<p>absolutely soozie - if we had to make a choice between the TV, and using the money toward our kids’ college expenses at schools they absolutely wanted to go to, the TV would still be sitting at Best Buy!</p>
<p>Hey Teri, I realize in my last post when I wrote: “You are not THAT needy or poor,” I should not have used “YOU”…I meant that a person who says they must have a free ride to college but can go on nice vacations and get nice household extras is not needy or poor enough to warrant a free ride. DadII has called himself “poor.” I hope when I used “YOU”, I hope nobody who had recently posted thought I was responding to them or directing it toward them with regard to TV buying.</p>
<p>I came to ask a specific question. I got the answer and did thank everyone. It is my intention to let this thread sink. However, there are just too many “attacks” that I feel like I need to say something here. People - please don’t just read what you want to read. </p>
<p>In my post #38
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<p>So, I did not say DS must have a full ride. For those who remember my discussions early this year, I have made clear that if our children get into the “right” schools, we will have no problem paying our EFC. However, if it were a safety, we really would like to pay minimal. In our DD’s case, I did not do a good job to ask her to include 1 or 2 financial safeties. This time around, I would like to get DS to do that - thus must be a full ride. DS will get to apply to where DD did. We are 100% sure he is going to do Stanford EA. </p>
<p>About the TV and vacation - we had a 52 so we wanted to replace it with a 52. They say that only bigger than 52 that you truely see the 1080P. In one of the posts, I already said we are pushing back the purchase. In the same post, I believe I disclosed that we had also down graded our vacation. We have been taking one international trip a year and it is not that expensive. </p>
<p>Thank you. Let it go, please. You spend your money your way. Just because you could write something on internet, does not make your life style or choice better than mine.</p>
<p>no soozie - I didn’t take it personally. Just wanted to say that I never realized how much I’d appreciate a bigger screen until after we got one! I was fine without one until we decided a new one would be nice as we planned to give the 27" to D1 when she moved out. I intially was going with a smaller HD LCD, but they had one that was being discontinued with a larger screen that they were willing to sell me for the same price as the smaller one, so we went a tad bigger than I’d planned.</p>
<p>I’m also in a different place than DadII. Our oldest has graduated and almost (hopefully) on her own soon. D2 is a sophomore, and I am confident we have the funds necessary to pay the remaining 2 1/2 years. Just going to show that different parents make different decisions, I know that you have been very generous in supporting your D1 in her grad school endeavors. We never really made that promise to our kids, although I wouldn’t ever rule out some sort of ‘help’ every now and then if they needed it if they pursued grad school. D1 has spoken on and off about law school, and I doubt we would ever fully fund that if it ever came to be. D2, well, I never know what will happen with her. If our economy doesn’t improve by the time she graduates in 2011, we may encourage grad school, although she does have the whole bartending gig to fall back on. H has a Ph.D., and I have my masters, so I wouldn’t be surprised if either one of them eventually landed in grad school. Hopefully we’ve instilled the value of continuing education in both of them.</p>
<p>Im not saying I wouldn’t appreciate a bigger screen tv if someone gave me one.
But I don’t watch it anyway- ( not cause I am noble- I don’t have the attention span)
and would rather have the room for books .</p>
<p>But when there are 12 things I need to pay for & only money for 10- entertainment is not on the list- however we have always made sacrifices to procure the best education we can for the kids & so far- that has been a satisfying way to spend the money.</p>
<p>“So, I did not say DS must have a full ride. For those who remember my discussions early this year, I have made clear that if our children get into the “right” schools, we will have no problem paying our EFC. However, if it were a safety, we really would like to pay minimal.”</p>
<p>The thing is, though, your posting history suggests that you have a limited perspective as to what are the “right” schools. HYPSM and a very select handful of others. And it will not go unnoticed by your ds that if he doesn’t get into HYPSM et al, he is indeed at a “sub-par safety school” in your eyes. </p>
<p>“DS will get to apply to where DD did. We are 100% sure he is going to do Stanford EA.”</p>
<p>Like he has a lot of choice to apply EA at any school beyond HYPSM!
