My Cornell Supplement(already submitted)

Colleges and Universities A-Z Cornell University
1

<p>hey, i was wondering wt u guys thougth about my essays, i already turned them in, but i'd still like to know how they were: </p>

<p>1) Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you.</p>

<pre><code>When I was younger, my career choices literally changed every three minutes. They ranged from a fighter pilot to a cardiologist. My fervor for the sciences and history were always consistent. I find history to be good exercise for the mind because it requires one to recall specific dates, and times of events. History is unique, because there is no truth, truth dies with all those who witness it years before historians attempt to recreate it, although you can never tell the complete truth, you can get close. The closer you get, and the better you can prove the compatibility of your interpretation and the evidence, the more credible you are. Therefore, Napoleon was partially correct when he declared that “history is a myth that men agree to believe.”
</code></pre>

<p>I enjoy science because I love to experiment; I spilled sulfuric acid on my shirt, and lit my hair on fire while burning magnesium, both of which are minor compared to all the lab incidents I had last year. Science allows me to carry out an experiment so that I learn from the mistakes I make, and never repeat them again. The nature of science helped me with the internal conflicts I had during my high school career, I experimented academically and made bad decisions. I never took my work seriously, and because of that ended up with unimpressive grades, and now here I am with a contradictory measures of my ability to perform the rigorous curriculum offered at Cornell University. My junior year GPA jump mainly resulted from the surge of ambition and focus, because of the realization of the opportunities available to me. Many in my country are barely surviving, while I’m abroad, with no worries but my education, which I have taken for granted. I assure you that I will not revert to the student I once was, I am now equipped with a new attitude, work ethic, and mentality. I’m a changed man, a focused, ambitious, young man that wants to receive a good education, and selected Cornell University as a place to gain a fresh start in life.</p>

2

<p>im applying as a history major by the way, and had sucky grades my frosh and sophmore years..heres the 2nd one:</p>

<p>Lost in Translation</p>

<p>“My vav pokhoronim!” Anxiety and fear swept Washington and the Eisenhower administration moments after Nikita Khrushchev proclaimed that “we will bury you” at a Kremlin reception in 1956. After American officials panicked, and began to organize a new approach to respond to the Soviet Unions escalation of tensions, translators had found out that what Khrushchev actually meant was that “we will out live you.”
I still remember that instance from my history class in tenth grade, and because of it , took an increasing interest in the cold war. An era I feel was more or less a traditional power struggle, with the addition of thermonuclear weapons, but with space for a few laughs along the way. My favorites are John F. Kennedy’s declaration at Berlin that he was a jelly doughnut, as well as Jimmy carters comment in Poland which was translated as “I have lusts for the future.”
Having shared that, I chose Cornell as my top choice to pursue a degree in history because of the top notch faculty, and quality of education. I have read two books by Professor Walter Lefeber, “America, Russia, and the cold war 1945-1996”, as well as “the New Empire: An Interpretation of American Expansion, 1860-1898,” and found them both to be outstanding works. Because of them I began to view history as a big puzzle in which pieces had to be collected, pieced together, and explained. Translation is one thing I find to be fascinating and humorous, because of its fragile and provocative nature, and as a historian one must pay attention to every detail. Attending Cornell will equip me with the necessary tools to do so, and absorbing from its professors will be an honor and a dream come true.</p>

3

<p>Bump......</p>

4

<p>i only read the 1st one, and since i'm just doing this as a 'break' from my own essays, i didn't read very carefully. but i don't think u addressed the prompt too well. The 1st paragraph talks about what ur interests are, but you don't really describe their evolution. You make generalized statements about history, and write it informally, referring to 'you'. If i were an adcom, i'd be wondering yea that is cool about history, but what about the kid? the 2nd paragraph talks about how you love science, but i still dno't see the evolution of that desire, and why you enjoy science. do you enjoy it just because you won't make the same mistakes? it also seems you're using science as a leeway into talking about your grades, instead of really hitting the point</p>

<p>sorry if i'm harsh, wrong, retarded, etc. i'm stressed with my own essays, and reading CC is usually a good stress-reliever.</p>

