, In 8th grd I’ll take some time to talk to our HS guidance about class ranking/classes to know how the process works for our #4 kid.
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for our #4, i’ll look at getting her into opportunities that lead to national competitions 7) i’ll encourage last 2 kids to try new ECs just to see what they think (as opposed to soft classes at school) 8) i’ll have the kids take the hardest classes possible 10th/11th; and if they are doing lots of time-demanding ECs i’ll suggest a study hall rather than a soft class so they can get more sleep at night.
now that you’ve found this forum, take some time to read other Middle School threads; and learn as much as you can about college costs, admissions, scholarships, how much you’ll be expected to pay. This board is great! Also, other posters with different goals (eg: top colleges) may have some very different ideas on middle school kids; these are my thoughts on having our kids being competitive for academic/merit scholarships.
I second the suggestion of finding out what your child is passionate about and really enjoys and find activities related to that.
In middle school, my daughter took the SAT twice (for talent searches), attended science camps at universities in the summers, took two courses that would count toward high school credit (Spanish and Algebra), and volunteered for a dog rescue group, then switched to volunteering for a natural history museum, which she continued throughout high school. When registering for 9th grade classes, she chose the highest level classes she could get in – including one AP course – to get in classes with the top students at the high school.
She had other activities like a sport and art, but these are the ones that made a difference down the road as far as preparing for college admissions. Someone above already mentioned it, but it’s worth repeating – in high school, look for ways to stand out nationally. Competitions and activities should extend beyond the high school if you think your child will be aiming for academic scholarships or admission to top-ranked universities. Another thing someone mentioned is math tutoring – we always turned to that off and on over the years from elementary to high school to ensure mastery (we used Enopi and Kumon).
A book that will help with putting together a plan going forward is What High Schools Don’t Tell You by Elizabeth Wissner-Gross. That book is chock full of ideas regardless of what topics interest your child the most. Another great one to read is How to Be a High School Superstar by Cal Newport.
The points above are really useful- especially finding out what ‘tracks’ there are, as sometimes you can’t get to classes you want in grades 11/12 if you aren’t tracked by grade 9 (which often keys off middle school classes).
But: be careful about taking high school classes in grade 8. It can work really well, but there are also a lot of people who have regretted the impact on their GPA, because they didn’t do as well as the rest of their HS grades.
Also also also, be sure that you kid is leading the charge. You get one go at HS, and (in my opinion) it would terrible for you or him to see HS as simply a staging post to getting into a fancy college. There is a lot of growing into himself that your son will be doing between 12 and 18 and if he overall gets it right- not necessarily ‘perfect’- he will have plenty of choices. I love all the help that is available on CC, and being aware of ways to get more scholarship money or help get into a college that he loves are really useful, but don’t forget the bigger picture.
Both of you should read [url=<a href=“http://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/applying_sideways%5Dthis%5B/url”>http://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/applying_sideways]this[/url] at the start of every school year for the next 5 years!
Let them find their interests and talents, make friends. My kids liked participating in chorus, band, school plays.
They found their friends, who they are still friends with in high school and college, in middle school, because they had same interests in common
I’ll second what @bgbg4us said. Figure out now how things work in your high school with GPA ranking and prerequisite courses. Here high school courses taken in Middle school don’t factor in to you GPA but they do at some schools. Here kids often take the required high school health course on-line before high school to free up their schedule.
Let your kid do the sports. Keep an eye on the math skills as above. Middle school activities have nothing to do with college- let your kid be a kid. Do pay attention to available classes- the more rigorous paths if appropriate for your child. In math it is more important to learn the concept than be in the most advanced class. In fact, son’s school district had some kids repeat algebra instead of forging ahead when they needed more time with it- bravo. If your son thrives on it consider opting out of study halls- my son’s middle school encouraged them for most students but they were unnecessary for him.
When it comes time to sign up for HS classes consider your son ready for them. No need to “ease into things”. If he does well without a study hall in middle school he doesn’t need one in HS. ECs in HS should be aimed at him doing and trying things he likes. not a college resume. If he is a top student he will want to do more because the required HS work won’t be enough to fill his days. Likewise he should choose (as the years go by he will take charge more and more, eventually telling you just to “sign here”) classes where he will learn the most. Struggling in the most rigorous classes instead of learning the material in a regular class is not beneficial. Do consider four years of one foreign language- that is the norm for many college bound students and many schools (this can include middle school ).
My son is gifted- grade skipping, talent search et al. Most students at top colleges fall into the very bright range. Do not look at those out of the norm kids for your expectations. Look at getting your son the best education. This means challenging him so he can learn to do more and remain interested. It does not mean always doing the most rigorous class or schedule. Sometimes you need to have the school let him do more- such as no study hall if that works for your son. You need to talk to your son about how things are going- let him help direct his education. If he is finding classes boring have a discussion yourself (without your middle schooler) about getting him into a more challenging class next year. My gifted son needed the most challenging classes/best teachers so I did behind the scenes work and the GC did her part. However, your son likely just needs to be allowed to take as many classes as he wants to and if he wants that study hall it is likely a good idea.
