As long as they aren’t expected to dance to “Baby, it’s cold outside”, it’s all good! =))
It still sounds creepy to me. Do the students all have to attend the weekly social? Is it mandatory? The thing which would raise an issue with my kids ( all of them) is being assigned a person. Even having to ask someone as a mandatory thing would be an issue ( as would having to attend a weekly party). The school size really doesn’t matter. 30 kids per grade or 300, the issue would be having the prerogative to go or not. I have heard that some schools have a weekly open house at the headmasters house. I have never heard of a school which makes kids go, however.
I certainly hadn’t thought of adding in gender. This could certainly make for an an uncomfortable evening.
I’m all for social events. Let the kids go or not as they see fit. Ensure that everyone is safe. That’s about all I see as the role of the school. Some people hate parties some love them. To each his/her own.
The weekly Open House party at Thacher isn’t mandatory, but everyone goes – perhaps because they have been so thoughtful at makiing sure there is something for everybody, from introverts to extroverts. This includes dancing and karaoke, ping pong, banagrams, chess, charades, cookie baking, crafts… you name it. For most kids, it is the highlight of their week.
I find the usual expectation of “romantic” dates at the typical high school function MUCH creepier. There is a LOT more pressure to pair up and to go to great lengths in approaching potential romantic partners/dates. (Google Promposals or Homecoming Mums it you aren’t familiar with some of these newer rites of passage).
The STUDENT-led social committee at Thacher CHOSE to organize the Winter Formal dance in this way. It was their choice. I think it is a nice, low-pressure way to practice something that is usually fraught with angst. @Happytimes2001: Not sure how it makes for an uncomfortable EVENING (your words) given there is NO real commitment beyond walking over together. Or maybe Thacher kids are used to being uncomfortable (they do, after all, start their Thacher experience camping in the back country and start every day mucking a horse stall).
Frankly, most of the highschoolers we know, whether at boarding schools, day schools, or local public schools, spend most of their weekends seeking out adult-free parties with alcohol and drugs. How is that better than turning up at the head of school’s house for a weekly party with all of your peers?
My reaction to this is that the concept is sweet. It is a very well intentioned way to address the fact that attending a dance can be intimidating. Having creative asks is a way to have some fun with it, gets kids talking about it, and removes the "romantic " part of the equation, etc. My guess is that for most of the students, this ends up far better than they imagined it would.
At the same time, it is no doubt painful to any student who is struggling with gender identity. It sends a message, loud and clear, that our school is not sensitive to LGBTQ students. In fact, it may be worse that it is student led simply because it is their peers, who believe they are encouraging inclusion and participation, who are offending them.
Personally, I try really hard to understand and be sensitive to these issues and find that every time I end up in a conversation with folks who are directly involved, I am blind and clueless to some aspect of it. Best intentions only go so far! Guessing those student organizers are as well. It sounds like there is an opportunity here for some enlightenment as to the pain this could cause some members of the community and the chance to address that the next time round.
@gardenstategal I completely see your point and agree that it would be horribly misguided if there were any romantic undertones. There aren’t. One could certainly make the case that because of our culture, those undertones are a given. But I sincerely believe that if the two freshmen dorms were all-gender, they’d have Hufflepuffs invite Gryffindors and vice versa.
I have no reason to believe trans, gay, and queer freshmen would feel more welcomed, appreciated, and embraced elsewhere or less pressured by societal norms. And I wonder what Thacher’s many visible gay faculty make of this practice. But the absence of this particular tradition does not make other schools more inclusive or healthier.
When we visited schools (and we visited more than a dozen) we were struck by how much happier the kids at Thacher seemed compared to most schools. I don’t think that happens by accident (though the good weather helps!)
BTW: Is the very idea of single gender dorms outdated? Does it assume everyone is straight and seek to make dorms free of romantic/sexual entanglements? What about gay students? Trans? What messages does it send? Does anyone have an issue with the assumptions behind single gender forms and the messages sent to queer, gay, trans, and other students?
At our school, you live with the gender with which you identify. But it doesn’t mean you have to love the gender other than the one with which you identify.
I have no doubt Thacher is wonderful and caring and that the kids are happy. (Very much the reputation.) So am I as a person, yet I have inadvertently offended folks. As i said, this sounds well intentioned and perhaps rooted in tradition.
But I think if they were being intentional, they would really examine this. Maybe an upperclassmen should invite a freshman. Or a group would invite a group. Clearly, no one has set out to offend.
And I totally get what you’re saying about Griffindor and Huffelpuff, but these are a girls dorm and a boys dorm,
so it is that. A lot of these transgressions are just kind of baked in, if you know what I mean, but don’t have to be.