5

<p>its cool, its good advice, lol it was my plan to use science to adress my bad grades at the beginning of high school, beccase its the only place i could. i also stated that my "passion" for science and history were always consistent and havent evolved. Thanks for the advice tho</p>

6

<p>what the heck is "bump.." anyway?</p>

7

<p>haha, i just found out yesterday....u say it to try to keep the thread alive</p>

8

<p>Bizump.....</p>

9

<p>baby turn around and let me see that sexy body go ...BUMP, BUMP BUMP</p>

10

<p>is it just me, or did cornells essays suck and leave lil room for creativity?</p>

11

<p>The second one seems to stray away from the topic. It doesn't exactly talk about how you plan to utilize the resources at Cornell; the only time you even allude to it is by talking about books you've already read. </p>

<p>But I dunno, I've always been a fan of "Ich bin ein Berliner!"</p>

<p>And yeah, those two little essays didn't leave much room for creativity...but that's what the common app is for.</p>

12

<p>i killed the common app, i think. thanks for ur feed back. any1 else?</p>

13

<p>I will put this in unequivocal terms, so please don't be offended.</p>

<p>As college essays go for top-notch schools, I would grade yours with a C+ (Think A excellent, B good, C acceptable, D poor, F take a writing fundamentals class and hire a proofreader).</p>

<p>There are a few grammatical, syntactical, and punctuation errors, but nothing major enough to be either egregious or picked up by someone who himself is not a good writer. Example "...young man that wants to..." should be "young man WHO wants to." There are no spelling mistakes I saw so in terms of grammar i'd say a B.</p>

<p>In terms of topic I think you made excellent choices. Both essays have topics well suited to the question. (This does not necessarily mean they are devoped well.) I'd give an A-/B+ on topic choice.</p>

<p>Content/Focus: This is where your fault lies. Both essays stray from the topic or fail to present it in a good light. Spending your precious essay space giving an excuse for poor early HS career grades is not a good idea. You should present yourself as an intellectual through and through, not someone who became one a year ago. Also your humor, although amusing out of a college essay, makes you seem cavalier, reckless, and disorganized. While your hair lighting on fire via magnesium is amusing, it's very difficult to imagine a scenario in which you were acting appropriately that could allow such an event to happen. Your second essay also wastes space talking about things loosely related to the question. You should lead in for a sentance, maybe two, not one of your two paragraphs. You also seem to try to connect yourself with the university through your reading rather than describe what you'll do there. In other words, you don't answer the question well. You said why Cornell, but not how you'll use it. Unfortunately, content is the most important part of your essay, as it carries your message. Grammar is merely presentation, and topic, though essential, is only a starting point. I give this section a D/D+.</p>

<p>Hence my overall C+</p>

<p>Good news: essays are important, but not as important as your academic history and test scores. They don't make or break students unless they or borderline. If your essays are the only weak part of your application, you should do well. Also, essays on this level would be much better at schools ranked out of the top 25 or so.</p>

<p>Also, please don't take this critique the wrong way. I know I initially respond poorly to criticisms. So, don't take offence to this. Very Good Luck, hope to see you at Cornizzle, fo' shizzle.</p>

14

<p>And yes, the essays leave very little room for creativity, they are tough.</p>

15

<p>hha, thanks for the advice. I reallyfelt a need to adress my bad grades in 9th and 10th cause...they were rlly bad. i have 3 D's on my transcript, and my GPA for those 2 years was like 2.4.</p>

16

<p>yeah I had some bad grades, so I totally understand. I had a C as an academic course grade in some form in a class every year I think. I saw explaining my grades as important too. The best way to do that, in my opinion, is to just start doing well. If you did well junior and senior 1st semester, thats the best explanation possible. Colleges are aware students mature in highschool. Also, I got a teacher from sophomore year who I got a C in to write me a rec.. Thats because I had her senior year, and I got awesome grades first quarter and was a model student, so she had good things to say about me MATURING. But either way, best of luck to you, hope to see you at Cornell. And remember a top choice is not the be all and end all. It's easier to see once you're excepted, but I realized that I was almost sad I wouldn't be able to attend all the schools I had to withdraw from. (and they were all less competitive than Cornell.)</p>

17

<p>Did the supplement get you in?</p>