<p>I plan on going to harvard. But if I somehow don't get in I'll go to princeton. I also got Yale on the list and Oxford. I don't really like england but hell...it's "Oxford" I'll be happy.</p>
<p>Here's an excerpt of my essay</p>
<p>The last bit anyway. I strived to be different. Instead of the cookie cutter applications. More poetic than strict prose.</p>
<p>The sounds of the students in the hallway, this was not nostalgic for me. I was tormented every day having to conform with a normal routine. I longed to let my imagination flourish. I want to go to (insert school here) simply because it has an enviroment i can flourish in. Many talented and unique individuals attend (insert school here). I want to be apart of that. There are soo many things I enjoy about (insert school here). But most of all, It's (insert school name here), duh.</p>
<p>I know the final part might be stretching it. But how many applicants applying to harvard are gonna RISK doing something FRESH like that? I ended on a comedic note, the admissions officer will see something he's never seen before. He'll get a chuckle and maybe think "This kid has guts and he thinks differently. He tries new things and isn't afraid to go all the way. He isn't afraid of risks." </p>
<p>What do you think?</p>
<p>Please, rate it on a scale of 1-100 (I like high ranges because they are more accurate, Especially with my essay you might have to be a bit more accurate because the mistakes will probably be minute things I need to work on.)</p>
<p>I can’t really rate this without seeing the rest of the essay…but the last sentence, while certainly a risk, is slightly pretentious… I know what you’re trying to do, but it sounds like you’re being slightly pretentious/picking the school for its name…</p>
<p>You won’t like my answer, but here goes. Imagine yourself an admissions counselor, reading thousands upon thousands of essays. Most of them say just what your does: I’m special. I’m so damned smart that I deserve nothing but the best. I desperately need to go to your university because nothing else will challenge me in life.</p>
<p>Nothing written here couldn’t have been written by thousands and thousands of students – and probably has, thousands and thousands of times. Think less about impressing and more about revealing (yourself).</p>
<p>Note: standard usage dictates conforms to rather than conforms with.</p>
<p>This sounds quite…pretentious? I can’t say that I have read something like that before. Maybe because judging from your excerpt your essay is a huge risk. I don’t think I am qualified to score your essay, but i will say that If i was working at admissions and saw this i would definately think that this person was trying to “suck up.”</p>
<p>At our visit to Harvard the folks in the info session said: Don’t tell us you want to come here because it is “Harvard”. Tell us what YOU will add to the campus. We know it’s Harvard; d’uh.</p>
<p>it doesn’t list anything specific about the school, so i’d say it’s like a 65 (sorry!); i think if it’s anything where you can fill in the name of any college and it would work, it’s not a good essay. find the unique traits and write about them. if you can’t think about specific reasons to apply to a school besides its prestige, then why would you apply there?</p>
<p>Maybe it’s just because it’s only an excerpt, but it seems that you’re just saying how awesome you are (too awesome, in fact, for the school you’re currently in) without letting them know why. It’s evident that you’re trying hard to be different… trying very, very hard. Honestly I didn’t “get a chuckle” out of the last sentence. While it certainly was risky, the humor might not get through to the reader, and they’ll just think you’re being pretentious.
Maybe try being yourself instead of trying to be different. Like previous posters have said, there’s probably very little that the readers haven’t seen anyway.</p>
<p>I won’t tell you the score, but it’s in the lower half. Your essay says nothing about Harvard, nor about you. It’s a generic essay, and it’s poor even as generic essays go. They know that it’s Harvard, believe me.</p>
<p>Sorry, but this is not what an admissions essay should be. Don’t waste this opportunity to make yourself seem awesome by saying over and over again “I want to go to your school because I want to go to your school.” </p>
<p>First, check your capitalization, punctuation, and grammar. That should be first and foremost. There is no excuse for an essay going to an Ivy League school, or any school for that matter, to not be technically immaculate. </p>
<p>Second, write about something personal that would make a person you just met want to know more about you. Be genuine and sincere. The admissions people read hundreds and thousands of essays. They’re not going to take the time to figure out if you’re trying to be witty.</p>
<p>And in terms of prose, it’s not even that spectacular. It reads like the English subtitles to an overwrought Japanese anime. If it was out of 10, I’d give it a 5 or a 6 for content and technical mistakes. Average that out to 55 if you’re going to be picky about it.</p>
<p>I understand wanting to do something different… but the “something different” has to be, y’know, well written. Subjectively, I don’t like the tone/angle of what you’re trying to do. I don’t think it’s that different, or even interesting. Objectively, I hope this isn’t a copy/paste from the essay, because there’s a boatload of grammar problems.</p>
I know what you’re trying to do, but it sounds like you’re being slightly pretentious/picking the school for its name…</p>