My Dad's Potential

Parents Forum
1

<p>I've recently, in the past week, went to my senior advisement where my counselor talks to my parent(s) about my progress so far and what i'm going to do. My GPA as of now is a 3.1 weighted and a 2.9 unweighted (I've had many C's and had a difficult Junior Year, plus some personal issues). The best I believed I could do was to make all A's my senior year and apply to a college in-state for a year and focus my first year to transfer to a college I really want. My counselor also told me that my GPA is probably lower than that without the Theater and Chorus electives that I have. There goes the Hope Scholarship.</p>

<p>My dad told me to apply to UGA when I've told him I can't get into the school with the grades I have. He also wants me to go to a HBIC, such as Spelman and Clark-Atlanta but I don't think I want to (At this time I didn't realize I wasn't at a point to be picky with my colleges). He also wants me to pick a another major besides theater. The only problem is, I don't what other major/minor want besides Creative Writing and Photography (I thought about French Language & Writing as well). When I told him that didn't know he shook his head with disappointment. For months he's been talking about how he went to college at Morehouse and how he's made all A's in high school and was basically on everything. He even had a football scholarship until he blew it in College. He tells me about his friends daughters accomplishments once and how she's doing in school with her 4.1 average and how she can drive (I have yet to get a permit and i'm 17) He told my sister to not be like me and how I'm not eligible for anything. I felt very sad after that. I haven't talked to him since. </p>

<p>For the past few weeks I've been studying a lot. So far my grades are 4 A's and 3's B's (2 on the borderline) and am trying hard. My Sat is coming up as well. I study for it occasionally, when I have time. I now feel like i'm not smart enough to do certain things..</p>

<p>My questions are these:
1. Am I being over-dramatic?
2. As a parent how do you feel and what should I do?
3. Do you have any advise for me on what I can do and how I can improve?</p>

<p>Thank You</p>

2

<p>A main point - you’re not your father and you’re not your sister. You’re an individual and luckily we all are. I don’t think your father should be comparing you to himself or your sister or anyone else.</p>

<p>As far as colleges go - you need to apply to some safeties, some matches, and it’s okay to apply to some reaches as well. You never know what they’re looking for. Remember that half the class is below the middle but they’re still there.</p>

<p>You’ve already proven to yourself that you can get better scores and are capable of doing the work if you put your mind to it since you were able to receive better grades through studying more. Surprise - but that’s often the key to performing well - putting effort into it.</p>

3

<p>Talk to your Dad. Openly. Tell him how you feel. You are giving us your version of what he is saying which may or may not be what he is intending you to hear. At this point we don’t really know if he is a tactless/controlling/delusional jerk or a clueless loving father trying his best to motivate his much loved but less-than-directed daughter. Good luck.</p>

<p>Edit: Oh. BTW. As to the thread title -

I do think your Dad has potential. ;)</p>

4

<p>What are the community colleges like in Georgia? What if you went to one for a year or two, and transferred to the school you really want? Nobody care</p>

<p>Most colleges don’t care about high school grades/scores if you take this route. It might be a good way to save money, too.</p>

<p>You could get involved in the community theatre program at your campus or a bigger regional one in the area, if it’s in a metropolitan area.</p>

<p>Sometimes parents are disappointed because kids haven’t done as much as they hoped. Things happen. You can totally overcome these challenges. </p>

<p>What are the ranges for GPA for the schools your dad wants you to apply to?</p>

5

<p>On one hand, we as parents want you to have a better life/achieve more than we did. On the other hand, we want you to reach your full potential. Sometimes the two desires conflict and we have to reconcile the two.</p>

<p>In the end, parents have to come to realize that #2 is the most important.</p>

6

<p>@ curmudgeon - Sorry about that. I meant to edit it, but it was too late.
@ Samurai - The community college I hear is okay. I have many friends who go there for dual enrollment. As for the colleges my dad wants me to go to: </p>

<p>UGA
67% had h.s. GPA of 3.75 and higher
22% had h.s. GPA between 3.5 and 3.74
8% had h.s. GPA between 3.25 and 3.49
2% had h.s. GPA between 3.0 and 3.24
1% had h.s. GPA between 2.5 and 2.99</p>

