Do you have any local options to attend college? Honestly, I think the situation with your mom should be at the forefront but if the worst happens and you defer entirely for a year or 2, is the dream school a reality anymore? Will some of the funds be used for your mother’s care? Will your sibling have a path to college? Will you be comfortable being away from him?
I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I lost my mom while I was at grad school all the way across the country. You should go to college. But maybe not right now. If I could go back, I would have been home for the few months my mom was sick. I was flying back and forth to her from the other coast, and it sucked. My work suffered and I did not get to be with her as much as I wanted. Call Columbia and see about deferring your admission-- you should go, but maybe take a breather.
How proud your mother must be. I can only hope to have a child so mature and caring. Here’s one thought too - I would move heaven and earth for any of my mom friends in a similar situation to make sure their kids felt like they could go (I consider most of them to be virtual nieces/nephews). Does your mom have close friends in Texas? There are people who do not know the gravity of ovarian. Some friends might not be thinking as deeply as you, the future Columbia grad!
Oh I am so sorry about your mom! You have received some excellent pointers already.
I had two children, ages 19 and 18 currently. When they were in 8th & 11th grades, I was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer, odds just less than 50/50. I am happy to say that a few years out, things are looking good! I am sending prayers that your mom thrives through her treatment and makes a great recovery. The word cancer is absolutely terrifying, but the vast majority of stage 1-3 ovarian cancer patients survive 5+ years (most ultimately cured), as do so many stage 4. Her doctors can tell you more what to expect in her particular case, although there is no crystal ball.
So I do have a little perspective of being a mom with superstar kids who she is so proud of (it is crystal clear you must be such a light in her life, so proud of you getting into Columbia and all the wonderful things you must have been doing to earn that opportunity), now being faced with this type of diagnosis, and all of the worry about the impact of this on her kids’ futures.
I agree you do not need to rush to make a choice; I would hope and expect that if you contact Columbia about the situation that they will not only allow you the option of deferring, but hopefully will also allow you many months before you have to make a decision about that. Things may be much clearer in July about what you should do. Your mom might be handling her treatment well, etc. Similarly, hopefully their financial aid office may be flexible in this type of situation if your family’s financial circumstances are changing. The best reassurance you can get is by contacting them soon—once you hear from them about your options, I think it will give you peace of mind vs. just speculating about what they will say.
Only you and your family can make this decision, of course. I can say in my own case, I would have really wanted my child to go to school—it is such a source of joy and pride, so it’s likely your mom really means it when she encourages you to go ahead. She could feel really upset and guilty to have you stay back At the same time, I can also say that it was really nice to have my kiddos around when I was going through treatment.
Another thing about treatment is that the toll it takes really varies by person. I was on one of the toughest courses of chemotherapies (12 months of 6 different assorted chemos, plus 6 weeks of daily radiation, and one major surgery), and was lucky to be able to continue working and doing most of my normal routine. The anti-nausea medications that have recently been introduced are amazing. Some people have a rougher time. You won’t know until she starts how she will respond, but you should not automatically assume that she will be a mess. I think it is common for communities and friends to rally with rides for kids (your brother), meals, lawn work or other things, and I hope you have that type of community. So if your mom handles treatment relatively ok, and friends/community pitch in, it is certainly possible that things will be ok on the home front, and you going off to Columbia could be a bright spot for your mom.
But you know yourself. You may or may not be able to focus on all of the wonderful things at Columbia if you are super worried about your mom. Freshman year is a special time, and it would be unfortunate to not be able to embrace it—in that case, a gap year can make a lot of sense.
By the way, if you defer, I do encourage you to think of it as a gap year. Of course it’s also possible your mom’s situation could worsen, but it’s just as likely that it won’t—remember that! And that she may handle chemo quite well. In that case, if you are home for the year, take advantage of this year to not only support your family but do something terrific with your time. You can use the year to work to save up as much $ as possible, or else get interesting internships in fields you want to explore, take on a great community service project, volunteer on a political campaign, work at the Boys & Girls Club or similar, take a couple of cool hiking trips, read all of the classic books you never had time to enjoy in high school, etc. Even if your mom is pretty sick, she won’t need you 24/7 and you will need something to do besides taking care of your mom. If it turns out your mom needs you more, you can always dial some of those commitments down, but I think it won’t be great to have too much free time.
Good luck! It can be really helpful to find other teens to talk to who’ve had their parents diagnosed with cancer. If you don’t know any and/or don’t want to join a support group (there are definitely some for kids in your situation that you could find out about through your mom’s doctor/hospital), there are online groups that are really supportive. I know you probably feel so alone in this terrible situation, but there are actually a lot of kids in similar circumstances, and it can really help to talk to them.
Everyone here is wishing for the best for your family! Try to stay positive. Best to you!
Oh, PS:
Regarding the expense of treating cancer. Obviously I do not know your insurance circumstances, etc. But there are many organizations that support people financially through cancer, ranging from helping with co-pays, providing free supplies and wigs, offering free meals and cleaning services, straight financial grants to use as you see fit, etc.
There is usually a social worker or someone at the hospital/doctors office who is familiar with these resources and can point your mom towards them. If your circumstances are going to be difficult financially, she shouldn’t hesitate to apply for these offerings.
Additionally, if things get very difficult financially, sometimes GoFundMe campaigns can raise a lot of money for people going through hard times, so that’s another option.