<p>Wow…so many replies. Thank you…everyone. =]</p>
<p>I read all the posts and your experiences were very reassuring, if you guys understand, then maybe my parents will too.</p>
<p>To give some of the details of the circumstance. I have a south Asian family so the family ties thing is pretty big for us. My grandparents actually came all the way over from out of country to see me off. Which is why I feel sort of bad telling them how rough that day could really turn out to be.</p>
<p>My little bro is actually 3 years old so he probably won’t be able to help much and one of us will need to watch him.</p>
<p>We are taking two cars, my own and the minivan so space should be okay. </p>
<p>I know my parents would let me go on my own if I had freshman activities but my colleges move in details don’t list any to attend. We had orientation earlier in the summer so most everything for students is optional and there’s not much planned till classes start the following monday.</p>
<p>My parents have been to the campus before but this will be my grandparents first visit. However none of them have seen my room so they all want to go up and take a look. My grandparents usually need a place to sit or rest and might have some trouble if there really is no place to sit and if it is really that hot. They came all this way and are excited but I don’t think my move in will be anything pleasant or grand. </p>
<p>Thanks again for the advice guys, i’ll try to see if I can compromise or apply your suggestions. Also the school is several hours away driving distance, so staying overnight is probably a good idea for them.</p>
<p>It’s one thing when a parent drops off an elementary school kid at school and she runs off with friends and never looks back over her shoulder. Kids that age only think of themselves. One would hope a college aged kid could see beyond her own little bubble and think of others.</p>
<p>If you feel it would be appropriate that you spend more time with your family during the move in than others do, don’t begrudge your family the time. Some of them won’t see you for a long time, perhaps never. You’ll have 4 years at the university–to make friends, fit in, etc. Your grandparents, especially, would appreciate any time you spent showing them the university to them and including them when appropriate.</p>
<p>"To give some of the details of the circumstance. I have a south Asian family so the family ties thing is pretty big for us. My grandparents actually came all the way over from out of country to see me off. Which is why I feel sort of bad telling them how rough that day could really turn out to be.</p>
<p>My little bro is actually 3 years old so he probably won’t be able to help much and one of us will need to watch him."</p>
<p>Now that you’ve added those details, I agree with ellememope.</p>
<p>When the grandparents/family head to your room to see it realize that it’ll take them about 2 minutes at the most to see everything there is to see in the room - i.e. they’ll likely spend next to no time there unless they’re helping you unpack/arrange. And if you have a double or triple with the other roomie(s) moving in at the same time with their family, there’ll be next to no room in the room (but again, after a minute or two they’ll have already seen it).</p>
<p>As a freshman, it would be more unusual to come without your family than with, but nobody but you is going to notice. (Freshmen move in= utter chaos). There will be plenty of classmates who want their family to leave as soon as possible, and there will be plenty of students who don’t want their family to leave. Either way, you will have company. </p>
<p>I would try to find out the dimensions of your room, or a picture of a freshman dorm ahead of time. I would tell/ show this to your parents. Point out how you will be rearranging furniture, and how it would be a tight squeeze for 6 people (you, your roommate, + 2 family members each) to maneuver and get every thing settled in. </p>
<p>If you need to compromise, having your whole family move you in is not as bad as everyone staying the weekend. You can always find a shady or air conditioned spot for your grandparents and brother to sit in. (It will probably be easier to have your grandparents watch your brother, than you or your parents). On the other hand, hanging out with your family disrupts getting into your new routine and meeting people. However, there will be others who hang out with their family all weekend. </p>
<p>To make a long story short: There is no one “right” way to move in for college.</p>
<p>Move in day is always hectic. I suggest a drop off stuff in dorm room approach- do not let anyone do your unpacking as you will need to know where you have your stuff and bedmaking can’t be done until you empty it of everything dumped on it. I know my son had summer orientation and so move in day was just that- they had a dorm house meeting at suppertime so parents et al needed to be gone, no dinner with student. Do check for informal activities, they are an important part of getting used to the campus and your dorm neighbors. </p>
<p>South Asian- if Indian that fits my H and inlaws, you can stress your duty is to take care of your things and meet other students before classes begin. You may have some sort of dorm events to attend, you should go to them. It may be a good idea for your parents to check the rest of the family into a hotel so the grandparents can watch the young child while you three can unload your stuff (they can stay in the lobby if a room isn’t available). Your parents can then bring everyone to campus for a look at your dorm and the rest of things. It sounds like you will have a car on campus and the van will carry most of your stuff so it is logical that everyone makes the trip at this time. Don’t be embarrassed- my son likely was when a week after move in we dropped some stuff off and walked thru his dorm with my father and H’s mother in tow (his grandpa is local and we detoured on our way to returning Grandma to her OOS D’s), his room was a mess, he knew people who said hi to him by then… Most people will be too busy with their own move that day and someone’s relatives will likely be just part of the madness.</p>
