<p>In the summer of 2007 I went to a canoe tripping camp in Algonquin Park, Ontario called Camp Pathfinder. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, as I had thought this would be similar to the other summer camps that I have gone to all throughout my childhood. It turns out that Camp Pathfinder had the intimidating reputation of all the canoe tripping camps in the park as the hardcore canoe tripping camp. On my first trip I was introduced to the portage
a hilly, buggy, sweaty trail of death. The portage can range from anywhere from ten meters long to ten kilometers long in the park. I quickly learned that other than paddling our cedar canvas canoes for kilometer after kilometer, the trials of death that separated the lakes are filled with it seemed endless obstacles. I was required to carry the heaviest pack at eighty pounds of joy. During my first two trips at six and eight days each I learned that portaging is nothing but a muddy landing, an escalated amount of mosquitoes as you get further along the portage, the endless terrain that is filled with swamps, rocks, windfalls, water falling from the trees, and what seems like endless hills going up and down for kilometers until you finally reach the other muddy landing.
Though after my first year I decided to come back, as a passion for canoe tripping and the outdoors built over the cold and snowy winter in Syracuse. My second year included a 450 mile whitewater trip with sixteen days of tripping involved. Thankfully due to the high waters of the Missinaibi River from the abnormally rainy summer
there were very few portages so instead we shot every whitewater set we could.
Now after a passion and love for Camp Pathfinder grew in my heart, I joined the Camp Pathfinder staff in the summer of 2009. Though I had overlooked the portage aspect of canoe tripping inside Algonquin Park, I should have prepared myself for what I was about to do. As a staffman it seemed as if the portage evolved overnight as those eighty pound packs were now history to staffmen. Staff do all the hard work on canoe trips, which includes the portaging a cedar canvas canoe over what I describe as a trail of death. Cedar canvas canoes are the best for paddling in water with as they are 100 pounds, very thin (very tippy), and about twelve feet in length which makes them just about the fastest canoes out there and also the most unbalanced out of the water. However with all the benefit in the water, when it comes to portaging it only amplifies the obstacles included in the portage.
Now because this was my first year as a staffman, Pathfinder likes to take us on our training trips. My eight day training trip which spanned most of its time in Northern Algonquin Park, an area notorious for its mountainous terrain which makes for great portages
was filled with the hardest tripping days I have come to know. Our days included about ten to twelve hours of tripping each day, spanning lake after lake with an average of twelve portages each day, and one tiny breakfast and one tiny dinner every day. What makes the cedar canvas canoes so tough is the balancing aspect of lugging 100 pounds on your head for miles. I can clearly remember my first 4km portage at the end of a ten hour day into Radiant Lake. Before the portage as we approached the landing all I could think about is how physically exhausting this day has been and how will I ever finish this portage. It turns out this portage included four sets of hills
all around 100 meters each. This portage was hell as I thought to myself during the first few hundred meters
but all I could do was keep trucking along
thinking of the nice beach at Radiant Lake at the end of it all. However, the day had been so mentally and physically exhausting that I collapsed about 2km into the portage. Everything seemed to crash down on me, even after I fell to the ground and threw the beautiful canoe along with me
at that point I didnt mind the hundreds of mosquitoes tearing apart my skin along with the horseflies taking chunks of skin right off me
the pain I felt on my body was unbelievable. Though the one thing I didnt want to do was give up and have someone finish the portage for me, because clearly the other five had it just as hard as me
but they were ahead of me, I wondered how they could portage so well. As I lay in the mud I could only think of how to finish
and all that came to mind was the lyrics from Bruce Springsteens Streets of Philadelphia (Its funny what songs I think of when I portage). I had not heard the song in months, but the lyrics came so clear and fitting that singing that song in my head got me to get up and truck to the end. Through the last two kilometers, they were just as grueling as any other
Im pretty sure I was running off adrenaline when I saw the water through the pine and birch trees. As I flipped down in the water, I came out of that canoe completely drenched in sweat and blood (from the mosquitoes!), my whole body ached, and the headache from a lack of food never hurt so good
I saw everyone else on the beach swimming as I joined in.
