My D wants an expensive school, I cannot afford it!

<p>I think you & your hubby are very generous and she will be very fortunate indeed to be able to graduate from a local U with a great education and no debt! Having the option on or near campus is also a great part of the college experience and she's very fortunate that you are able to offer her that as well.</p>

<p>MomfromPa: You seem to be on the right track with your daughter. But I have one question- What is your realistic estimate of your future LIFETIME earning potential? From your post it appears that: a) you are in your late 30's, and b) you just passed the bar exam. Are you perhaps being too pessimistic about your own earning potential? Will the 60K still seem like a very large amount of money in another 10-20 years?</p>

<p>I sometimes wish I had not been so frugal in my early years.</p>

<p>Chief Dull Knife college in Lame Deer, Montana. (joke)</p>

<p>"a) you are in your late 30's, and b) you just passed the bar exam. Are you perhaps being too pessimistic about your own earning potential?"</p>

<p>I'll be interested to see her response. From what I've seen of lawyers, the field seems overpopulated and the majority of lawyers are not making big bucks. When I lived in D.C., my husband -- a journalist -- was making more than were friends the same age who were lawyers who had graduated from ordinary law schools.</p>

<p>She also would be wise to consider the fact that illness or other problems may impact her earning potential.</p>

<p>Yes vicarious I am in my late 30's...am I being pessimistic about my own earning potential? perhaps...I have been doing a lot of contract work this year and have made a very good salary but again I cant tell what the future will bring. Also something I havent mentioned thus far or if I have I dont recall is my husband is a union construction worker. he makes a nice living however he is subject to layoffs at any given time. We have been blessed and most years he works 9 or 10 months out of the year but I cannot take that for granted. there have been and will be times when i am the only wage earner other than his unemployment..It doesnt happen longterm very often but it does happen. In 20 years 60 grand may be nothing to me..who knows? But I cant take that chance not when i have 2 other children who will be entering college in the next 5 years...My husband and I are very stuck in our belief that we can not give everything to one at the possible sacrifice of the other 2 children, We owe the same to all of our kids and that is our goal..</p>

<p>Ok, just wanted to put my 2 cents in. I went to a six year combined BA/MD program in which the cost of tuition alone was 50,000 (plus inflation) every year for six years. There is NOTHING wrong with taking loans, in fact if anything it spurs the person to apply for scholarships which if you are in high school there are TREMENDOUS amounts of scholarships - you have to be organized though - go through books at Borders, go to Fastweb.com etc. as well as spurring the person to work hard and get excellent grades.</p>

<p>Present the two situations to your daughter and let her decide. More importantly present the fact that there is nothing wrong with taking loans, millions of Americans do it all the time, as very rarely people have all the cash on hand at once.</p>

<p>Also don't feel guilty yourself. Too many parents I see blame themselves in these type of situations and see it as a personal fault for not having all the cash on hand. Umm, college tuition esp. to private schools is one of the biggest investments, and unlike a car or house, it will be with you the rest of your life and is worth spending money on esp. for the top notch schools.</p>

<p>MomfromPA
I applaud you for trying your best to keep it all balanced. I encourage you to continue to share your learning experiences with your daughter. You've learned the hard way and are doing your best to protect the entire family! Keep doing your best to educate your oldest in your choices and their consequences. My kids tell me it does eventually sink in-even if they don't tell us for several years!!</p>

<p>Happy to graduate</p>

<p>Your situation is quite different. From the fact that you successfully were admitted to a combined degree program with a career with high earning potential indicates that your experience may not generalize to others with interests outside of medicine.</p>

<p>Here in CA, our UC's with room and board are about $25K per year, and no way my S will be awarded any scholarships. It's a tough road we parents are traveling these days.</p>

<p>MomfromPa,</p>

<p>Pat on the back for finishing law school and passing the job while also having three kids at home. Your achieving such success via hard work and being organized means you are a wonderful role model for your kids, and that is worth more than virtually anything else you could do for them.</p>

<p>Happytograduate wrote, "I went to a six year combined BA/MD program in which the cost of tuition alone was 50,000 (plus inflation) every year for six years. There is NOTHING wrong with taking loans, "</p>

<p>There's a big difference between taking out big loans to go to medical school and taking out big loans to simply go to college so you can be prepared to obtain a job with the kind of mediocre pay that most college grads obtain.</p>

<p>"Dear 07SON: I don't think I've mentioned how much I respect you and appreciate your maturity in working with the financial limits I have given you for your college education. You are a fine young man with wonderful values. Love, 07DAD"</p>