<p>Spelman
31% had h.s. GPA of 3.75 and higher
24% had h.s. GPA between 3.5 and 3.74
22% had h.s. GPA between 3.25 and 3.49
15% had h.s. GPA between 3.0 and 3.24
7% had h.s. GPA between 2.5 and 2.99
1% had h.s. GPA between 2.0 and 2.49</p>

<p>Florida AMU (the college my aunt went to)
6% had h.s. GPA of 3.75 and higher
8% had h.s. GPA between 3.5 and 3.74
12% had h.s. GPA between 3.25 and 3.49
22% had h.s. GPA between 3.0 and 3.24
32% had h.s. GPA between 2.5 and 2.99
20% had h.s. GPA between 2.0 and 2.49</p>

<p>He talks about other colleges too but these are the most he talks about. He even talks about getting me into colleges my family has gotten into.</p>

7

<p>My questions are these:

  1. Am I being over-dramatic?</p>

<p>No – feelings are real.</p>

<ol>
<li>As a parent how do you feel ?</li>
</ol>

<p>As a parent who has been arguing often with her 10th grader this week, I can say as a parent we “see” potential in our kids and raw talents that the kid has yet to realize. Doing this is fine, but in the course we lose sight of how the kid evaluates his/her potential as well as what the kids wants to do with his/her life. Sounds like he sees strict academic potential, but you prefer theater.</p>

<p>Things he says may be in an effort to motivate you to work to the potential he sees.</p>

<p>Like most of us parents, he probably just wants his kids to have as many opportunities as possible. The higher grades = more opportunities. </p>

<p>As a parent, we shouldn’t compare our kids to anyone; as a human, we constantly do.</p>

<p>2b. and what should I do?</p>

<p>I suggest you honestly evaluate your grades and attitude, then talk to him. Were you working as hard as possible and got those Cs? How much time did you put into academic classes? Was time limited because of other priorities (work, theater, etc)?</p>

<p>If you evaluate yourself ahead of time it will help you maintain a more even keel during the conversation.</p>

<p>You need to honestly and gently tell him the comparisons hurt you. You also need to let him know your priorities aren’t the same as his, but that doesn’t mean you don’t care about your future. (This is the point I’ve been personally working on).</p>

<ol>
<li>Do you have any advise for me on what I can do and how I can improve?</li>
</ol>

<p>Can you improve with simply more time? Or could you have a learning disability? Are you working toward college as your Dad’s goal or as your own? If you are just doing it for your Dad, that may not be enough motivation to carry you through 5 more years of school. This forum is focused on college, but that is not the only route. Did your counselor have any suggestions for direction if you don’t want college? Your grades so far are great, but you also have to realize it may not be enough before applications are due. If you want to go to college, look at schools that would give you support (tutoring, motivation, whatever you feel you need). Do not discount the value of Community College.</p>

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<p>Maybe look at it this way…what are you afraid of? Do you fear you couldn’t do the work if one of those colleges admitted you? Do you fear the rejection? Do you fear you can’t push yourself and get the grades you know you are capable if you go to a CC? What did your GC suggest to you and your dad? </p>

<p>Some state universities have a probationary admittance for lower GPA students. I think you ought to seek out and just apply to a couple four year colleges if your primary desire is to leave home and go to a four year college and leave the door open to go to a CC for a year or two and get your GPA up for a transfer to a more selective college. If you want to stay home and “test” yourself academically now that you are performing to your capabilities then you should just discuss this plan with your dad and see how he reacts.</p>

9

<p>When I read your post, I thought that your folks were probably divorced. I read through your other posts and discovered this is in fact the case. There may be more going on with your dad–maybe even subconsciously–than you are aware of. These issues tend to surface when college apps come up and that may be what’s going on.If so, what he said to you has more to do with him and/or his relationship with your mom than it does about you. So, put aside his “issues,” and focus on yourself. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Well, I’m going to act worse than your dad. This should be a HIGH priority item for you right now. You need to MAKE time. If you aren’t already enrolled in a course, go on line and google. There are some courses available–some are even free. Go to a library and check out some SAT prep books. Dig out your last score booklet. Which subsections did you do well on? Which sections did you make the most mistakes on? EVERY right answer is worth the same on the SAT, so when you practice, try going through the test by skipping the sections you found difficult and doing the easier(for you) sections. When you are done with the eaiser ones, go back and do the ones you omitted. Does this boost your score? If it does, do this on SAT day. </p>

