My essay- critique?

<p>What are the main things I should think about? About how much would this score?</p>

<p>"Exisentialist Jean Paul Sarte believed in personl freedom, holding that man is fre to "write the script" for his own life: he can blame no one else if his life is a "poor performance". On the other hand, William blake and others in the Romantic movement felt that the expectations and restraints of society severly limit a person: they believed that schooling, organised religion, and other social institutions imprison a person's mind and spirit. "</p>

<p>Assignemnt: What is your opinion of the claim that there is no such thing as free choice; to some degree, we are always bound by the rules of society?</p>

<p>Essay:
I agree with Sarte that everyone can "write the script" of their own lives. However, that script must be within the ability of each person. Just as an actor doesn't have the means of portraying a character exactly as the script calls for because of his or her own characteristics and personal limiations, people cannot live the life without certain prerequisites. </p>

<p>Bronte's Jane Eyre was an orphan, destitute and alone. She did not accept a life of poverty and lonliness. Through immense strengh and perserverence she managed to "change the script" of her life and end up as the wife of a wealthy nobleman. She was able to get past the restraints society presented because of her own personality. Another literary character, Rashinokov from "Crime and Punishment", did not possess such strenght of mind and spirit, and therefore he succombed to the limits of his life set by society and his birth. </p>

<p>In the civil was era, women were expected to be mothers and wives, daughters and sisters. Rather dull for them, wasn't it? They certainly did not have much room for making their own choices! Yet, some did. Some woment, drawing on their own resourcefullness, changed the course of their lives. There were several cases of women, dressed as men, joining the army and fighting in the war. Not many did that, but I'm sure that those who did wrere passionate about doing it- why go to the trouble, otherwise? </p>

<p>It is preciesly that- passion- which is the main factor that decides if you can overcome the boundries set by society. Jane was passionate about her independence and self-worth; the women soldiers of the civil war were passionate about their cause. Almost all of the people I look up to as examples of the power of free will to change things have that in common. Just look at Nelson Mandela, who spent decades in prsion, but has, since he was released, done much good. Although society's ruels are hard to overcome, the people who have the will, passion and character to break free of them can.</p>

<p>What is the score out of?</p>

<p>great writing
try not to start the essay of with "i agree" or "in my opinion"</p>

<p>probably would recieve a score of 9-10</p>

<p>"great writing"</p>

<hr>

<p>Are you being sarcastic? I'd call it "average", bordering on "OK", but definately not great.</p>

<p>Spanks- scores are from 1 (worst) to 6 (best). </p>

<p>bball06- thanks!</p>

<p>vadox6466- could you please elaborate, what are the main things that need to be improved on?</p>

<p>I'd go w/ a 4</p>

<p>I'd have to say that this essay might get a total score of an 8 or 9, after two readers. </p>

<p>flattie9: did u hand write this essay, than type it up or just typed it up? Also did you use the allotted 25 minutes? I have a feeling that you spent more than 25 minutes on this essay. Seems a little too organized to me. While organization is possible if you spend time on it, but then you would not have enough time to get so specific.</p>

<p>Thanks everyone for the feedback, its really helpful! :)</p>

<p>theworld8905- I wrote it by hand first in 25 minutes, then typed it up. Thats part of my problem, trying to write a decent essay in 25 minutes by hand, I tend to confuse myself. Its much nicer being able to write a first draft just to jot down ideas, more or less, and then later go back and do some major changing and fixing. I hate the essay part of the SAT!</p>