<p>P.S. --I'm doing ok weathering the current economic downturn. Thanks for asking.</p>

<p>cc:
moviemania101</p>

<p>Thank you Northstarmom..It was a rough road trust me..In addition to trying to raise my kids I worked full time throughout law school (I went at night ) and did a 4 yr program in 3 years by going in the summersand I did it nonstop commuting from work to my out of state law school for 3 years leaving at 7am and getting home 11pm 3 - 4 nights a week..People said I was crazy and whatnot but I did it for them..I wanted to be able to give them more..Had I not done it that 15K per year I can give now would have probably been 0K...I have tried to be a role model to them and believe me like I said I havent made all the right decisions but I know when I graduated and they called my name out all I heard were my kids screaming..They were proud of me and I know that the years of busting my butt was worth that moment...I wanted them to know that its ok to have dreams..You may not be able to fulfill them all at once but if you can put your mind to it, anything is possible...</p>

<p>Do not send your D to a dream school you cannot afford. And do not allow her to take out loans that will result in a staggering debt.</p>

<p>Be honest about the $$ you can afford. Use the online calculators that help her see what her monthly payment would be if she tries to borrow the amount that you cannot afford. We are in an economic crisis is part because many did not save, and bought via borrowing things they could not afford.</p>

<h1>Don't let the dream turn into a nightmare. Tell her what dollars you can provide, and look at alternative state schools. It is not too late to apply to other private schools with merit aid that meets her stats.</h1>

<p>With that outlook on life, why not send her to a community college, that's the cheapest, and she won't have to take any debt. Predatory home loans and loans taken out for a college education are two VERY different things.</p>

<p>MomfromPa,
I think you are wise to have funds for each of your kids to attend college and present it fairly to your children in this manner. It is also wise for you to recognize that contract and construction work are by their nature pretty unpredictable.
Despite the glamour and hype, many lawyers do NOT get paid as highly as the media suggests and there is a huge burnout rate. I know many attorneys who have left the profession & many more who are grossing about 40,000/year, years after graduating from law school.
It is also wise for you to keep your retirement and paying off your debt in the picture so you & hubby will not be burdens to your kids. I applaud your decisions and the honest and candid way you are working things out with your D, H & family.</p>

<p>may i ask, what school is it? i mean if it's like HPYMS, then i say try ur BEST to let her go...however, if it's only a mediocre college, then that's another story...idk that's just my thinking. plus, there's always graduate school. u can save money to go to grad school (which is more important) if the UG college ur talking about is only like a third tier</p>

<p>Be honest.</p>

<p>She won't be happy. But everyone will be a lot happier without loans on their back.</p>

<p>no its not HYPS etc...its a mediocre school...trust me she wont be missing much...at least not from some of the reviews I have read...It prob is a 3rd tier..not sure but somewhere around there</p>

<p>While HappytoGraduate was being facetious, it actually may be a good decision for the D to start at community college. She might even get merit aid to go to one, and if she lives at home for 2 years, may be able to go to college without having to pay anything for that experience.</p>

<p>In addition to the financial advantages, community colleges tend to have professors who like to teach, are nurturing, and community colleges typically have much smaller classes than do large public universities.</p>

<p>She could go to community college for 2 years and then transfer to a public or private university.</p>

<p>I know plenty of people -- including lawyers, a bank vice president, and several local and state government officials, who started their college careers at community colleges. They can be very wise options for many students.</p>

<p>Actually Northstarmom, it was for COLLEGE (B.A.) AND MEDICAL SCHOOL (M.D.) together and that tuition was that amount for six years from freshman year to the end of my sixth year. I am a medical resident now, making less than a high school teacher, so please no offense, but you know nothing of what you're talking about.</p>

<p>This girl is going for only 4 years and most likely will be going for grad school. Very few people I know get good jobs with ONLY a college degree. It's 2008, not 1968.</p>

<p>Loans are not the bubonic plague. If anything it teaches you a LOT about financial management, being proactive in looking for scholarships, and forces you to do put hard work and determination to do well in school. But keep babying you're children, I'm sure they'll push themselves with that attitude.</p>

<p>Pursuing a college education with the purpose of not going into any debt, is quite stupid. Your education (undergrad, grad, etc.) is an investment, it's not a car or a house. Your education follows you where ever you go. The career/salary prospects, for example, of someone who goes to Stanford vs. someone who goes to a state college EVEN with the same degree major is not the same.</p>