my essay

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
1

<p>Hi everyone, can you help me score this essay:</p>

<p>We often hear that we can learn much about someone or something just by casual observation. We are not required to look beneath the surface or to question how something seems. In fact, we are urged to trust our impressions, often our first impressions, of how a person or a situation seems to be. Yet appearances can be misleading. What “seems” isn’t always what is.</p>

<p>Assignment: Is the way something seems to be not always the same as it actually is? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>In most cases, what something seems to be is very different from what it actually is. We must look beneath the surface of everything, because there are many things that make outer appearance misleading, especially in a modern world, when people generally don't behave well to one another. In addition, assessing something, though smallest is a whole process; looking at appearance is no more than the first step of it.</p>

<p>In modern economic world, there are many misleading stuff. Advertisement is a good example. Because of profit, producers do everything to make customer byu their goods, so surely they aren't shrink from deceiving people. The number of people who bought a product that producers write on the ad can be much greater than the real number. People must be aware of allegedly 10-year-living bulb, which in fact can be used for only 2 years. Discovering beneath the surface of those ads are very important.</p>

<p>Assessing things is very difficult, so one cannot trust his first impression. My friend is an example. Once I had thought of him as reserved, lofty, because he never talked to me; every conversation was started by me. He never took part in our joke, our team-studying activities. He went home so early everyday. That's all I know after knowing for two months. But after that I find out that he had a lot to do besides school work. He came from rural region to the capital to study, yet he still have to work outside class because his family's life is very difficult. I came to his house, realizing he was very kind to his younger sister, and to me. Giving this man as an example, I mean that first impression can't be trusted, even "2-month impression". We must discover people to see their nature.</p>

<p>In conclusion, all example points to the fact that, first impression can't be trusted.</p>

<p>This is the timed first draft. From your experience of your test score, your friend's test score, or whatever, can you score this essay for me ?
I would thank you more if you can help me to improve it, so I can do better next time.
I haven't make any change to this essay, so please don't bother with spelling, grammar, punctuation ... (except for serious error), or the number of pages of this thread will increase rapidly<br>
I appreciate every ideas ... Thank you.</p>

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<p>I want to ask one more question. I still don't understand the role of the excerpts in those essay assignments. I often don't use much from those excerpts when I write essay, except for paraphrasing Am I on the wrong track ? My god<br>
The assignment alone is sufficient for the writer to write about the topic. So what does the excerpt mean here ?</p>

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<p>I'd give it a 3/6</p>

<p>The excerpt is kind of pointless. It's generally intended to help provide a context for the question, so that the reader isn't as likely to misinterpret it. But, for the most part, you don't need it.</p>

<p>Your examples are good, but your grammar is bad. Fix the grammar, and you'll be pretty good.</p>

<p>"In addition, assessing something, though smallest is a whole process; looking at appearance is no more than the first step of it."</p>

<p>Doesn't make sense. Should probably say "In addition, assessing something, no matter how minute, is a whole process." Also, change "no more than" to just, and omit "of it."</p>

<p>"there are many misleading stuff"</p>

<p>stuff is singular, should use a plural... "things" works fine.</p>

<p>"so surely they aren't shrink from deceiving people."</p>

<p>"aren't" should be "don't." Also, this is an incorrect use of "surely," it should be "much that" </p>

<p>
[quote]
That's all I know after knowing for two months. But after that I find out that he had a lot to do besides school work. He came from rural region to the capital to study, yet he still have to work outside class because his family's life is very difficult.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>All of this should be past tense, not present tense, as it happened in the past.</p>

<p>These aren't all the issues I had, they're just the ones I think matter most.</p>

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<p>FWIW, I wouldn't discount grammar issues (as you mentioned in your original post). The plural/singular errors are so multiple (sorry!) that if you are writing this way even as a first draft, it seems like something you could really devote some time to working on and improving. If you are writing in a timed, stress-filled environment your natural tendencies (in grammar, etc.) will like appear.</p>

<p>Good luck!!</p>

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<p>A hint: you need to end your love relationship with words like "stuff" and things" ;)</p>

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<p>Thank you, I will do better next time :D</p>

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<p>amb3r: can you elaborate on that ? what is the alternates for "things" ?</p>

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<p>Now can you score this ... This time I find it really hard to find ideas, so they are somewhat cliche :D :D Isn't it ?</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>The people we call heroes do not usually start out as unusual. Often they are ordinary people subject to ordinary human weaknesses—fear, doubt, and self-interest. In fact, they live ordinary lives until they distinguish themselves by having to deal with an injustice or a difficult situation.
Only then, when they must respond in thought and in action to an extraordinary challenge, do people begin to know their strengths and weaknesses.</p>

<p>Assignment: Do people learn who they are only when they are forced into action? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your
reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>I think that people learn only when they are forced into taking action. By "learn" I mean "learn something practical and significant", not something simple and theoretical. To learn something practical is relatively difficult, and only when you are forced into action do you realize those things. For example, after you "taste" the "real world", you will see that it is different from books.</p>

<p>When I was a child, I often thought that life is simple. I learn everything from books: making money, getting a job, behaving well, etc. But after taking part in some activities and got a job several years later. I realized that there are many things that books don't teach us. Books did teach me that I should be aware of bad person, but I couldn't see who is bad until my employer fired me just because I didn't follow his false instruction. Once I got rejected in an internship program simply because of some minor errors in resume (my first ever resume). Sometimes, I behaved towards people in an unreasonable way, which made me sory for a long time. I leart very much and realized that life is not simple, a belief that I had when I was young.</p>

<p>My friend is another example of learning from real life. When he was in high school, he didn't even try to study. He thought that getting job or making money is easy, so he prefer playing computer games to learning Physics. Besides, he never listened to others; when I tried to motivate him, he simply ignored. As a result, in his 12th grade, he didn't do well on exams; he failed to go to college. His family made him go out to live on his own. He tried very hard but couldn't get a job, which he once considered very easy to get. Finally, he had to beg his parents to let him continue to study and apply for college the following year. He learnt that education is important, and that his idea isn't always right. He then ask everyone for more advice on his education. </p>

<p>People often is inexperienced if they never face difficulties and dilemmas; they often failed in life. But then when they overcome significant challenge, it would be a turning point, and they will succeed out of the previous failures.</p>

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<p>Jolynne, I think kindhearted is not a native english speaker... :) You don't find these kinds of mistakes in native english speakers. I'll guess you're from China, because I recognize some of these mistakes! Forgetting 'the' and 'a', noun/verb plurality mismiatch, idiomatic errors, and some other more subtle clues. These are the kinds of grammatical structures that can't even be found in Mandarin, so you'll have to pay extra attention when you're writing them in English, or you'll be prone to make a lot of mistakes. </p>

<p>The alternatives for things... lol.. depends on what kind of things you're talking about! Case by case basis. Someone else can elaborate, maybe. In general you want to choose words that are as specific as they can be, and 'things' and 'stuff' are just not very specific, and what's more, they make it seem like your vocabulary is very limited when it probably isn't, considering some of the words you use.</p>

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<p>I thought the same thing, amb3r. I am not familiar w/the options available to non-native speakers for standardized test, however (I thought I heard something, somewhere mentioned about an alternative test?). </p>

<p>Even given that, it seems like perhaps those are areas she could still work on (singular/plural). She's certainly very bright & I'm sure w/focused effort could perhaps improve in that area. :-)</p>