It’s such a shame, because there are so many gems out there, where your son could also get substantial merit money. You posted asking for LAC suggestions for him … an Asian student would be more “unique” / stand-out at some of those schools … why aren’t you pointing him there?</p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I can see a lot of good reasons why a parent would encourage a younger sibling to apply EA to a school that the older sibling already attends and is presumably happy, especially given the school’s generous financial aid thus far to the family.</p>
<p>DadII, I did misunderstand some previous posts about your son needing a full ride. So, now you mean that his safeties need to be a full ride but if the school is “worthy”, you are willing to pay. I see. Frankly, I can’t relate but everyone does what feels right for them. In my view, I’m willing to pay the same amount for the reach, the match, or the safety. I’m looking to educate the kids. They’ll get a fine education wherever they go. It is worth the money no matter the level of selectivity. The level of selectivity matters only because of the right FIT and they prefer more challenging schools. But I’d pay the same even if they got into less selective schools. That’s just me. I don’t believe in saying I’ll pay more for a more elite school but won’t cough up the bucks for the less elite ones. I’m paying for my kid to be educated and putting stock in my kid. That’s how I see it. You see it differently. That’s fine. For me, ANY school will do as long as my kid thrives and is happy there. There are no “must have” schools. My kids go to great schools that are quite selective but I would have paid the same for less selective ones as well. With your approach, I’d be worried the message it gives your child that you are willing to fund his education if he gets into an elite but are not willing if he does not. That’s a lot of pressure, let alone has a value attached to it as if the less elite schools are not “good enough” to pay for.</p>
<p>I had misread your posts and thought you had said you were not willing to pay for your second child for college because you were too poor. I also got the impression that he’d have more restrictions on where he could apply than your D had. My mistake. I am not sure I am the only one who misinterpretted your posts lately.</p>
<p>Forgive me but comments like this confuse members like me:</p>
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<p>In theory, yes, I agree with you, calmom, but Stanford is a sure bet for absolutely no one, and it sets the ds up to be in the shadow of dd’s accomplishments, which does not appear to be a good dynamic for that particular family, esp where there is an aura that the dd is the golden girl and the ds (who by all accounts is still an excellent student) just isn’t up to that caliber. (Remember? The yanking-of-the-computer-cord with the dd. Having to be persuaded that a state flagship honors program was indeed something that a parent could be proud of. “It was all over” when the son got a B+ in AP US Hist. Dad II felt good about ds’ 99th-percentile ACT until then he didn’t, and needs to urge him to study more.) </p>
<p>This is a very high pressure cooker situation, focused simultaneously on achieving certain tippy-top schools but also with high pressure to keep the bill as low as possible. The dd - a freshman! - is already being told to look at grad school but only at certain grad schools that have the most prestigious names! In light of the heavy prestige pressure, I just cringe at the idea of having the ds play the same game, and apply to Stanford EA.</p>
<p>Seems to me that DadII is equally stressed out & demanding for both his kids – with similar standards of perfection for each. While I don’t particularly cotton to his parenting style… its pretty clear that it is largely cultural. So I think it’s fair for us to gently remind DadII that he is going overboard… again … but he’s not going to suddenly become a different person. </p>
<p>As to the issue of what Dad II is willing to pay… well I would feel the same way. I’ve attended a state university, my son has attended a well-regarded LAC and a state college, & my daughter is studying at Barnard – and there is a huge difference in many aspects. That doesn’t mean that a student can’t get a good education from a less selective college… or even that a different college wouldn’t be a good fit – but that doesn’t preclude an overall analysis of value. It makes a lot of sense to look for merit aid at safety level colleges – certainly my kids were offered merit money at safety-level colleges.</p>
<p>I’d expect to pay more for a BMW than for a Honda – that doesn’t make the Honda a bad car. My kids were offered merit aid at their safeties, so I think it is reasonable to expect that.</p>
<p>I agree that one might expect or receive merit aid at their safety schools. My oldest child had two safety schools…Conn College and Lehigh. To be honest, we were not aware that any of her schools gave merit aid (most on her list actually do not). Conn College doesn’t. But Lehigh apparently does and she did win a substantial scholarship. But that’s different from expecting a full ride. My D was offered a full ride at her state U but had no intentions of applying there and so she built her list without that school. Conn College and Lehigh offered the criteria she was looking for in a college that UVM did not. So, free ride or not, she had other safety schools. That said, again, I can see assuming or expecting merit aid at one’s easiest schools on the list. Not sure about the “must get a free ride part”. It might entail the son to go several tiers down to get the full ride and it seems rather odd for a family that is so prestige conscious.</p>
<p>I can understand Soozies’s confusion, as looking through this thread, dadII comments:
</p>
<p>But, as for the third comment, if faced with the opportunity for his DS to join DD at Stanford (but requiring som OOP $$ from DadII) vs. a total complete free ride at say, U of Alabama (plus travel stipend and laptop) requiring that he “not soend a penny more than he has to”, I am betting DS will be at Stanford</p>
<p>Some of us (me included) have offered specific names of schools and scholarships that Dad II’s son would certainly be a contender for. Again I say…the McNair at U of South Carolina is an outstanding award…outstanding. The school is really a rising star and has some outstanding programs. All I got in reply was that $10,000 was too much to pay. With the McNair (which includes a reduction to instate tuition) the student would not be paying $10,000 per year…and even if they did, that is a bargain and really comprises room/board costs. The Pogue at UNC-Chapel Hill is another outstanding award and is given to OOS students too. What about Emory Scholars? Any chance his school might nominate him for that? He would have to be nominated and then apply, but again…excellent. There are lots of choices for a financial safety but not too many are free. There aren’t many free rides out there…period.</p>
<p>Dad II, for your original question “What are the top 5 factors for merit aid?”.
- Factors for D’s merit aid (she is at state school, but also got huge Merit scholarship from private school, that she choose not to attend (lowering tutuion from $33,000 / year to $5,000 / year):<br>
- GPA 4.0 uw
- ACT = 33 (took once)
- Graduated at the top of her HS class
She had tons of EC’s but I do not think that they plaid any role in Merit $$, however, they were important in getting into extremely selective program that accepts only 10 kids into freshman class. Her whole tuition and part of R&B are covered by Merit $$.</p>