I think that this is work that is never really done…
For college? Yes. For HS? No (with a big asterisk}. And I say that as a very socially progressive person. At some point, one needs to draw that line between developing socially aware members of society and managing hormonal teenagers without fully developed prefrontal cortexes (or is it cortices?) Similarly, I am fully aware that at some point I will tell my kids “Because I said so” or “My house, my rules.” 
.
I don’t believe so.
That said (and this is my asterisk), I’m interested to see how all-gender housing develops at PA/PEA. The idea is targeted mainly (though not exclusively) to transgender or gender non-conforming students, which answers the challenges of developing an inclusive atmosphere. Since I’ve been away for a few years, I’m not well versed on how the schools are managing this.
The school’s policies on parietals applies to all students anyway, and I see no need to specifically address a smaller community.
To play devil’s advocate: How does having single-gender dorms help manage the behavior of hormonal teens? Doe it assume there is a strong physical attraction between boys and girls (but not between boys and boys), for example?
Having spent 2 years as a prefect/proctor in boys’ dorms, I have a couple of ideas. And let me preface this by saying that my use of “boy/girl” is for expediency in writing, and does not imply that I disregard any individual’s preference of terminology.
1/ Why tempt fate? This goes all the way back to the Garden and the apple.
2/ It’s “easier” (and that is such a relative term IMO) to motivate/wrangle/discipline when they are all the same gender. Yes, there are nuances when dealing with individual kids, but in general, boys and girls are wired differently. Let’s not forget, these are HS kids where the school is acting in loco parentis, so there is discipline involved.
Clarification from the Thacher kid regarding assigned dates: Students had the option of requesting a date of the same gender or opting out altogether.
@GoatMama , did you stay up to watch the ncaa women’s volleyball championship game last night? Wow! So exciting. Prime time sports worthy!
Well that certainly makes more sense. That’s the challenge when you only have half the story.
@gardenstategal Yeah it was great!! We were rooting for the Cardinals! They have the best Libero in the country, and ultimately this game is about passing and defense (said the mom of a Libero… :)) ) it was really exciting to watch.
Yep, being able to opt out of mandatory social engineering is great. We’ve raised our kids to make their own decisions and having to follow a rule which makes them uncomfortable wouldn’t be a family fit for us. I’m sure Thatcher is great. So are many others schools ( with or without horse poop) this coming from someone who has a horse pen in the backyard that has never been used ( We have thought of making it a garden and have used it for a skating rink). To each his own, my kids have no interest in horses or going to dances with forced dates but that doesn’t mean someone else will think it’s great a la Thacher. That’s why it’s great there are so many schools to choose from.
The tightly-knit, wholesome, happy culture at Thacher is not accidental. They are very deliberate about creating a structure where every kid feels embraced, included, and part of the community. Some of the ways they create community for freshmen include camping and horsepacking trips, prefect groups, advisory groups, riding groups, formal dinners with assigned seating, Frosh Skills classes, and freshmen study hall. It all adds up to a very supportive peer culture and one that has friend groups, but no cliques. We have heard several students say that they feel peer pressure to do the right thing, even when no one is looking.
A kid who prefers an environment with lots of freedom and very little structure will absolutely HATE Thacher. If they bristle at having to having to sit with anyone but their closest friends 3-4 meals a week, they will be miserable. If they come from a community that values status and money, they will discover that Thacher kids are remarkably uninterested, even if they come from wealth. If they are used to a social life that revolves around alcohol and drugs, they will find themselves in the minority, too.
And yeah, if they dislike horses, manual labor, or camping in the wilderness, they should certainly avoid it!
Thacher is certainly not for everyone.
The acceptance rate is ridiculously low, perhaps because the admissions office seeks to weed out kids for whom it would be a bad fit.
Hmmmm… I was really looking more for a school for snobby, rich, white kids, where they taught how to club baby seals. :-?
@calimex Ok, we get it, you like Thacher. That’s great. You are a big fan and could help them in the marketing department though it sounds like from the low acceptance rates they don’t need help in that department. Personally I love hearing about the different schools and cultures. Though sometimes it can get a bit repetitive. I think most people on this board think their kids made the right choices or they are looking at various schools. I wouldn’t judge anyone else’s choices. Schools and people are different. And the only acceptance rate that matters is the single one where your kid fits and gets accepted. Doesn’t matter if they get accepted to one or 10. They just need a good fit.
@Happytimes2001 Our kid loves Thacher.
Truth be told, I probably would have hated it at age 14!
@calimex Great.
Yep my kiddo is very happy at ancient institution of learning. I think I would have been happy there too had I known BS’s existed. My spouse and I always say in our next lives we want to come back as our kids. So many opportunities. And great food at school. What’s not to love.