<p>Take an ACT for practice. If your score is better than you’ve gotten on the SAT, consider registering for a real ACT.</p>

<p>I’m white and I have tremendous respect for Spelman. I think you really should give some thought to HBCUs. Again, his reasons may have more to do with your dad than you–great memories of Morehouse and, well, some thought he’d like his “little girl” to meet a young man like his younger, Morehouse self. That said, applying to HCBUs is a good suggestion, IMO. </p>

<p>Most colleges don’t require you to pick a major at the outset. Unless you are planning to audition for theatre programs, tell your dad you’ll rethink the major question after you’ve taken some college courses.</p>

10

<p>Dad may have been counting on this
[GAcollege411</a> - Georgia’s HOPE Scholarship Program Overview](<a href=“http://www.gacollege411.org/Financial_Aid_Planning/HOPE_Program/Georgia_s_HOPE_Scholarship_Program_Overview.aspx]GAcollege411”>http://www.gacollege411.org/Financial_Aid_Planning/HOPE_Program/Georgia_s_HOPE_Scholarship_Program_Overview.aspx)</p>

<p>and the 2.9 might be just a bit disappointing.</p>

<p>

</p>

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<p>@Longhaul - I don’t think i’m studying enough I believe. My first semester of my junior year was a slap in the face to me when I got my first D’s in APGoPo & Algebra 2. That being said it tried working harder and better in my second semester. I focus more on the classes I need help in and less on the ones I didn’t worry about. That being said my mother believes the reason I wasn’t focusing was because I was worried more about where I wanted to go in life and what I wanted to do except for not taking time to think about the steps to get there. I was worried about things that I shouldn’t have worried about like friends, appearance, etc. because of my low self esteem. Plus, it was the year I moved to a new county. You might consider this as me finding an excuse. But, I’m just being honest. As for community college I’ve never gave it much thought until now. I’ve only heard a few people talk about the option of it but a lot talk about me going to a university…</p>

<p>@momofthreeboys - Right now i’m afraid of not getting into anything for I fear it’s too late. But, my mother told me that it wasn’t I still feel I am. I now realize that I can’t go back in time and change my grades because now the only thing I can do is improve in the future. I am afraid of not getting anywhere in the now. But I know that in order to get from point A to C. I have to get to point B. </p>

<p>@jonri - I have been going to a study group with a friend until our transportation couldn’t take us anymore. Since then we’ve been trying to study on our own. My lowest score was math so I study more on geometry at times and pay more attention in my Algebra 3 class. My highest was Writing. My AP teacher said she’ll help me and my classmates with our writing along with our CR and vocabulary in class. I was going to take the ACT in June but they wouldn’t let me in because of my ID. I plan on taking it next month. As for my parents, yes they are divorced. I also have 2 sisters and 2 brothers and my dad constantly talks about getting a scholarship because we’re broke and I understand.</p>

12

<p>MzkLvr,</p>

<p>You can get a good education whereever you go. It doesn’t have to start at a 4 year university. Make a plan and stick to it. Study hard, apply yourself. Many people transfer from one school to another - nobody cares where you did your General education requirements.</p>

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<p>Muzick_Lvr. Don’t know if you’ve seen this link. Hopefully, both you and your friend will find it useful. The coolest thing it requires no transportation. I wish you well and that you make the best of the opportunities available.</p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/955109-silverturtles-guide-sat-admissions-success.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/955109-silverturtles-guide-sat-admissions-success.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

14

<p>

So their life hasn’t been a bed of roses lately either. I’m sure they didn’t plan to be in this situation. No parent would. Tell him you understand the $ issues. As a family, y’all might can come up with something if you pull together. Trust me. Not talking to him is not gonna help. Again, I wish you good luck.</p>