I would consider the 4km portage into Radiant Lake one of my biggest life accomplishments. A turning point in my life as I try and mold everything I do in the mindset Its all in your head. Whether a physical or mental trial in my life, Im always assured that I can finish whatever I deem myself to start. I came out of Pathfinder an improved individual, and the portage can teach me anything I want to know
similar to Vasudevas river in the novel Siddhartha
The portage knows everything; one can learn everything from it.</p>
<p>Which is a minimum 250 words…mine is 1000ish. I read I want it around 500-750?
…so much information to put into 750 though…</p>
<p>help please =]</p>
<p>also: The question I based the essay on was: </p>
<p>Evaluate a significant experience and achievement and its impact on me.</p>
<p>Okay, I’m cutting it down for you some, and editing for basic clarity, and the sake of conciseness, but I have some recommendations for the actual phrasing of certain things as well. I only have the first two sections edited, but now that I’ve read all the way through, I think the idea is pretty good, and you seem like a brave and nice person. However I have other critiques as I go along. Here’s what I’ve got so far:</p>
<p>In the summer of 2007 I went to a canoe tripping camp in Algonquin Park, Ontario called Camp Pathfinder. I had thought this would be similar to the other summer camps that I have gone to all throughout my childhood, but It turned out that Camp Pathfinder had the intimidating reputation as the “hardcore” canoe tripping camp. On my first trip I was introduced to the portage- a hilly, buggy, sweaty “trail of death”. I quickly learned that other than paddling our cedar canvas canoes for kilometer after kilometer, the “trials of death” that separated the lakes are filled with it seemed endless obstacles [Edit this sentence for clarity. Filled with what, Exactly? What did you mean to say here?]. I was required to carry the heaviest pack, at eighty pounds of joy. I quickly learned that portaging is nothing but a a journey from one muddy landing to another; With an escalated amount of mosquitoes as you get further along, endless terrain filled with swamps, rocks, windfalls, and what seems like endless hills going up and down before you finally reach the other muddy landing. </p>
<p>After my first year I decided to come back, as my passion for canoe tripping and the outdoors built over the cold and snowy winter in Syracuse. My second year included a 450 mile whitewater trip over sixteen days. Thankfully due to the high waters of the Missinaibi River, there were very few portages.</p>
<p>_</p>
<p>As I continue, I have to say part of the problem you have in terms of length is that you’ve repeated certain things, like ‘trail of death’ and decriptions, or added needless facts (The exact date. Saying “the next year” is sufficient.) Your beginning is much stronger than the middle, which could use some work in terms of what exactly you want to say about canoeing. I think you need to focus more on the actions and brief descriptions than defining the meaning of everything, or telling us the exact km traveled. I’d like to feel as if I was there canoeing with you, and especially in the very beginning I do. If you cut down on some of the words, and tried to find shorter more ‘rapids’ like descriptions (just like water rapids, we should be whirling through the essay with good flow.) you’ll be able to hit your ideal word count mark. (Possibly one of the hardest parts is to hit 500.) </p>
<p>As for your ending, “food never “hurt so good”…I saw everyone else on the beach swimming as I joined in.
I would consider the 4km portage into Radiant Lake one of my biggest life accomplishments. A turning point in my life as I try and mold everything I do in the mindset “It’s all in your head”. Whether a physical or mental trial in my life, I’m always assured that I can finish whatever I deem myself to start. I came out of Pathfinder an improved individual, and the portage can teach me anything I want to know…similar to Vasudeva’s river in the novel Siddhartha…”The portage knows everything; one can learn everything from it”.” I think you could stand to edit it to make it less clunky. You don’t need to go and be outright with your “this changed me because…” you can <em>show</em> us how it changed you- perhaps that glorious moment of realizing you could push yourself and really do something so challenging? I enjoy the quote, however. </p>
<p>If you’d like to keep going, I will, but if you dislike the above advice, or would rather come up with edits first, that’s fine too. It’s up to you.</p>
<p>Thank you for the time you put into the editing. Though I posted this right after I sent this to my two sisters (Georgetown, Fordham)…They offered much advice…and if I put all the advice together…they said rewrite it all. Stressing simplicity, and only elaborate on that one portage, as the beginning adds way to much unnecessary information and should be cut down alot. You said length and repetitiveness is a problem, and yes it is…I’m rewriting the whole thing right now, with the focus on the one portage.
