Do other schools assign dates for dances or is that a Thacher thing? (You arrive with your date and dance the first dance with them… I believe that is the extent of the commitment.) For the Winter Formal, the girls had to come up with creative “asks” for their dates, who were obliged to say yes.
^That would make DS have to go to a dance…LOL. I think Thacher is on to something
I agree DS does not go to dances anymore. :))
What if you’re gay? Or questioning? Or in denial?
Summer will be for enjoying golf, hiking 14ers, vegging out, catching up on GOT, refining video games skills, wrestling with his brother for the remote control and maybe studying for subject tests in August (maybe…or maybe not). I told my kids long ago that nobody dies wishing they spent more time at work (or preparing for it). Hopefully, they do not interpret that as an invitation to live in our basement forever.
@skieurope Let’s assume the only commitment is to dancing. If not, the school will have much more to explain!
It is just a friend to arrive with and someone who you might not know well yet since the dorms are segregated by gender. It is not about romantic matchmaking 
But it certainly takes the pressure off… No awkwardly wondering whether someone will invite you or having to summon the courage to ask and risk rejection. Some of the “asks” have been quite clever.
Last year, at 15, DS took a one week drivers ed class and then was a camp counselor at a local day camp for the rest of the summer. Other than the pay,the work was great. It came with bus transportation, lunch and a built in social life.
DS will be interning in a lab most of the summer but not through a structured program. We will need to find a place for him to reside near the lab (maybe a sublet) as he is too young to rent a dorm. When he isn’t in the lab or figuring out how to get himself a meal, he will have plenty of down time and explore the area on his own time. It should be quite interesting to see how it works out.
However, until then, the entire month of June completely unstructured and with his local friends still in school won’t work for his psyche.
I would love for him to find a little job for the month (unlikely) or a sports, service or academic-lite program of interest for at least part of the time.
Such a delay between composing and posting…
No assigned/required asks at our school when DS was there. But the freshmen had to go to the winter dance (more like a whole school party)-- a whole dorm could go together – and the dorm was locked for 30 minutes so you had to give it a chance for that long. Then you were welcome to return to your room. Which few did at that point.
I don’t think ds has gone to a dance yet…
@carpoolingma my kid finally went to one a few weeks ago, because his dad made him…he popped in, took a quick video to prove he was there and went back to his dorm…then he missed a French assignment. I’m not sure if that was a passive aggressive move towards his dad or not… :-S
He was seriously miserable, though…he hated the music, the noise and the crowd. Dances are not his thing. (Nor mine)
@CaliMex I think that’s a Thacher thing. It seems well intentioned but awful. I would hate for my kid to have to ask someone to a dance “creatively”. That just sounds really creepy. My kid wouldn’t be into that at all. Too contrived. IN fact, I don’t think any amount of convincing would work.
Our school had a Semi. Kids got all dressed up and it sounded like a typical dance. I heard later that everyone just went and had their photos taken and very few people actually go to the dance. Hmm. They seem to hang out elsewhere and make a fun night of it but not dancing in the auditorium ( or wherever it was held). Oh well, they all looked very nice and it was a great way for them to socialize outside of class.
My kids loved the semi-formals in BS! They were much anticipated and well attended by most. Students would usually find a “date” but there was no obligation to do so, the dates were usually just friends, and it was understood that your date and you would rarely spend the whole event together. Lots of fun themes, too, including plenty of dance nights that were much less formal and didn’t involve dates.
I think forcing students to go and to go with an assigned person might be well intentioned but misguided. Not everyone has to love it and attend. It is okay if it isn’t everyone’s idea of fun.
While I understand what you’re saying; I just don’t like it. For starters, this sounds like a pre-K field trip to the museum (“now everyone hold your buddy’s hand.”)
If they want to have some type of icebreaker, then fine. Have then pick out names from Tim Gunn’s button bag. But in 2018 to think that a school to impose some type of activity to conform with what is “normal” based upon perceived gender at birth? 
That’s not the thinking I would expect from Thacher, and that would never fly at Andover.
I think context matters. Thacher is tiny. Only 60 kids per grade and two dorms per grade: one for girls and one for boys, based on the student’s gender identity and choice. (Seniors are spread out among the dorms as prefects for younger students.)
Assigning “dates” to some of the formal dances is organized by the STUDENT-led committee that orchestrates weekend activities. And it isn’t about romantic matchmaking. From what I hear, it is often about getting kids together who don’t normally hang out with each other so they can get to know each other better. Thacher has friend groups but no cliques and that’s how the kids like it.
Frankly, if the dorms were co-ed and called Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, I think the student-led indoor committee would take turns assigning Hufflepuffs to invite and accompany Gryffindors and vice versa.
Also, for context: Thacher has a weekly “Open House” party on Saturday nights that is attended by ALL students. It is held at the Head of Schools home and has dancing and karaoke for the extroverts, ping pong, board games, cookie baking, crafting, you name it. Formal dances are rare for that reason.
BTW, @skieurope: Are Andover dorms segregated by gender? Is it by perceived gender at birth or by gender identity?
My son has attended every dance so far this semester and has really enjoyed them! They are casual events and I believe they have been offered in smaller spaces to give a more intimate feel. As far as I know they don’t have any kind of “ask policy.” I doubt that he actually dances (or maybe he does a little). I think he just considers them a fun social event with food, friends and decent background music. He is my social butterfly, so they are right up his alley.
OK, way to bury the lede. That context from the outset would have elicited a different response than “Do other schools assign dates for dances or is that a Thacher thing?”
Not even close to analogous (nor is single-sex sports teams, so let’s not go there), but as a matter of fact, Andover does indeed have some all-gender living space.
@skieurope That’s good to know. Are the all-gender dorms open to freshmen? Thacher is too small to have a dedicated dorm, but at least kids have a say.
I’m not sure; this change was after I left. Since Andover has freshman (using common terminology; Andover uses different terms for classes) in separate dorms, the option may only be available to sophomores, juniors, seniors. But someone with current Andover experience may shed some light.
And yeah, I should have been more clear from the beginning: It is the student-led committee that does the assigning at Thacher. If enough people disliked it, they would probably stop… but I think the kids enjoy it.