15

<p>Story of my life when I was in HS. I had a bad relationship with my dad. I was his oldest. Are you the oldest? It may be the reason- the first child is very exciting for any parent and so naturally parents have high expectations for good things to come from their first child. </p>

<p>I also agree with jonri’s comments about your dad’s behavior. My dad had some job related issues going on during my junior/senior years so his attitude was affecting me (we, as women, tend to pick up negativity quite easily). Nothing, I mean nothing could please him. So you’re definitely not being overdramatic. Tune him out.</p>

<p>It’s good though that your dad’s aware of the financial situation- my dad was one of those parents who wanted to deny the reality of college costs. That was scary because he wanted me to apply to a couple of Ivies and highly selective LACs, whatever the cost. I didn’t have the grades OR SAT scores to succeed. I wound up going to a selective all-women’s college (which he wasn’t thrilled about). I would definitely NOT disregard Spelman. As you look at schools that your dad suggested, try to look at them from YOUR perspective. What do you like about them? What don’t you like? Don’t write down “because my dad told me to” in either column, that statement doesn’t belong anywhere.</p>

<p>Chin up, kiddo. Make sure your GC or another adult whom you see as a mentor is involved somehow to guide you along in this process. </p>

<p>As for majors, tune him out. It’s very, very normal for 18 year olds not to know what they want to major in.</p>

16

<p>You can attend a 2 year school first (eg Ga Perimeter) that offers guaranteed admission (the TAG program) to many private, and all public schools in GA after the completion of 2 years, with pretty easy-to-achieve GPA’s (see this link) [Schools</a> to Choose From](<a href=“http://www.gpc.edu/tag/schoolstochoosefrom.html]Schools”>http://www.gpc.edu/tag/schoolstochoosefrom.html) That might give you a chance to decide what you want to do.</p>

17

<p>Edit: I meant to put 2 sisters and “1” brother</p>

<p>@ticklemepink - I am the oldest in my family. My father has been rather negative for the past few weeks as well. I’ve put Spelman on my list of colleges and am looking into it more. </p>

<p>I know what my plan is and I plan on sticking on to it. Though I don’t know how my dad will feel about it. He hasn’t talked to me about anything except college and school. He hasn’t been on anybody but me about this. My sister is in 10th grade, my brother in 7th.</p>

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<p>whatever happens, good luck to you!</p>

19

<p>Muzick, </p>

<p>Just a thought. If you are close to a 3.0, do you think you could pull one off by the end of this year? If you can and if the rules for the Hope scholarship allow you to do that, why not think about a gap year or at least a gap semester? </p>

<p>If taking one would allow you to include your senior year in your gpa calculation and doing so would boost your gpa to 3.0, it might really be worth it to take that year off. Then you could go to UGa with a Hope scholarship and earn some money yourself to help pay for it. </p>

<p>Again, it’s just a thought…I don’t know if the Hope scholarship rules permit it but I’m sure your counselor would know.</p>

20

<p>Muzick, here’s my two cents:</p>

<p>1) You have more options than you think, even with a 2.9 unweighted GPA. I don’t know if UGA is out or not, but there are lots of great liberal arts colleges that won’t slam the door on you for your GPA. Take a look at the Colleges That Change Lives and see if anything there interests you.</p>

<p>2) You can participate in college theater without majoring in it. Consider theater as a second major or a minor. If you <em>must</em> be a theater major, then do it, but if you have other interests, I’d seriously consider one of those for the major.</p>

<p>3) Your dad might seem like a brick wall right now, but there’s a lot of uncertainty churning in his head and in his heart that he can’t put into words. This is a frightening time in your life, and it’s a frightening time in his life as well. He doesn’t know what’s going to happen to you and he’s trying to protect you from a worst-case imagined scenario. Your sister and brother will have it easier than you did because having been through the experience once already, he won’t worry about them the way he is about you. He is obsessing on your future right now because it’s so uncertain for him; that’s why that’s the only thing he can talk to you about. (How do I know all this? Because with my oldest child heading off to college next year, I see a lot of myself in your old man!)</p>