What to do. Find out the classes available to him next year. Spend time with your son discussing his options. Let him tale electives that interest him even if they seem nonacademic. Tech Ed (Industrial Arts in my day) gave my son his only chance to do any of those workshop things he otherwise would never do. We have some stuff and discarded others to this day. Grades in middle school do not count on the HS transcript (unless they are HS courses) so now is the time for him to take courses he may not be good at but would like to try. Likewise in HS let him indulge in classes for the sake of learning, not the almighty gpa. Colleges calculate their own, unweighted, gpas based on “academic” classes ( no one I know has ever been able to pin down those, but phy ed likely doesn’t matter).
Notice a theme here? Get a good education- meaning learn a diverse amount. Get used to taking challenges. Have fun. Be a kid. Relax. He’ll get into a college that is good for him.
There is a lot of wisdom already here. I won’t add to all the great ideas on academics, but middle school is a good time to start teaching others in activities where your kid has participated for many years - either as camp counselor, assistant coaching a younger kids sport division, ref-ing or ump-ing games, or tutoring. This can make it easy later on to either get a job as a tutor or volunteering opportunities, with the added confidence of experience.
The vast world of online classes is especially good for middle schoolers to get exposure to advanced topics without grade or credit pressure. There is a little halo effect if they succeed in a course from a particular university that they will take forward to their eventual college plan.
For the parents, be sure to consider medium term financial planning so that, when the kid(s) reach 11th-12th grade, aspirations of “good colleges” that have been promoted over the years do not suddenly get deflated by financial realities.
Parents who know that they will not be able to afford the net prices of aspirational colleges may want to redirect the aspirations to “good scholarships”.
The first thing is to save more money! College is expensive. The second thing is to keep your child reading. This is an age where social media often distracts them from reading for pleasure. It’s the single best preparation for the verbal part of the SAT, and that is unlikely to change even with the new SAT. Make sure your kid is on the right track to take the courses that are appropriate for him in high school and find out how that works. In our school system you can take high school biology and Algebra 1 in 8th grade and it will be part of the high school transcript and ranking. You will get credit for one year of foreign language as well, but that only appears as a credit, and does not effect the ranking. Both my kids took the high school level courses (along with about 1/3 of the class and did fine - in line with their eventual ranks in any event.) This is a good time to explore clubs and ECs and volunteer opportunities. My oldest learned he liked academic competitions through MathCounts, my youngest was part of the orchestra in middle school and continued with that in high school.
- Developing good study/work habits is important. Reading is huge.
- Learn to manage time on his own.
- Find activities/interests he cares about
- Don’t get him thinking about any specific schools or getting too geared up about doing things specifically to get into college at this point. Let him enjoy being in 7th grade!
and absolutely save money.
You mean you haven’t planned out 4 years of his HS course selections yet? What are you waiting for?
Has he started his SAT prep courses? Why not?
Is he fluent in a minimum of 5 languages yet? Why did you allow him to spend any time on a sports team if he is not polylingual?
If he has not been yet published for his research curing cancer, what has he been doing with his time? Acting like a child?
Has he founded any charitable organizations yet, or is he merely doing hundreds of hours of community service?
You have obviously failed as a parent, your child’s entire future is doomed. You might as well forget about all these mistakes so far, make the best of it, and try to teach him the phrase “want fries with that”.
I don’t mean to pick on you, I typed the above clearly in jest.
Keep a sense of humor, and share it with him. Kids who have a good sense of humor are much better equipped to deal with whatever life throws at them.
I worry that a parent who presumably only wants the best for her child may be sending some of the wrong signals, setting expectations too high, and robbing their child of a part of their childhood.
When my S, now a senior at Columbia, was entering 8th grade, I told him high school is all on you, you will only get out of it what you put into it. My job is to make sure you have clean underwear that fits you
lol, @3puppies, congrats on making your values clear to your S! here’s hoping he’s found the college laundromat by now 
RJ2010 - IMHO - the best thing that you can do is to help your son do well in school, which includes getting top grades in the hardest courses. This is the path that 2 of my kids followed successfully to get admitted to a Highly Selective school.
If he can continue to play basketball, and get all As in AP courses throughout HS, he will be able to write his own ticket. You will NOT need to save extra money - because the top schools are need-blind and they will help you with Financial Aid. Even if your son is not good enough at basketball to get a scholarship - and not many kids are - it will be ok, because varsity sports and top grades are still a plus indicator to schools. So, your son will NOT need to start 3 new clubs, donate 1,000 hours to a charity, or speak 2 foreign languages fluently - unless he wants to.
Please keep in mind that this strategy is all predicated on your son doing extremely well in HS classes, and that is really up to him, not you. You can only support him, and to paraphrase 3puppies, “make sure he has clean underwear that fits.” So, based on your original post, keep on doing what you’re doing and good luck!
All great posts above. The one emphasis I would make is read, read, read on a wide variety of interests. Can be fiction and non-fiction, but keep that reading going.
- Read, read, read
- Encourage him to get involved…in what ever he likes. Sports, Clubs, student government, volunteering, music,anything. When he transitions to HS, encourage him to keep doing it. So if the is in band, encourage him to keep at it.
- Read
- Talk about college in the sense of “of course that is what you will do after HS” It may not be, but you want to encourage that kind of thinking.
- Work on having him be in charge of keeping track of Homework and turning it in