I’ll repost my new(er) and improved version on a new thread. </p>
<p>Thanks for the help!</p>
<p>You’re quite welcome! I think this’ll turn out good for you. :3</p>
<p>Ive been going to Camp Pathfinder since the summer of 2007, first as a camper and most recently in the summer of 2009 a staffman. Camp Pathfinder is a canoe tripping camp for kids in Algonquin Park, Ontario. During my first camper years I was introduced to the portage. Before this informal introduction I thought canoe tripping was nothing but fun and enjoying the great outdoors of Northern Ontario. It turns out that the portage is hell. There are three aspects of the portage. The first aspect is the length and topography of the trail measured in meters which can range from 10 to 10,000 meters. The next aspect is the weather, as it is always wet on the trail. The aspect that came as an unpleasant surprise was the annoying pests called insects. They include mosquitoes, horseflies, deerflies, no-see-ums, gnats, and ticks that are all swarming along the trails looking for their next victim.
On my eight day staff training trip, my physical and mental condition was being built mentally and physically for canoe tripping. The training trip included 10 hour days with ten to twelve portages each day. What makes the portage especially difficult is the fact that Pathfinder uses cedar canvas canoes. Therefore, lifted onto my shoulders is a 12 foot long, 100 pound boat that is almost impossible to balance along the treacherous portage.
I can vividly remember my first long portage at the end of day 3. Day 3 had been a complete physical drain on my body; I was shot by the time the last portage came by. The portage into Radiant Lake is 4 kilometers long and has four hills all about 100 meters high. I wondered how I was ever going to finish this, I dreaded this portage from the moment I sunk my boots into the foot deep mung on the landing. This portage was hell as I thought to myself during the first few hundred meters
but all I could do was keep trucking along. Hundreds of mosquitoes are in my canoe, trying to find that perfect spot on my face to bite, along with the horseflies bussing around my head as they burrowed themselves in my hair. It smelled of mud, body odor, and moose droppings. The day before had rained all day, so the ground was muddy and rocks were still wet and slippery. After the second hill about 2 kilometers through, the mental and physical exhaustion crashed down on me as I lost my focus and tripped on a small windfall as I hurled my canoe in front of me and I went crashing down on the ground. At that point I didnt mind the hundreds of mosquitoes pinching my skin with their needles along with the horseflies biting chunks of skin right off me. The pain I felt on my body was unbelievable, my muscles were sore everywhere as hundreds of needles pierce the skin. Though I continued to lie in the mud like a helpless child, I felt so worn out I couldnt move. The air was filled with mosquitoes and horseflies by now, making it hard to even see out in front of me and unable to hear anything but a loud buzzing vibration in the air. As I lay in the mud I could only think of how to finish
and all that came to mind was the lyrics from Bruce Springsteens Streets of Philadelphia (Its funny what songs I think of when I portage). I had not heard the song in months, but the lyrics came so clear and fitting that singing that song in my head got me to get up and flip up the canoe to finish. I kept trucking until I could see the water through the pine and birch trees ahead, I was probably running on adrenaline at that point. I approached the water of Radiant Lake with a smile on my face as I ran out onto the sandy beach at sunset and flipped down my canoe as it flopped onto the water. After flipping down I realized how my whole body ached and I was completely drenched in my own sweat and blood (from the mosquitoes!).
I would consider the portage into Radiant Lake one of the proudest moments of my life. It was that glorious moment of my life that I realized I could push myself and really do something so challenging. Whether a physical or mental trial in my life, Im always assured that I can finish whatever I deem myself to start. I came out of Pathfinder an improved individual, and the portage can teach me anything I want to know
similar to Vasudevas river in the novel Siddhartha
The portage knows everything; one can learn everything from it.</p>
<p>I’m aware it still needs work…hmmm</p>