<p>A lot of good advice here from parents. You may want to tell your family you don’t want to offend them the night before but that you will need to do a lot from the minute you arrive on campus and won’t be able to attend to their needs or desires. Say your proper/sentimental goodbyes before you get to campus. It is not your duty to show them a campus you barely know or to delay getting your things put away. Stressing this may be a way of everyone understanding that you are not being neglectful. Hard to know precisely what to tell you without knowing you, but South Asians should do fine with meeting American expectations.</p>
<p>Don’t stress out too much about move in day- there will be glitches, but the move will get done and family will leave so you can have your independent college life. Good luck and enjoy!</p>
<p>“I suggest a drop off stuff in dorm room approach- do not let anyone do your unpacking as you will need to know where you have your stuff and bedmaking can’t be done until you empty it of everything dumped on it.”</p>
<p>Written like a well organized mom.</p>
<p>I don’t think either of my sons completely unpacked for weeks after going to college. For that matter, I think I was the same way.</p>
<p>I honestly don’t think it would be that hard on move in day to show around a college proud parents/grandparents and siblings who include some who’ve come from thousands of miles away to see one off.</p>
<p>Family is more important than unpacking. The student also has the rest of the school year to make friends. The first day isn’t that important in the overall scheme of things. As long as there really aren’t orientation activities for the OP to attend, it shouldn’t be that hard for the OP to walk around the campus a bit with his family. There really will be many other students doing similar things that first day.</p>
<p>You might suggest that your grandparents and sibling stay at the hotel while you and your parents check-in and move all your belongings. Your parents can then go back to get your family later in the day to come and see your room once it is together and give them a campus tour. We took teenage siblings to one move in and handled it this way, at another they helped carry stuff and then explored on their own while parents and student set up the room. Schools were a plane ride away so we did arrive a few days early and stay overnight after the move/parent activities but had no expectation of seeing our student after they arrived on campus unless they called for a needed Target run. We took the time to explore the area. This went a great way to helping us feel comfortable leaving our kids far from home. Grandparents came on Parents Weekend. </p>
<p>Rest assured that no matter how your family decides to handle it, there will be others in the same situation and eventually all families go home. Move ins don’t have to be stressful, so please try to relax. This is a wonderful and exciting time, it’s a loving sentiment that your whole family wants to share the experience with you. Good luck.</p>
<p>**A note to everyone to check the school’s move in schedule. At my youngest’s school move in is on a Sunday but full dining services don’t start until Monday morning (???). Most everyone takes their kids to dinner after the big move.</p>
<p>While you have the empathy of the parents on this thread…it seems you will need to adjust to everyone being there during your move in. Try to indulge them this one time…don’t try to fight it too much…your going away is probably a big move for your family…and this couple of days is more for them than for you. Even though…it should be more about you!</p>
<p>Are you at all concerned about what your roommates or other people on your floor will think? Try not to be. No matter what school you’re at, there will be some kids who have not lived in very diverse communities. Most are likely to be very interested…and possibly somewhat jealous…that your extended family is sharing this milestone in your life.</p>
<p>Hopefully your parents will think of this…but…if you can squeeze a couple of extra things in either of the cars, try to have a couple of folding chairs for your grandparents and a small cooler with drinks and snacks (esp for your little brother.) Tensions rise when people are tired, hungry and thirsty…so try to avoid it! If you have those canvas folding chairs that come in the drawstring bags, maybe you could keep them at school for when you have visitors to your room!</p>
<p>Your parents should make sure your brother has some time to “run around”…especially after the car trip. If you can take him to the gym and athletic fields…there should be some good running space!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be expecting grandparents to be carrying things, so I suggest - get to campus, find the student center or some place to “park” grandparents and younger brother so gparents can rest and bro can run around … Then you / parents check in and do room (there is nothing to see at that point for the gparents) … THEN go get the gparents, brother, show them your new room, and then go out to eat or whatever. </p>
<p>There is nothing for the gparents to do in moving you in, and the little brother will just get in the way. Sorry, but that’s a 3 yo. It’s not like he’s a 14 yo who could help carry or set up things. He can’t and he’s going to get bored IMMEDIATELY. </p>
<p>And it’s not right to have a total of 6 people from your side in your room when your roommate is there trying to unpack as well.</p>
<p>Love the suggestion about the cooler and folding chairs, and I also suggest that you make sure there are plenty of little games packed for the 3 yo. This whole day is going to be extremely boring for the 3 yo, and no matter how excited your gparents are about the whole thing, they are going to have to entertain him for much of the day.</p>
<p>DH drove out with S and all the gear on Thursday (and had to immediately fly back to NYC for work) and parked us at a nearby hotel, I flew in Friday am once I got S2 (then a junior) off to class. S1 took me around campus, we walked around the neighborhood, did a Target run and then had dinner at a local restaurant. Had lots of time to talk and decompress. Move-in started at 8 am Saturday, DH arrived on campus from NYC at 9:30, we got stuff moved in, but waited to unpack until the roommate arrived so the two guys could decide how to arrange stuff.</p>
<p>By 11:30, we headed over to the Quad so S could get his ID, welcome goodies, etc. Parents were watered and offered a place to hang out. We then all went to the activities fair with free food and ice cream. S was off meeting folks; DH and I just took it all in. Went back to S’s room briefly to drop off some of his stuff, then headed for Convocation. FOllowing that, there is a parade to the central part of campus, where the students depart for their class picture and the parents and families are invited to a reception. No mistaking that this was the time to say good bye!</p>
<p>DH and I went back to the hotel, took a nap, went out to dinner, got up early the next am, had breakfast at a local diner and drove home. Did not see S after Convocation. He had placement exams the next day so we didn’t want to interfere.</p>
<p>Agree with other posters that if the family is coming, would be best to find a place for the grandparents and little sib to hang out until the OP and parents can move stuff in and set up the room. If there is a zoo or children’s museum in town, that might be the perfect option to keep the sib entertained for a couple of hours. Depending on the grandparents’ stamina or inclination, the hotel pool would also work.</p>
<p>You can then tour campus and have a family dinner afterwards.</p>
<p>OP stated: " My grandparents usually need a place to sit or rest and might have some trouble if there really is no place to sit and if it is really that hot. "</p>
<p>It doesn’t look like they can be counted on to watch 3 year old or do much around the campus. As previously posted, OP’s parents should try to help make everyone as comfortable as possible.</p>
<p>From post #30 "And it’s not right to have a total of 6 people from your side in your room when your roommate is there trying to unpack as well. "<br>
I would hope that the roommate and family would be a little more understanding than indicated by this post. Maybe the roommate will show up with 10 family members!</p>
<p>My child had just 1 family member on move in day. Roommate had 2 parents, grandparents and a much younger sibling. I was delighted to meet them all and never felt they were in the way.</p>
<p>On some colleges and unis, there are special activities for the families of international students, and those families are also allowed to stay on beyond the “buh-byee!!” messages/deadlines given out to domestic families. </p>
<p>You aren’t an international student, but I was just wondering if you can inquire if there is programming for international families. Perhaps those activities or meals might be a place to send your grandparents during the move-in day. They might also find others with the same language to chat, brag and compare.</p>
<p>The 3-year-old is a practical consideration for dorm safety. I have many memories of move-in days where students were trying to carry refrigerators up flights of stairs, and little kids running around and behind those students. You can use safety (your brother and other students moving stuff) as a reason not to have the grandparents and brother hang too long around the move-in rooms, spilling out into hallways.</p>
<p>New idea: contact the student employment office to see if you can actually hire an all-day babysitter and helpmate for the grandparents and little brother. It might be worth a day of minimum wage to get this personal help. If the student spoke the grandparents’ language, all the better. Sometimes upperclassmen hang around during Orientation, and one might be interested in making a day’s wage at the normal campus wage rate (minimum wage or a bit higher; whatever’s normal there). </p>
<p>I also wondered if they’re in proximity to forget orientation and instead come your first weekend instead…? By then, a meal off-campus with them might be a positive change-of-pace; they’d see your dorm room fixed up, see you among new acquaintances. Tell them you’d love to have them, but want to be their gracious host to show them your new home, not a disoriented fellow. Maybe they’ll admire that.</p>
<p>These are all very rational ideas, however, and few things are as wonderfully irrational as 3 generations of close-knit family!</p>
<p>And not only do you have to watch for little ones on the halls and stairs, but it’s possible to encounter loose “pouch pooches” at foot level as well.</p>
<p>As the owner of Newfoundlands, and being used to bear sized dogs, I typically don’t look at my feet. Waist high is more typical.</p>
<p>If your grandparents are elderly, or even if they are not, suggest to your mom or dad that they find a nice, cool spot for them to sit (a library?) as you move in. Or perhaps they can spend some time at the hotel until the move in is accomplished. There will not be room for everyone and your boxes or suitcases in your dorm room. There will not be a place for them to sit ( the bed and chair will have piles of stuff as you unpack). Then try to be gracious about having coffee or a meal with all of them afterwards, as long as it does not interfere with your frosh or dorm activities.</p>
<p>It is great to be loved, but sometimes it takes some patience!</p>
<p>If they’re not that physically able – which it doesn’t sound as though they are – then they really need to be “parked” someplace. A student center might be a good place … there may be places for them to get snacks, browse a bookstore, and amuse the 3 yo.
If it’s hot, which it may very well be, it’s not fair to park them outside or in the dorm lobby.</p>
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<p>I’m glad you enjoyed meeting the roommate’s family members. There is a difference between extended family members walking in and saying hello and shaking hands and so forth, and kvelling over their young one for a moment or two before leaving, versus extended family members who are unable to help and who get in the way (no matter how well-meaning they are). I am confident the OP knows the difference!</p>
<p>PERFECT solution!! Grandparents want to see the campus and your room…but don’t necessarily have any vested interest in where you put your dresser.</p>
Move ins don’t have to be stressful, so please try to relax. This is a wonderful and exciting time, it’s a loving sentiment that your whole family wants to share the experience with you. Good luck.</p>